


Doctorow's Law

by Squeaky



Series: The school-year of Ray's discontent [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has A Sibling (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Alive, Evil Caleb Covington, F/M, Fade Sex, Good Parent Ray Molina, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Alex Mercer, Injured Willie, M/M, Poor Life Choices, Willie Loves Alex Mercer (Julie and The Phantoms), Willie no, even though he's not in this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squeaky/pseuds/Squeaky
Summary: Approximately 10% of Earth's population has a gene that gives them Gifts: special abilities like super powers. Alex's Gift makes him awesomely physically coordinated, but that doesn't help him when a strange pain starts in his foot and begins to spread.His boyfriend, Willie, is hiding his own issues, but when Alex's pain becomes critical, Willie's lies start to fall apart.Now Willie needs to choose between facing his past or running from his present. And then Alex's strange condition takes a turn for the worse...
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: The school-year of Ray's discontent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124138
Comments: 67
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> This story continues from 'Schrödinger’s Boys,' which is the first story in this series. This story will make a lot more sense if you read that one first.
> 
> This story is set in the 'Gifts' series universe, originally created by Taste_is_Sweet and Springwoof way back in the mid-2000s and set in the 'Stargate: Atlantis' fandom. 
> 
> Please note that this story will deal with: anxiety, depression, grief and Caleb leaving a terrible legacy on Willie's mind. There are also descriptions of both Alex and Willie being in physical pain and emotional distress. There is also 'fade to black' consensual sex between Willie and Alex while both of them are seventeen. 
> 
> I'm posting in chapters to help identify the triggers as they appear, but forewarned is forearmed. If I've missed anything in the tags/comments please (politely) let me know! 
> 
> There are also trigger warnings in the end notes of Chapter 11 for those of you on devices where hovering isn't possible.
> 
> Beta'd by the most amazing [ Taste_is_Sweet. ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) She did an incredible job beta-ing this fic including helping with the summary. This fic is better because of her. Go check out her stuff. She's a fantastic writer too!

The pain started during his run.

Alex Mercer had decided to go for a full ten miles that morning. It’d been a while since he’d done more than five miles, not wanting to take too much time when Ray and the rest of the Molina family were waiting on him for breakfast. He knew he could’ve gotten up earlier to go for a longer run, but that would’ve meant less sleep, and Alex was not a masochist. 

But today was Saturday, and everyone else was going to sleep in, so he could take his time. This early in the morning, it had been like he’d had the whole city to himself. His run to the Barnsdall Art Park had been fantastic. He loved running through the urban greenery and seeing the old buildings with the view of the Hollywood sign in the distance. It also hadn’t changed a lot from 1995, which was nice. Sometimes he liked not being constantly reminded that he’d gone forward in time. 

The iPhone Ray had bought him could play music, and Julie had lent him wireless headphones and then taught him about something called ‘Spotify,’ which apparently had every song in the world. So now he had a soundtrack to run to, which was the absolute _best._ He swore that he ran even faster when music was playing. 

And of course, running well was part of his Gift. He’d never known he’d had one until after he’d sort-of died and ended up in the future with Luke and Reggie. Now he knew about it, it was weird he’d never realized it before. Physical stuff was so easy for him. He could find the rhythm in anything: drumming, dancing, running. Even kissing was easy when he used his Gift. The thought made him think of Willie, and how great kissing him was. He smiled. 

But now, as he rounded the corner to head the final mile home, he was sore. 

It wasn’t that bad, more of an uncomfortable feeling on the outside edge of his left foot, like his shoe was rubbing. It was irritating, maybe just on the border of pain. He grimaced. There would probably be a big blister there when he was done. 

_I need new kicks,_ he thought, using the slang Julie had taught him. He was wearing his old runners he’d found in the bag of clothes that somehow hadn’t been tossed since 1995. He remembered throwing them in when he was packing his stuff the night he was kicked out. They had been worn out then and they certainly hadn’t improved with time. 

He wondered if Ray would be okay with buying him another pair. Everything seemed so expensive nowadays. He remembered freaking out with how much everything cost when he’d first run away to stay at Bobby’s place, but it was all so much worse now. It made him feel bad asking Ray for anything. _Maybe Alison will get them for me?_ He winced as he thought it. His sister and her wife had two little kids at home. He didn’t want to ask. 

He felt his gait change as the irritation worsened, and he pushed his Gift harder to find a better rhythm, but he was tired, and then his calf started cramping and the run suddenly became a lot let pleasant. He gritted his teeth, willing the cramp to stop. He could see Julie’s street sign and he sped up, which hurt worse but was worth it. He’d stop as soon as he reached it and walk from there. It would give him a good cool-down.

He hit the sign and gratefully slowed to a walk. It immediately eased the pain in his calf, but did nothing for the uncomfortable feeling in his foot. By the time he pushed open the studio doors he was limping. 

Willie sat up from where he’d been reading on the couch. “Alex?”

“I’m okay.” Alex waved him off as he limped over to the couch. He took his earbuds out. “Just a cramp.” 

“Looks worse than that.” Willie frowned and pulled Alex down to sit beside him. He grabbed a blister pack of glucose tablets and gave Alex two before lifting Alex’s left leg onto his lap. Alex chewed and swallowed while Willie explored his leg with his fingers. “Where does it hurt?”

Alex hissed as Willie’s fingers dug into his sore muscle. “There!” 

“Hold on.” Willie grimaced as he started massaging his leg. “How’s that?”

Alex relaxed as his tight calf let go. “Awesome.” 

Willie’s concerned expression morphed into something way more flirty. “You know you don’t have to hurt yourself to get me to touch you. You can just ask.” 

Alex laughed, knowing he was blushing. “Maybe I like it when you touch me.” 

“Maybe I like it, too.” Willie bit his lip in a way that he knew made Alex crazy. 

Alex slid himself further over until he was straddling Willie’s lap. “Maybe I like you.” He bent down enough so their lips touched. Willie surged into him, grasping the back of Alex’s head, mouth moving on his. Alex made a soft noise of pleasure. He loved this, loved kissing Willie. He just loved _Willie,_ full stop. He couldn’t believe they’d found each other as ghosts. 

Willie’s hands moved from the back of Alex’s head across his shoulders and down his spine, before coming to rest on his hips. He gripped Alex tighter against him, letting him feel how aroused he was.

Alex groaned and licked into Willie’s mouth. 

“Alex. We should stop before someone comes in,” Willie gasped. Alex thought that sounded like a _terrible_ idea. He kissed Willie again and Willie laughed against his mouth. “Don’t you need a shower anyway?”

An idea struck Alex, something both awesome and terrifying at the same time. “Do you want to take a shower...With me?”

Willie drew back. His pupils were blown wide. “Are you sure?”

Alex bit his lip. He and Willie had only been together for about three weeks, at least one of which they’d both been ghosts. It was the longest Alex had ever dated _anyone._ He had no idea if he was ready for what he was thinking, but wow, he wanted it. He wanted _Willie._ He nodded.

“I need you to say it,” Willie said, gaze still holding Alex’s. 

“I’m sure,” Alex said. His voice only quivered a little. 

Willie’s face split with a huge smile. “Well, then. Let’s get you clean.” 

Alex grinned and stood, and then laughed out loud as Willie grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bathroom. He was so incredibly happy.

* * *

Alex and Willie only left the shower after the water had turned ice cold. 

Willie dried Alex’s hair and then carefully dried every inch of his boyfriend’s beautiful body. Alex wasn’t a giant, but he was the tallest of the four boys and had a runner’s body: long and lean with muscle. Willie couldn’t believe how lucky he was. “You’re gorgeous,” Willie murmured as he gently ran the towel down Alex’s legs to dry his feet. 

Alex laughed, delighted. “I think you are, too.” 

Willie chuckled. “I know. I think you did a good job showing me that.” He rubbed the towel over Alex’s left foot and Alex hissed in pain. 

Willie immediately moved his hands and looked at the edge of Alex’s foot. “What’s wrong?” 

Alex lifted his foot so he could look at it. “I don’t know. It was hurting when I was running, but I can’t see anything wrong with it. Maybe I’m getting a blister?” 

Willie grasped Alex’s heel to hold his foot still. There wasn’t anything visible on the outside of his foot. “Do you think you have a stress fracture or something?”

“Like when you crack a bone from too much exercise?”

“Yeah. Maybe you should get Alison to check it out?” 

“Probably,” Alex agreed. “I also think I need new running shoes.” 

“You should ask Ray. He’ll get you a new pair.” Willie stood and wrapped the towel around his waist. 

“Maybe?” Alex sighed as he wrapped another towel around his own waist, which caused Willie a moment of mourning. “But they’re so expensive.” 

“You’re worth it,” Willie said with confidence. He leaned over and kissed Alex. 

Alex returned it with his usual enthusiasm. “Thank you,” he murmured, forehead pressed against Willie’s, “that was really nice.” 

Willie knew Alex didn’t mean his comment about deserving new shoes. “It was okay? For your first time?” he asked, feeling suddenly insecure. He’d wanted to make it good for Alex, to give him everything he deserved. 

“Oh yeah!” Alex grinned widely. “Better than I’d imagined!”

That surprised a bark of laughter out of Willie. “Thought about it a lot, have you?”

“No, of course not!” Alex blushed furiously. “I mean…” 

“It’s okay. I’ve thought a lot about having sex with you, too.” 

“Yeah?” Alex stroked Willie’s face. “I hope it was good. For you, I mean, I know I’m not your first…”

 _I don’t know who was my first,_ Willie thought. Or when it might’ve happened, or even how he felt about it. Or even _if_ it’d happened at all. He had no memory of that event. He forced those thoughts away. “It was good. Really good. Ten out of ten. Would recommend.” Willie smiled.

Alex laughed. “That’s an internet joke, isn’t it?”

He was so beautiful when he laughed. Willie just had to kiss him. Alex responded immediately, his hands going into Willie’s hair, gripping tightly. 

There was a loud pounding on the door. “Are you guys coming out anytime soon?” Reggie complained. “Because _some_ of us have dates with our _girlfriends_ this afternoon and we would also like a shower.” 

Alex and Willie burst out laughing.

* * *

Alex wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans and tried to settle himself behind the drum kit. 

Today was their audition for the Los Feliz School of the Arts Music Program, and Alex was hella nervous. 

He knew they were going to be fine. Really. There was no reason for his heart to be careening around in his chest like a broken pinball machine. He should be more like Luke, who was so excited he was literally bouncing on the stage. Or Reggie, who was so focussed on Flynn he clearly wasn’t noticing the teacher _right there,_ ready to fail them all if they made the slightest mistake. 

“Hold it together, Alex,” he muttered to himself. Luke was Gifted in music. As long as he was on stage with them it was almost impossible for the audition to go badly. And Alex’s own Gift made him a particularly good drummer. Even Reggie, who had to rely just on natural talent, was a totally rad bassist. Everything would be fine.

If he didn’t forget everything he’d ever learned about how to drum, right after yaking all over the stage. 

Reggie finally tore his gaze away from Flynn to look at Alex, who was trying not to hyperventilate. “Don’t worry, we got this!” 

“We’re going to be totally awesome!” Luke enthused. “Mrs. Harrison won’t know what hit her!” 

“I assume if I’m going to be hit with something, it will be a musical performance worthy of this school?” Mrs. Harrison said, eyebrow arched. 

Luke gulped. “Yes?”

“Then I suggest you get started, gentlemen.” She turned regally and went to her seat. 

“Hey everyone!” Luke said into the mic. There was only a small amount of feedback. “We’re the Phantoms from Julie and the Phantoms!” 

“Tell your friends!” Reggie piped in immediately, and Alex just managed not to wince. He glanced over Luke’s head to where Julie and Flynn were sitting together in the front row, practically vibrating with excitement to see them play. The faith the two girls had in them was humbling, and it made Alex feel moderately better. 

“This song is called “Now or Never!” Luke said, and they started to play.

Once again, Alex had been surprised Luke wanted to play that song. It’d been the sound check at the Orpheum when the stage had burned down and they'd almost died, and it’d been the first song they played for Caleb Covington at his club before he'd nearly killed them all. Alex was beginning to think it might be cursed. 

But by the time he joined in with the pounding rhythm, he was right there with Luke with how much he loved it. “ _One life, no regrets!_ ” Luke sang, and Alex couldn’t help but beam as he thumped out the beat on the drums. His right foot was busy with the kick drum, and his left was on the hi hats, keeping the timing of the fast-paced rock anthem. He also added his voice to the harmonies, backing Luke’s vocals and making the song awesome. It was a lot to think of: both hands, both feet and his mouth all going at once, but it was what his Gift had built him for and he just loved it. He could feel Luke’s Gift flowing through him, elevating his talents to a level that was absolutely stellar. For the three minutes and three seconds the song would take, his brain would hold nothing but rhythm and music. Everything else was blissfully quiet. 

But two-and-a-half minutes into the song, his left foot started to hurt. 

It wasn’t _bad,_ not really. It was just uncomfortable enough to be distracting. A small discomfort that took up space in his head and made him way too aware of what his foot was doing. 

_Don’t blow it, Alex,_ he warned himself. He was the drummer, and no matter what Luke thought about his Gift being able to carry all of them, the song would be a bust if it wasn’t for him keeping time. Luke was a phenomenal musician, but he could be all over the place if the hi hats weren’t keeping him grounded. And if Luke went off, Reggie would, too. Alex knew how important he was to the music. A little pain wasn’t going to stop him. 

But it _hurt._ Not badly, not really, but it was the same irritation he’d felt when he’d gone running on Saturday. Like there was something wrong with his skin, like a blister, but somehow inside?

He shook his head, ignoring it. Now was not the time. 

Finally, the song ended and the whole class burst into wild applause. The boys just managed to put their guitars down before Flynn and Julie swarmed the stage. Flynn went straight to embrace Reggie and Julie threw her arms around Luke’s neck. Alex sighed, wishing Willie was there to celebrate their success so he could get a nice hug, too. He’d have to wait until later.

He shook out his foot, grimacing. 

“Alex, Alex, _Alex!_ ” Julie had released Luke and bounced over to him. “That was amazing!” 

“You think so?” Alex smiled up at her from his seat at the drums, pleased by her praise. He thought of his sore foot. “I was worried I might’ve been off-beat?”

“No man, that was _perfect!_ ” Luke gushed, “We are in this music program _for sure!_ ”

“Totally!” Reggie agreed, hand around Flynn’s waist. “We killed it!” 

“I’m glad you’re so confident, Luke,” Mrs. Harrison said, the same eyebrow still raised like it was stuck there. “I’ll let you know my decision by the end of class. Reginald, please release Flynn and all of you, take your seats.”

“Ma’am,” Reggie gulped. He took his hand off Flynn like she was on fire. 

“Reginald,” Luke snickered, clearly unphased by the teacher’s words. 

_Must be nice to be so sure,_ Alex sighed to himself. He was a bundle of nerves about it already and they’d have to wait thirty whole minutes before finding out if they were in. He thought he might actually throw up for real. 

“Alexander? Your seat?” 

“Oh, right! Sorry, Mrs. Harrison!” Alex squeaked. He’d forgotten he was still behind the drums. He stood to go back to his chair. “Ow!” 

Every kid in class looked at him. “Sorry. Something’s wrong with my foot.” His face was flaming. 

Mrs. Harrison’s sharp eyes were on him. “Do you need to see the nurse?”

“No! Nope, no nurse,” Alex said. There was _no way_ he was going to leave class before she told them if they’d made it into the program. He’d upchuck in the hallway if he had to wait a second longer. 

“Alright,” she said skeptically as she watched him limp to his seat beside Julie. “But please let me know if it gets worse.” He grinned and flashed her a ‘thumbs up’ before he slid into his chair, then immediately lowered his hands when she glared at him, unimpressed. 

Julie’s brown eyes were trained on him, clearly concerned. “What’s wrong with your foot?” she whispered as Mrs. Harrison started their lesson. It was about different types of music scales, which was nothing Alex hadn’t learned before. 

“Nothing. It’s just a little sore, is all. I think I got a blister from my run Saturday.” 

She frowned. “I think you need new shoes.” 

“Maybe? I think mine are probably fine,” he said quickly. The idea of Ray spending money on him twisted his stomach. 

“Fine for the 1990s!” 

“But shoes are so expensive…”

Julie frowned at him. “Alex, my dad knows kids cost money. He wouldn’t have taken you guys in if we couldn’t afford it.” 

Considering that he, Luke, Reggie and Willie had just appeared in the Molina’s studio after being both figuratively and theoretically _dead,_ Alex wasn’t so sure Ray felt he'd had a choice. “Maybe I should ask my sister?”

“Sure,” Julie said. “Or you could ask my _dad,_ since he’s, like, the one taking care of you.”

“Shut up,” Alex said without heat. 

“Trust me. He wants to do this,” Julie said. 

“And I would like you to pay attention to the lesson,” Mrs. Harrison said. 

Alex and Julie stopped talking. 

“Hey,” Julie whispered after Mrs. Harrison had turned back to the thing that looked like a giant whiteboard but was actually a computer screen, “want me to fix your foot?”

Julie’s Gift was sharing her Lifeforce, which had a strange side-effect of allowing her to see ghosts. It also meant she could help people heal themselves by giving them little bursts of energy. Alex didn’t understand it, but he’d sure felt it when Julie had saved them all from Caleb. “Yes!” Alex said immediately. “Do you need me to take my shoe off?”

“Probably not. Give.” Julie gestured and Alex shifted so his left calf was on Julie’s lap, his foot in easy reach. She put her hand over the toe of his shoe and concentrated for a moment. Her hand started to glow a soft, pure white light. There was a small flash, and all the discomfort in Alex’s foot disappeared. 

He sighed in relief, lowering his leg back to the floor. His foot really had hurt. “Thanks.” 

“Welcome.” She popped a glucose tablet out of a packet and slid it into her mouth before putting it back into her bag. All Gifted students were required to carry glucose tablets with them per school policy. “God, I hate how these taste.” 

“You’d think something made of sugar would be sweet, right?”

“And you’d think students wanting to get into the music program would be quieter,” Mrs. Harrison said, looking right at Alex.

He shrunk down into his seat as Julie giggled.

* * *

“Grade nine? Are you _serious?_ ”

“I’m sorry, William, but the placement test—”

“Willie,” Willie interrupted her. “It’s Willie. Not William.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ms. Lam, the guidance counsellor repeated, looking moderately contrite. Willie, Ray and the counsellor were sitting in her office at Los Feliz School of the Arts, reviewing the results of the test Willie had taken, to see how much high school he’d have to redo in order to graduate. 

Willie hadn’t been expecting much. It had been thirty years since he’d touched a textbook, after all. He’d died in what he’d assumed was his senior year. Julie had brought him back to life less than three weeks ago in mid-September. He couldn’t remember when he died, or how old he’d been. He thought he was around eighteen, but he wasn’t really sure. There was a lot of things he didn’t know.

Apparently, math was one of them.

Ray cleared his throat. “You were saying?”

“Willie’s placement test shows that he’s well above grade level for English and modern history, but below for math and science. But beyond that we still don’t have his original transcript. At this point we’d have to start him in grade nine to ensure he’d get all the credits he’d need to graduate.” 

“Oh my God.” Willie dropped his head back and slumped further in his chair. He had a vague sensation of high school being kind of cool the first time around, but there was no way he wanted to be sitting in a class with fourteen-year-olds. He looked at Ray. 

Ray caught his meaning. “What if we can locate his transcript?” he asked her.

“We’d give him credit for any course he’d taken that was still relevant thirty years later. However, the requirements for graduation changed in 2016, and Willie will still be responsible for anything he missed. I know it’s a lot to take in,” Ms. Lam said directly to Willie, voice kind, “and I can’t even imagine what it’d be like to teleport to the future with no way to get home. But we’ll help you through it.” 

Willie smiled tightly at her. “Thanks.” They’d only told the administration of Los Feliz School for the Arts part of the truth: that he’d ended up almost thirty years in the future. That might have been true for Alex, Luke and Reggie, thanks to Reggie’s Gift, but it wasn’t even close to what Willie had been through. However, the State of California actually had _rules_ for dealing with Gifted people who ended up travelling through time, which meant Willie’s reintegration into society was as easy as him checking a box on a form saying he somehow ended up in 2020 from 1991. 

But there probably wasn’t a check box in the whole United States for "was the student formerly dead?"

The counsellor looked between Ray and Willie. “Would you like to register now? We could start you in classes as early as this afternoon.” 

Willie shook his head without even glancing at Ray. He was _not_ ready to join up with some freshman class. Not today, and probably not ever. “Let me find my transcript first. I’d hate to waste some teacher’s time.” He smiled as he said it, using the same charming expression that had kept Caleb from killing him more than once. 

“Alright…” Ms. Lam's voice made it very clear how bad an idea she thought that was. “But it’s already October. You don’t want to fall too far behind.” 

_I’m thirty years behind,_ Willie thought, but he just grinned wider as he stood, suddenly desperate to get out of there. “Thank you for your help.”

She stood as well, as did Ray, clearly getting the hint. “Nice to meet you, Willie,” she said brightly. She put out her hand. 

Willie managed not to pause for too long before he shook it. It was so _weird_ that he could touch people now, and that everyone could see him. He couldn't wrap his head around being back in the world. 

Ray shook her hand and promised they’d be in touch, but Willie didn’t even wait for him to finish before he was down the hall, out the doors and waiting by Ray’s car. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had a cigarette before he died, or even if smoking was a thing he _did,_ but he _really_ wanted one now. 

Ray appeared and pressed the button on his key fob that automatically opened the door. It was so strange to have to wait for a car door to open now. He used to just slide in beside Julie or teleport to wherever they were going. Having to wait for keyless entry was such a small thing, but yet another reminder of how everything had changed. 

He got and Ray got into the car. “Seatbelt,” Ray said. 

Willie almost argued that he didn’t need it, but then he sighed and put it on. _You’re not a ghost anymore,_ he reminded himself fiercely. He wished it would just sink in.

“So,” Ray said after a few minutes of quiet driving, “that must have been a bit of a blow.” 

Willie glance at Ray out of the corner of his eye. “I just need to find my transcript.” 

“You know I’d be happy to help with that,” Ray said, “we could probably contact your old school, see if they have the records—” 

“No!” Willie said, too quickly. “No,” he repeated, softer this time. “It’s really nice of you to offer, but I can do it. Now that I’m alive again.” He smiled as he said it, like he was just looking forward to doing his own stuff now that he was back in the world.

“You’re sure?” 

“I’m sure. It’s been thirty years since I’ve had to do anything like this. I should probably get used to bureaucracy again, right?” Willie said, infusing his voice with as much sincerity as he could.

“Okay,” Ray sighed, “but let me know if you need help?”

“Absolutely.” Willie grinned at him, like everything was fine. Ray smiled back, like he bought it.

But the truth was, everything wasn’t fine. Willie couldn’t remember anything about his life before. Everything that he’d lived through before he died was a complete blank, like it’d never happened. It was like his life had begun with his afterlife. 

It was like he’d been born a ghost.

* * *

“ _We got in!_ ” Reggie shouted as he blasted through the studio doors, Alex and Luke hot on his heels.

Willie immediately stood up from where he’d been reviewing a grade nine math textbook. “You did?”

“Yes! We are the newest music students at Los Feliz School of the Arts!” Luke fist-pumped. 

“That’s awesome!” Willie enthused. He was so happy for his friends. He gave Reggie, then Luke and then Alex a hug. Alex lingered in his arms and Willie felt a small piece of him relax. Things always felt so much better when Alex was with him. “So, when do you start?”

“Tomorrow,” Alex said, gently withdrawing from Willie’s embrace. “We have to show up early to get our timetables.” 

“We’re back in grade eleven, though.” Luke scowled. “I can’t _believe_ I have to do geography over again.” 

“You dropped out of school in grade eleven,” Reggie reminded him. 

Luke’s scowl deepened. “Only for _half._ ”

“I don’t mind. It’ll give us more of a chance to get used to everything before we go off to university.” Alex shrugged.

“University? You mean on tour!” Luke exclaimed gleefully as he pounded Reggie on the back. “This band is gonna be _famous!_ ”

Alex grinned. “Okay, that too.” 

Willie smiled at their joy, but inside he felt a bit sick. At this rate it would take him two more years to graduate than Alex. Would his boyfriend really want to wait for him while he was surrounded by groupies? He really needed his transcript.

Like he was reading his mind, Alex turned to him. “How’d your assessment go?”

“Oh yeah! I forgot that was today! I bet you’ve already graduated, right?” Reggie nudged Willie with his elbow.

“Not even close.” Willie sighed. He sat back down on the couch, all the energy leaving him as he thought about his day. “I have to start over from freshman year.” 

“Grade nine? Really?” Luke frowned as he sat down on one of the chairs. Reggie pulled up the other chair beside him.

“That seems like cruel and unusual punishment.” Alex sat beside him. “Don’t you get any time off for good behaviour?”

Willie smirked at that. “Nope. Well, not without my transcripts.” 

“But doesn’t your old school have a copy? Like, don’t they have to keep a record or something?” Alex asked. 

“From ninety-one though? Would anyone keep records that long?” Reggie asked, and then yelped when Luke smacked him. “I’m just asking!”

“They keep them. The guidance counsellor told me today,” Willie said with certainty.

“That’s great news! We can just go to your old school and get them!” Alex beamed at him.

_Except I have no fucking clue what school that would be. _Willie just managed not to grimace. “Sure.”__

__“I bet Flynn could help. She’s a genius at finding stuff on the internet.” Reggie pulled out his phone. “What’s the name of your old school?”_ _

__“They’ll probably need your last name and date of birth,” Luke added. His eyebrows drew down. “What is your last name, anyway?”_ _

__“It’s okay,” Willie said quickly, before the conversation got out of his control. “It’s way too nice of a day to spend time indoors! Besides, I think I should take my boyfriend out for ice cream, to celebrate.”_ _

__“I love ice cream!” Reggie said happily._ _

__“Then take Flynn,” Willie said to him._ _

__“Yeah, dude, this is Willie and Alex time.” Luke swatted his shoulder._ _

__“Fine. I will.” Reggie glared at them and then texted something on his phone. His face split in a wide smile a moment later. “Tell Ray I might be late for dinner!” He disappeared in a flash of golden light._ _

__“God, I hate his Gift,” Alex muttered. He stood and took Willie’s hand. “But you promised me ice cream?”_ _

__Willie let Alex pull him to his feet before leaning in for a kiss._ _

__“Ew.” Luke made a face. “I’m right here.”_ _

__“Fine, we’re leaving.” Alex laughed._ _

__“I’m going to see if Julie wants to make music with me,” Luke said as he grabbed his phone off the coffee table. He still wasn’t in the habit of having it with him wherever he went._ _

__“’Making music.’” Willie made air quotes. “Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?” He laughed and then had to duck when Luke threw a pillow at him._ _

__“We’d better leave,” Alex said, tugging his hand, and Willie followed, glad his distraction had worked. He didn’t like lying to Alex, but he knew how upset Alex would be if he realized Willie couldn’t remember anything before his death. Willie was the strong one in the relationship; the one who helped Alex through his anxiety attacks and who held him after his nightmares. Alex deserved all the love and care, and Willie was going to give it to him. Otherwise, there was no reason for Alex to love him. Willie would sort it out._ _

__Satisfied with that thought, he and Alex left the studio and stepped out into the afternoon sunshine._ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willie finds his transcripts and Alex buys new shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have commented and kudo'd already! Comments and kudos mean a lot to us authors. Please consider leaving them. 
> 
> I'm going to post this one a lot faster than 'Schrödinger’s Boys,' just FYI.
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they may be chapter spoilers.
> 
> And another big THANK YOU to [ Taste_is_Sweet, ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) who is the kind of beta people can only dream of. Check out her JatP soulmark fic! It's really cool
> 
> * * *

“Where’s Reggie?” Ray asked as he spooned out a portion of cauliflower to Luke.

Luke made a face and Ray just managed to not scowl at him. Luke had a lot of opinions about vegetables. 

“He’s out with Flynn,” Alex said, already digging into his dinner. It made Ray smile. Alex really liked to eat, most likely because of how active his Gift made him. Still, it was a nice contrast to Luke, who constantly picked at his food unless it came by delivery. 

“Eat your vegetables. You’re not dying of scurvy on my watch,” Ray said to Luke, and then inwardly cursed himself. He’d wanted to wait to chastise the boy for at least a couple of minutes. 

Luke took a tiny piece and put it into his mouth, acting the entire time like it was going to choke him. Ray didn’t roll his eyes.

“How come he gets to skip dinner?” Carlos asked, peeved. “I wanted to play video games.” 

“Reggie shouldn’t be skipping dinner. He just hasn’t gotten the memo yet.” Julie took a bite of her chicken. 

“This is really good, Ray,” Willie said, and Ray smiled at him until he saw that Willie had doused everything in hot sauce. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Ray said skeptically. “And Julie’s right. Reggie should be here. I’ll make sure he knows the rules when he gets back.” 

“Don’t be too hard on him. He’s just madly in love,” Alex said, grinning at Willie the whole time.

Ray had to smile at that. It was so obvious that Willie and Alex were crazy about each other. “I won’t, I promise. But knowing expectations is important. Like, how Luke should eat his vegetables.” 

“How did this suddenly become about me?” Luke protested as everyone else laughed. He’d hidden his cauliflower under his mashed potatoes, like Ray wouldn’t notice. Amateur.

“Are you guys excited that you got into the music program?” Julie asked. She was sitting so close to Luke that he could barely use his right arm, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

“Totally!” Luke said gleefully. “We’ll get to perform, like, _every day!_ ”

“Not hardly,” Willie corrected him. “Performances are only once a week.” 

“How’d you know that?” Carlos asked, and then: “Oh right. You hung around Julie when you were dead.” 

Ray was continually impressed with how blasé Carlos was about the whole ghosts/not ghosts thing. He was still doing his best to not freak out about it. 

“That is true.” Willie pointed his fork at Carlos. “And now I’m wishing I’d done some schoolwork when I was there. Stay in school, kids.” 

“What?” Carlos looked at Ray for an explanation. 

“Willie has been put back in grade nine,” Ray said. 

“Grade nine!” Carlos said, shocked. “That’s going to _suck!_ ”

“Tell me about it.” Willie fist-bumped him.

“He’ll only have to do grade nine until we find his transcripts,” Alex said. He shoveled in another mouthful of cauliflower. It was really good to see him eat. 

Ray had been thinking about that, and how Willie still hadn’t shared any information that would make finding his transcripts easier. Not with Los Feliz High, and not with him. “About that. What _is_ your last name?” 

Willie paused, fork halfway to his mouth. He bit his lip. “Can’t I just go with Molina?” 

Julie gave a surprised gasp as Carlos’ eyes widened in pleasure. “Really?” she squeaked. 

“That’s really…” Ray had to clear his throat, touched by Willie’s gesture and concern about his transcripts immediately forgotten. “Yes. Yes, of course we can do that.” 

Willie beamed at him, then looked across the table at Julie. “I love you guys. I’ve kind of wanted to be a part of this family for years.” 

She jumped up from her seat and went around the table to hug him. “You totally are!” 

Ray glanced at Luke and Alex, who both looked happy for Willie, but also sad. They were thinking of their own families and everything they’d lost, Ray realized. He wasn’t sure what he could say to make it better.

Julie went and sat back down and Luke nudged her with his shoulder. “Want me to be a Molina too?”

“As far as I’m concerned, you already are,” Ray said firmly, hoping the boys would understand the depth of his commitment to them. They’d been in his life for less than three weeks, but Ray could already feel real affection blossoming in his chest for these four boys. Even Luke and his hatred of anything healthy.

Luke and Alex were both looking at him with identical expressions of surprise, like they couldn’t believe that Ray would actually care about them that much. Which made sense, if Ray thought about it. He didn’t know what had happened before the Orpheum fire back in ’95, but he did know that the members of Sunset Curve had been living in the same studio they slept in now. Julie had told him that Luke’s parents didn’t approve of his desire to have a career as a musician, even though music was his literal Gift, and Alex’s parents didn’t accept the fact he was gay. Julie didn’t know what had happened to Reggie, but considering he’d been so badly triggered when Ray had gotten mad at Julie that he’d threatened Ray with a knife, there was no way it could have been good. 

And Willie’s past was still a mystery. He hadn’t shared any of it.

“And before you ask, yes I mean that,” Ray said to the boys when their surprised and hopeful expressions had tugged at his heart strings long enough. “Now eat your vegetables, Luke. I know you’ve hidden them under your potatoes.” 

Luke groaned. “Can’t I just take a multivitamin or something? I thought things were meant to be better in the future!” 

Alex smiled at Willie again. “I think they are.” 

“And speaking of things being better,” Julie said innocently. “Alex needs new running shoes. His old ones are giving him blisters.” 

Alex whipped his head around to stare at her. “Julie!” 

Ray sighed inwardly. He hoped he wouldn’t have to fight with them every time they needed new things. “It’s okay, Alex. I’ve actually budgeted for you guys to get new clothes. Just like I’m an adult.” He smiled to take any sting out of his words. 

“You don’t mind? Really?”

“Nope. I kind of expect teenage boys to need new things,” Ray said. “And I know how much you like to run.” 

Alex’s returned smile was shy. “Thank you.” 

Julie clapped her hands. “We can go shopping this weekend!” 

Ray hated the mall at the best of times. Having to shepherd at least five teenagers around sounded exhausting. Especially as Luke and Reggie were so distractable. Flynn would probably want to go, too, which would make getting Reggie to focus downright impossible. “Better you than me, _mija,_ ” he said.

“I don’t need new clothes,” Luke grumbled.

Willie leveled his gaze on him. “The dress code at school requires sleeves.” 

“Seriously?” Luke leaned back in his chair, the picture of dejection. “High school is gonna _suck!_ ”

“Eat your vegetables.” Ray smiled.

* * *

Willie felt like he'd dodged a bullet. 

He’d been completely caught off guard when Ray had brought up his missing last name over the dinner table. His first reaction had been anger. How _dare_ Ray put him on the spot like that? Especially in front of Alex, who had no idea how much Willie didn’t remember. 

But he’d managed to get it under control. He’d felt pretty clever in the way he’d distracted Ray with his ‘can’t I just go with Molina?’ line. It was just sentimental enough to appeal to Ray’s big heart, and it’d stopped him from wondering about Willie’s nonexistent identity. 

It wasn’t even a lie. Julie was his best friend. More like a sister, really, and Ray and Carlos were totally cool. He’d loved Julie’s family for years, just like he’d said. He’d be totally okay with being a Molina. He wished he had the fist clue what his real family had been like. 

He skated along Santa Monica Boulevard, trying to shake off the feelings of anger and despair Ray’s innocent question had caused. He’d left the studio as soon as the guys and Julie had started practicing. He knew Alex liked him to be there, but tonight he felt like he couldn’t. He needed space.

He’d been super happy when he’d found out his board had become real when he’d turned back alive. He’d tossed the helmet though. The giant crack in it sure wasn’t going to keep him safe now. Ray had bought him a new helmet right away, and it was way cooler than his old one had been. He’d gotten one in a bright pink colour, because fuck gender norms. Plus, it made him think of Alex. But it’d felt really weird to throw the old one away. It’d been part of him for so many years, and yet now it was gone. 

_Kind of like my past,_ he guessed. At some point he must have known who he was. 

He turned left from Lexington onto North Beechwood Drive, muscle memory guiding his skateboard more than his brain. He only realized where he was headed when he turned right onto Santa Monica Boulevard. Gordon Street was right in front of him, and he automatically turned left, zooming along the roadway and straight into the Hollywood Forever cemetery. 

The name still felt foreign to him, even though it’d been changed from Hollywood Memorial Park in 1998. It was still hard for him to think of it as "Hollywood Forever." Maybe it was because he’d thought he’d be a ghost forever, before Julie had somehow saved him. 

Willie stopped and kicked his board up into his hands. It felt disrespectful to board down the pathways in between the graves. He tucked his board beneath his arm and walked among the gravestones. The cemetery was famous because of all the famous people who’d been buried there. But he’d always liked it for all the regular people who’d ended up there as well. 

He remembered walking through the graves when he’d been a ghost, reading the small pieces of people’s histories that their loved ones had written on their tombstones. He’d wondered if his grave was somewhere in there: a stone engraved with a last name he wouldn’t recognize. He wondered if anyone still put flowers on it. He wondered if they ever did. 

He traced the route he’d taken numerous times as a ghost now, going along West Avenue from the entrance by the Cupid and Psyche statue. He stepped onto the soft grass, eyes on the gravestones around him. The dates went right back to when the cemetery opened in 1899, and there were hundreds of them. If he were actually buried there, he’d never know.

He waked through that section, crossed Pineland Avenue and went to the Highland plot where there were fewer famous graves. He walked through, noticing which ones had flowers or flags, and which ones looked like no one had been there in a while. It felt a little like he was being pulled along, his feet finding the path without his conscious input.

A particular grave caught his eye: _William Ross, February 14, 1974 – December 21, 1991,_ with no other information. It was a polished black stone with grey letters, stately but not fancy. Willie winced as he read it. It must have been really hard for his family that he died right before Christmas. Although a birthday on Valentine’s day might’ve been fun. 

Willie ran his hands over the stone, feeling the contrast between the cool smoothness and the rough letters. Whomever this William was, Willie realized, he’d died in the same year Willie had, and they also shared the same first name. He couldn’t remember his own birthdate, but the likelihood it was Valentine’s Day had to be remote. He paused, hand resting on top of the gravestone. If he ignored the small fact the dates of this William’s birth and death couldn’t have been identical to Willie's, they could actually be one and the same. 

Willie’s heart sped up as he contemplated the idea forming in his head. Could it really be that simple? Whomever this William Ross was, he clearly wouldn’t need his name and birthdate any more, and Willie desperately did.

Because as of now, Willie-who-couldn’t-remember-his-real-last-name, was going to be the dearly departed William Ross. Willie would do a lot of things if it meant he didn’t have to repeat freshman math, including taking the identity of this young man who was 29 years dead. He hoped William Ross had gone to high school in Los Angeles County. He hoped he’d done well.

He didn’t know if William was a ghost or not, but he hoped either way his soul would know how thankful he was. “Thank you, William,” Willie whispered to the air. “I’ll do your name proud.” 

He stroked the gravestone again, feeling the rough texture beneath his palm. “William Ross,” he repeated softly, liking the way the name sounded. He smiled, feeling lighter than he had in a really long time.

He had a last name.

* * *

“Alex!” Willie said as he came through the studio doors.

Alex stopped drumming, which made the rest of the band protest immediately. But Willie had just come back, and there was no way Alex wasn’t going to say "hello". He got up and went to Willie, kissing him soundly. 

“Jeez guys. PDA much?” Julie said, hands on hips. 

“You know he’s only been gone a couple of hours, right?” Luke rolled his eyes. 

“I think it’s romantic.” Reggie sighed. 

“Thank you, Reggie,” Willie said with a big grin. “And that’s why you’re my favourite.” 

“I’m his favourite!” Reggie said happily. Luke pushed him. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Willie said, not looking very sorry at all, “but I wanted to tell Alex something.” He was holding Alex’s hand as he spoke and staring deeply into his eyes. It was really intense, and Alex had to drop his gaze for a moment before looking again. 

Julie came out from behind her keyboard. “Okay, we’ll vacate the premises. Anyone want to come inside for hot chocolate?”

“Me!” Reggie said quickly. “I love hot chocolate.” 

“No, it’s okay. I can tell you guys too,” Willie said as he led Alex to the couch. The bed had been folded up to make room for practice. They sat down, and Julie sat beside Willie and curled into his side. 

“So hot chocolate after, then?” Reggie said as he sat down on one of the chairs.

“What’s up?” Luke said as he sat down. He flicked an anxious glance to Alex. “It’s good news, right?”

“Totally.” Willie grinned. “I ordered my transcript and I was able to view it online.” 

“That’s amazing!” Alex hugged Willie and Julie pilled on as Luke whooped and Reggie cried: “You got it!

“I did!” Willie said happily after Julie and Alex had given him some room. “Willie Ross, born February 14, 1974, went to Immaculate Heart Catholic school, and got…” He paused, then added with a flourish, “an A+ in grade nine math.” 

The band exploded in celebration. “You don’t need to retake grade nine math!” Alex cried joyfully. He knew exactly how much Willie had been dreading it. 

“I don’t think I’ll need more than a year to graduate, actually. Turns out I was almost done before I died.” Willie smiled as he said it, but it seemed slightly off somehow, like he wasn’t quite as happy as he seemed. Alex blinked, unsure what that meant.

No one else seemed to notice. “That's fantastic!” Julie embraced him again. 

“Wait. You were born in 74?” Reggie asked thoughtfully, “and you died in 91, right? Wouldn’t that make you only seventeen, like us? I thought you were eighteen already.”

“I’m seventeen just until February.” Willie grinned, and this time his smile was completely real.

“Valentine’s day,” Alex said. He grinned back. 

“How ever shall we celebrate?” Willie asked, eyes sparkling.

Alex couldn’t believe how handsome he was. His grin broadened. “No idea. But we should probably practice.” 

Luke rolled his eyes. “Get a room.”

* * *

Ray drove everyone but Flynn and Reggie to the Santa Monica Plaza, which was near the ocean and about 40 minutes away from Los Feliz. Reggie had, predictably, grabbed Flynn and teleported there ahead of time, which worked well because there wasn’t room in the car. But it also meant they’d avoided Julie and Luke fighting over the playlist. 

Sometimes Alex _really_ hated Reggie’s Gift. 

He’d made the best of it, snuggled up to Willie for the ride, which was nice, but it wasn’t like they could make out with Luke sitting right there. The best they could do was hold hands and eye fuck. Which was kind of cool, but not really how Alex had wanted to spend his Saturday. 

“Hey!” Reggie said as he and Flynn met them by the main doors, after Ray had dropped them off. They were both holding cups of bubble tea and Reggie was carrying a bag that most likely belonged to Flynn. “How was the drive?”

Luke glared at him, cranky from losing the playlist fight. “Fuck off.” 

“Excuse me for not being able to teleport all of you.” Reggie frowned at them. 

“You could’ve made two trips,” Luke groused. 

“He’s just mad because Dad wouldn’t let him play his music,” Julie said, taking Flynn’s arm. “So, what did you buy?”

“The cutest bralette and this cool pair of capris!” Flynn said. 

“Oh, capris and bralettes!” Luke imitated a girl’s voice before dropping the façade. “I have no idea what either of those mean.” 

Julie looked at him. “They had capris in the nineties.” 

“No, they didn’t.” 

“Yeah, they did,” Willie said. “They were just called pedal pushers and they were hella ugly.”

“Well, these are not ugly,” Flynn sniffed. 

“Oh yeah, she looks so cute in them!” Reggie beamed at his girlfriend. “And the colour’s great—”

“Okay, yes. Flynn fashion icon,” Alex said. “Where are we going?”

“Well, you guys got to stick with me because I have Daddy’s credit card.” Julie grinned at them. 

“Or…we could go our separate ways, find what we need, and have you meet us afterwards to pay?” Willie suggested with raised eyebrows. “Might go faster.” 

“You never minded shopping with me before.” Julie pouted at him. 

“Because no one else could see me before. Now it’s different.” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “But I can’t promise I’ll rush to your location if I’m trying stuff on.” 

“We’ll have them put it on hold,” Willie said. “C’mon Alex, let’s get you shoes.” 

“I’m going with Flynn!” Reggie said quickly, like anyone had doubted it. 

“What about you, Luke? Wanna come with us to find you some shirts that cover your arms?” Alex asked, even though there was no question he was going with Julie. 

“I still think it’s a dumb dress code,” Luke muttered. 

“He’s coming with us,” Julie said. “It’s a woman’s prerogative to dress her boyfriend.” 

“Oh, can we get his hair cut, too?” Reggie asked as they walked off. 

“Text us when you want the card!” Julie called to them over her shoulder, and then Alex and Willie were alone.

Forty-five minutes later, Alex was sure he’d tried on every pair of running shoes in the sportswear store. The shoes were cool and expensive, but none of them helped with the pain in the side of his foot. Julie’s zap had gotten rid of it for a few days, but now it was suddenly back with a vengeance. The pain had also spread from his foot to his ankle and was getting harder to ignore. 

“Do you think you might have a stress fracture?” the salesperson said after she’d given Alex yet another pair that hadn’t eased the pain.

“Maybe,” Alex said, glancing at Willie who rolled his eyes. 

“That’s what I told him when it first started hurting,” Willie said to her. 

“If you already have an injury, new shoes aren’t going to get rid of the pain,” she said. “They’ll help, but you really should be resting it until it heals.” 

That sounded terrible, actually. Alex couldn’t imagine having to go without running for more than a few days. It was his major form of stress release. Well, that and his drumming, which also caused his foot to hurt. He’d be a big ball of anxiety if he had to give up both even for a short period of time. 

“Maybe the pink and purple pair?” Alex pointed at one of the first few he’d tried on. It had seemed comfortable and he was getting desperate. Even if it only made his foot hurt _less,_ he’d treat it as a win.

She handed them to him and he slipped them back on before standing up and bouncing on his toes. “These feel pretty good.” They did: soft on his heels and comfortingly tight around the top of his foot. It was just the rubbing on the outside edge that was hella irritating. He knew he was going to be limping by the end of the day. Well, unless Julie could zap him again. 

“What do you think?” the salesperson asked. 

“I think I’ll buy them,” Alex said as he took them off and handed them to her. All he wanted to do was go sit down somewhere, preferably with a bubble tea like what Reggie and Flynn had bought, and a place for him to elevate his foot. It was really sore. 

“Perfect!” the woman said, looking way too relieved. “Shall I bring them to the cash?”

Willie already had his phone out. “I just texted Julie. She says she’ll be here in about ten.” 

That was nine minutes too long. “Can we put them aside for our friend to buy?” Alex asked. 

“Sure,” the woman said. “What’s their name?”

Willie gave her Julie’s details while Alex sat down on the bench again. He rubbed at his ankle, wishing he could make the pain go away. It really did feel like something might’ve cracked on the inside. 

Willie sat down beside him, eyes worried. “It’s worse than before, isn’t it?”

Alex nodded. “It’s spread up to my ankle.” 

“You probably shouldn’t be walking on it.” Willie bent over his phone again. “I’m going to get Reggie to teleport you home.” 

“Can we wait to see if Julie can zap it first?” Alex asked. He was enjoying being with Willie, even if it was at a mall. “It worked before.” 

“Okay, but if it doesn’t help, then Reggie’s taking you home. No arguments.” Willie put his phone away. 

“No arguments,” Alex agreed. If Julie’s zap didn’t work, he knew he’d need Reggie to help him. “Can we get out of this store?”

“Can you walk well enough?” Willie asked, but he stood and helped Alex get to his feet. Alex grimaced when he put weight on his left foot, but it wasn’t too bad. He could handle it if he didn’t go far. They went out of the store and Alex sat down on the bench placed conveniently a few steps away. He’d been able to make it under his own steam, but now his leg was throbbing from his ankle to the tip of his pinkie toe. He put his foot up on the bench. Elevating it helped it a little. 

“You’re really sore, aren’t you?” Willie said, worried. “I think I need to call Reggie.” 

“Let Julie try first, please?” Alex said. “She’s right here.” 

Julie came up, hand firmly in Luke’s. Luke looked a bit less grumpy, which Alex attributed to the half-eaten pretzel he had in his hand. Luke still hadn’t figured out that Gifted people needed to eat on the regular. 

Flynn and Reggie were right behind them and Reggie was carrying two more bags than he'd had when they first met. It looked like it all belonged to Flynn. 

“Tell me you got Luke some school-appropriate shirts,” Alex said.

“We have not.” Julie sighed. “Someone is allergic”—she made air quotes with her free hand—”to sleeves.” 

“I just didn’t find anything I liked!” Luke objected. He ate another bite of his pretzel. 

“They won’t allow you in class,” Willie said. 

“I was fine during our audition!’ 

“You had a jacket on,” Flynn reminded him. “Mrs. Harrison didn’t know your shoulders were bare.” 

“Shoulders are not sexual. And besides, it shouldn’t be my problem if people are distracted by my body. Make them look somewhere else.” 

“Said every girl sent home for wearing spaghetti straps ever,” Julie said. She suddenly noticed how Alex was sitting. “Hey, is your foot hurting again?”

“Yeah. Only it’s now gone up to my ankle.” Alex grimaced.

“Is that the same thing that happened in music class?” Reggie asked.

“It’s worse,” Alex admitted.

“I thought I fixed it.” Julie frowned. “Why didn’t it stick?”

“Probably because Alex has still been running on it. With his old shoes,” Willie said.

“Betraytor,” Alex muttered, using one of Flynn’s words. Willie laughed, unrepentant. 

Julie sat down beside Alex on the bench and gently pulled off his sneaker. Even that small movement hurt and he hissed in pain. Julie winced in sympathy. “It’s that bad, huh? Hold on.” She gripped his foot in both of hers and concentrated. 

The flash of white light was less obvious in the mall’s bright illumination, but it still brought instant relief. Alex sighed, tension draining from his shoulders. 

“Better?” Julie grinned at him. 

“Much!” He grinned back. “Thank you!” 

“You’re Gift is awesome.” Luke looked at her with legit heart eyes. 

“She’s the best,” Alex agreed. He put his foot back into his sneaker and stood. There was no pain. 

“So, did you actually choose some shoes?” Julie asked after she’d chewed a few glucose tablets. “Because I have the card.” 

“Yeah, I did,” Alex said. “They’re in there.” He pointed at the store. 

“Let’s go,” she took his arm and he started leading her back. “You’ve known Luke the longest,” she said conversationally as soon as her boyfriend was out of earshot, “how do I get him to dress more modern? And you know, be actually _dressed?_ ”

Alex laughed. “Tell him he looks so sexy you want to rip the shirt off him. That should work.”

“I’m worried it’ll just feed his ego,” she said. “He knows how cute he is.” 

“That he does,” Alex agreed, “but he’ll wear it if you ask. He’s crazy about—ow!” He cried out as his foot flared in pain. 

Julie looked at him wide-eyed. “My Gift didn’t work?” 

“No,” Alex gritted out. He was leaning heavily on Julie, his leg pulsing in pain from his foot to halfway up his calf. He felt like it’d been slit open with a knife. 

Julie looked behind her. “Reggie!”

Reggie teleported in in front of them a second later. “Alex, you do _not_ look good.” 

“Can you take him home, please?” Julie asked. “He needs some ice and probably some painkillers.” 

“Would you mind grabbing those shoes for me?” Alex asked. He hated the idea of coming out here for nothing. 

“I’ll do it now,” Julie said. “Go home.” 

“I’ll come back after.” Reggie slung Alex’s arm over his shoulder. “Ready, buddy?” 

Alex nodded, and a second later they were in the Molina’s living room. Alex sat down heavily on the couch. 

Ray looked up from where he’d been working at his desk. “Boys? Why are you back?”

“Alex’s foot really hurts so I brought him home,” Reggie said.

“Thanks for that.” Ray stood and went to Alex, taking in his pained expression and the way his leg was stretched out on the couch. “That looks really sore. I’ll get you an ice pack, and maybe some pain medication?” He went to the kitchen.

“Thank you,” Alex called after him. 

“Do you need me? Or is it okay if I head back to the mall?” Reggie pointed in the mall’s vague direction with his thumb.

“You can go, it’s fine,” Alex said. At least Reggie was having a good day. “Eat some glucose first!” 

“Yes mom,” Reggie said with a grin. He went into the kitchen, then returned a moment later with Ray, a glass of water and a bottle of pills. His mouth was full of glucose tablets.

“Here, Alejandro.” Ray wrapped a bag of ice around his foot and another around his ankle, then took the pill bottle and water from Reggie and gave him two. Alex swallowed them gratefully. 

Reggie swallowed the tablets in his mouth. “What’s Reginald in Spanish?” 

“Reginaldo,” Ray said. 

Reggie nodded. “Makes sense. Do you need anything else?” he asked Alex.

 _Just a new leg._ “Nope,” Alex said, “go join the gang.” 

Reggie grinned broadly and disappeared. 

“I’m going to get you Carlos’ laptop. At least you can watch some Netflix or something.” Ray smiled at him and left. 

Alex lay back on the couch. The pain was pretty bad. He hoped the medication and the ice would help. It was nice to have Ray look after him, even though it sucked that he needed him to. 

He thought about the new shoes Julie was buying for him, and how he wouldn’t get to run in them any time soon. That probably hurt most of all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gets crutches and Willie is a protective boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonjour tout le monde! 
> 
> Here's another chapter for you :D
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they may be chapter spoilers.
> 
> I will not stop thanking [ Taste_is_Sweet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) for her awesome beta talents.
> 
> * * *

The next day Ray took Alex to the hospital. 

“I’m sorry to disturb you on your day off,” Ray said to Alison, Alex’s sister, once he’d helped Alex onto the exam table. “But he’s obviously in pain and I didn’t want to leave it too long.” 

“I’m glad you called. We’ll get him through faster if I’m here.” Alison spoke to Ray, but her eyes were fastened on Alex, her hands going through his hair. They’d been in the waiting room for the Emergency Department when she’d arrived, and within minutes they’d been taken into one of the treatment rooms. Ray didn’t even feel bad about skipping the line. 

“I’m okay, Alison. It just hurts. I’m not _dying_ or anything,” Alex said.

Alison frowned. “Don’t say things like that.” 

“Okay, jeez,” Alex muttered. He moved his left leg further onto the pillow his sister had found for his ankle. It was clear even that small movement hurt. 

Alison looked at his bare foot, a corner of her lip between her teeth. “I really shouldn’t assess him since he’s my brother.” It was obvious she was really tempted.

“Don’t get yourself in trouble,” Ray said. “We can wait.” 

“I’ve asked one of my colleagues to come take a look as soon as he’s free,” Alison said. She turned back to Alex. “You really don’t remember injuring it?”

“Willie thinks it’s a stress fracture,” Alex said. 

“Ah yes, the boyfriend. And when am I going to get to meet him?”

“Alison!” Alex groaned. “You already met him, remember?” Alison had been the doctor to take care of him, Luke, Reggie, Julie and Willie after Julie had rescued them from Caleb. She’d been the one who'd told Willie he’d returned to the land of the living. 

“That doesn’t count,” Alison said with a wave of her hand. “He was my patient. Not the same.” 

“But you _did_ meet him,” Alex grumbled. “So it’s not like you need to meet him _again._ ” 

“But you’ve met _my_ wife,” Alison said, all innocence.

“But you guys are married. Me and Willie haven’t been together that long.” 

“I remember he was really cute. Even in a hospital gown.” 

“Yes, he’s cute.” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Can I at least see a picture?”

“No!” 

“You have to have at least _one_ picture on that fancy phone Ray bought you. Show me one. Please?” 

It was interesting to watch their sibling dynamics, despite the huge age gap that was now between them. But Ray could see Alex’s cheeks pinking and he decided to rescue the boy. 

“Alex has been doing a lot of running in the past couple of weeks,” Ray said, “and he’s been using shoes that he’s had since the nineties.” 

“That would definitely put you at risk of stress fractures,” Alison said, immediately all business. She moved to the end of the exam table and started pressing into the instep of Alex’s foot with her thumbs. “Does this hurt?”

“Yes!” Alex tried to pull his foot away.

“Hold still!” She felt along the ball of his foot and then pressed on the top, then had him extend his foot, then flex it back. He grimaced and groaned with every move, clearly in pain. It was hard for Ray to watch. “Is the pain just in your foot?” Alison asked.

“It started in my foot, but now goes half way up my leg,” Alex said.

“Front or back?”

“Both,” Alex said, then winced as Alison started flexing his ankle.

“The whole thing hurts, huh?” Alison said, bending his ankle back and forth. 

“Can’t you just use your Gift?” Alex said, voice tight. “Because this _really_ hurts!” 

“My Gift doesn’t work on musculoskeletal injuries,” Alison said. “I have to do this the old-fashioned way.” 

A young, attractive man with his hair clipped military short strode into the room. He had on a white coat over a white button-down, yellow Converse sneakers, and jeans. His white shirt didn’t look at all practical for a hospital setting. “Hello,” he said. “I am Doctor Petrović. Alison, what have you found?” His voice was coloured with what sounded like an Eastern European accent. 

“Hey, Miroslav,” Alison said. “This is my brother, Alex.” She then rattled off the details of the assessment she’d done. The medical terms went right over Ray’s head. 

“Hm,” Miroslav said. He pumped some hand sanitizer onto his palms and rubbed them together before moving to where Alison was and immediately repeating all the assessments Alison had just done. Only rougher. Alex cried out in pain and Ray stepped forward, ready to bodily make Miroslav stop. 

He finally seemed to have learned enough and stopped and crossed his arms, frowning. “He will need an X-ray.” 

“Maybe you could’ve started with that before you nearly ripped off my foot?” Alex said angrily. 

Miroslav ignored him and turned to Alison. “I will write the requisition and get him some pain medication.” He pumped some more hand sanitizer and stalked out.

Ray went to Alex. “You okay?” 

“That fucking _sucked,_ ” Alex whimpered. He covered his eyes with his hand. Ray glared at Alison.

“I’ll get his nurse,” she said, and left. 

“I’m so sorry, mijo,” Ray said. He stroked his hand through Alex’s hair, the way Alison had done. The strands were fine and soft against his fingers, so different from Julie’s curls.

“It really hurts,” Alex said, as if Ray thought he was making it up. 

“I know. I could see how much it hurt,” Ray said. “You were very brave.”

Alex lowered his hand. His eyes were red-rimmed and shiny. “You have really low expectations.” 

That made Ray laugh. “Or, maybe I know better than you what brave looks like.” 

Alex smirked. “Fine. I’m brave.” 

“Better.” Ray grinned at him. 

Alex sighed. “Ray, what’s wrong with my foot?”

“Probably stress fractures, like Willie said. The X-ray should tell us.” 

Alex raised his head. “Thank you for buying me the new shoes, by the way. It’s really nice of you.” 

“That’s what parents do, mijo,” Ray said. 

“Buy shoes?” Alex smirked. 

“Take care of their children,” Ray said.

* * *

Willie didn’t like seeing Alex on crutches. 

Alex was taking it all in stride as he crutched down the hallway of their school. Willie was carrying his bag for him as he ran interference for any of the other students who were too blind or too stupid to see that Alex was injured. He’d pushed four kids out of the way already. It was making him mad.

“You really don’t have to walk me to class,” Alex said for the third time. “I don’t want you to be late.” 

“I don’t give a shit about being late,” Willie said with a bit more force than was probably necessary. “I don’t want one of these idiots to hurt you _worse._ ”

Alex smiled happily. “That’s actually pretty romantic.” 

“You have a strange idea of romance,” Willie said, but he smiled back. Seeing Alex like this was so much better than seeing him in pain. 

“I can’t believe I have to use these for _six weeks!_ ” Alex groaned as he had to dodge yet another student who’s eyes were on his phone instead of the world around him. Luckily his Gift was still fully functional. He pivoted around the student like the crutches were just another limb. 

“Only six weeks,” Willie reminded him. “It could’ve been a lot worse.” 

“I guess.” Alex frowned. 

“Ray said they didn’t find any broken bones, so the doctor thinks it should heal pretty quickly if you’re not using it,” Willie said. “That’s not terrible.” 

“The doctor was a total bastard,” Alex said vehemently. “You should’ve seen the way he twisted my foot when he knew it hurt!” 

“He should be glad I wasn’t there,” Willie growled. Even the idea of someone hurting Alex made him murderous. 

Alex looked at him askance. “I don’t know if I should be turned on or afraid.” 

“Turned on.” Willie laughed. 

“That’s lucky, then.” Alex grinned at him, and Willie would’ve kissed him if they weren’t walking in the middle of the school hallway. 

“Hey,” Alex said, after they’d moved another few feet towards Alex’s class. “Did you ever break anything?”

Willie's heart caught in his chest. “What?”

“You know, when you were a kid? I’ve never broken anything before, which, now I think about it, might be because of my Gift. But, have you?” 

Willie swallowed. He had no idea if he’d ever broken anything or not. It was as nonexistent a memory as his actual birthdate or his real last name. “Sure. My right arm when I was ten. When I first started to skateboard.” It was a total lie, but Willie knew it would sound more believable than saying he’d either never broken anything or didn’t remember if he had. How many un-Gifted kids made it all the way through childhood without breaking at least one bone, anyway? For all he knew he had broken something, so maybe it wasn’t actually a lie. 

“Makes sense,” Alex said, immediately proving Willie’s point. He glanced at Willie through his eyelashes. “Did it hurt?”

“Why, you want to kiss it better?” Willie said, as flirty as possible. Alex was _very_ easy to distract that way, not that Willie minded. 

“I could start there.” Alex bit his lip, and Willie just managed not to throw him against the lockers and kiss him senseless. 

“I hope you’re not busy after school,” Willie murmured and Alex blushed. 

“Well, it’s not like I’m going to be practicing with the band any time soon.” Alex grimaced. “Luke is not happy about that.” 

“Luke needs to suck it,” Willie said, frowning. Didn’t Luke understand that Alex was injured? The band could wait. 

“Easy, tiger,” Alex said with a laugh. “You don’t need to defend my honour from Luke.” 

Willie laughed too. “Okay, Luke doesn’t have to suck it.” 

“Unless Julie asks nicely,” Alex said. 

“Ugh, don’t say stuff like that! She’s like my little sister!” Willie made a face and Alex smirked. 

They stopped in front of one of the classrooms. “This is me. Grade eleven biology.” 

Willie couldn't not kiss him goodbye. It was quicker than he wanted, but the school had rules about public displays of affection. “See you later?” he whispered against Alex’s mouth. 

“I’ll meet you at my locker,” Alex said back. 

“Be safe.” Willie pecked him on the lips and turned to leave.

“You have my bag!” Alex called after him. “Carry it in for me?”

Willie rolled his eyes, but he followed his boyfriend into the classroom and helped him to get settled. He kissed him again, in front of Alex’s bio teacher no less. Because some rules were made to be broken. 

He was really late getting to class.

* * *

Willie didn’t meet Alex at his locker.

Normally, the gang all met at Luke’s locker after school because his was conveniently located beside the doors closest to the bus stop. But now that Alex was injured, they’d all ended up at Alex’s. 

Only Willie wasn’t there. 

“Where’s Willie?” Alex asked Julie as soon as he saw her. 

“Hello to you, too,” she said. She held up her phone. “He had to stay to talk to guidance. Didn’t he text you?”

“Probably,” Alex said with a deep sigh. 

“Let me guess, it’s in your backpack?” Luke said. He’d been walking with Julie, her school bag over his shoulder. His _bare_ shoulder. He’d actually rolled up the sleeves of his T-shirt until they didn’t cover his arms. His dedication was impressive. 

“Yeah. And it’s amazing how hard it is to get anything out of your backpack when you’re using crutches.” Alex grimaced. 

“That sucks,” Luke said sympathetically. He picked Alex’s bag off the floor and fished out his phone. “What do you have in here, rocks?” 

“The bones of my enemies,” Alex said, and Julie and Alex laughed. 

“What’s so funny?” Reggie asked as he arrived, hand-in-hand with Flynn. He was already grinning in anticipation of the joke. 

“Alex has the bones of his enemies in his backpack,” Julie explained. 

“Is that why it’s so heavy?” Reggie asked. 

His friends started to joke about whose bones were in his bag and Alex checked his phone. He did have a message from Willie saying he was going to be late, and that they should head home without him. Alex texted back a ton of heart emojis and several crying faces. He didn’t want to leave Willie behind.

“Hey, guys,” Flynn said. She checked her watch. “We need to get going if we’re going to make the bus.” 

“But Willie—”

“I can get him when he’s done,” Reggie said to Alex. 

“That’d be awesome,” Alex said gratefully. He didn’t like the idea of Willie having to ride the bus alone, but the pain medication he’d had at lunch was definitely wearing off. He really wanted to get home. 

Julie must have seen something in his face. “Hey, Alex, can I zap your leg before we go?”

“Please,” Alex almost moaned. Julie’s zaps might not last, but it felt amazing to be completely out of pain even for a few minutes.

She knelt down and her hands flared. Alex sighed in relief. 

“Better? Or do you need another?” she asked, still kneeling by his feet.

He made a small circle with his ankle, but there was no pain. “It’s good. Thanks!” 

Julie stood. “Its not going to last, though.” 

“We should head,” Flynn said, and they all started to move out. Julie took her bag back and Luke first put Alex’s phone away before shouldering his backpack. They formed a protective square around Alex, making sure no one would bump into him as they trekked to the bus stop. 

It almost worked. A few steps away from the stop, a kid charged past them, clearly wanting to catch a bus that was pulling away from the curb. His bag swung wildly as he ran and it hit Reggie in his shoulder. Reggie lost his balance and bumped into Alex, which shouldn’t’ve mattered because of Alex’s Gift, but he’d been crutching around all day and he was tired. He stumbled and caught himself on his left foot. 

The pain was immediate and excruciating. Alex howled, clutching his crutches as he took all his weight off his left leg. The pain roared through him, from his foot all the way up to his knee. He couldn’t help his tears.

“Shit, _shit!_ I’m so sorry!” Reggie had his hands out like he wanted to touch Alex, but he had no idea which place wouldn’t hurt. 

Alex hung on to the crutches, knowing that they were the only thing actually keeping him upright. His head was bent forward, tears falling straight from his eyes onto the ground. His whole body was shaking. 

“I’m gonna zap you again.” Julie’s voice was tense. He felt the gentle heat of her Gift and the pain eased enough that he could actually take in a breath. “Did that work?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it worked.” Alex shuddered. He was able to stand upright, tears drying on his cheeks. His whole lower leg was throbbing in time with his racing heartbeat. 

“I’m so sorry,” Reggie said, looking like he was going to cry as well. “I didn’t mean—”

“It wasn’t you, it was that _kid,_ ” Luke said. He was as angry as Willie would've been. “He wasn’t looking where he was going. Stupid fuck!” 

“We’ve missed the bus,” Flynn said. “Alex, can Reggie teleport you home?”

“Please,” Alex whimpered. He felt completely wrung out. 

“I’ll come back for you guys,” Reggie said. He took Alex’s arm like he was afraid to touch him at all. The next second they reappeared in the studio. Reggie had placed them right by the couch. It was still set up like a bed, and Alex sat down, grateful that he could rest his back. 

Reggie took his crutches, helped him take off his shoes and then placed his left foot on the bed like he was made of glass. Alex kind of felt like he was made of glass right that second. 

“You good for a minute?” Reggie asked, then disappeared as soon as Alex nodded. He reappeared less than a minute later; pill bottle, glass of water and a blister package of glucose tablets in his hands. He gave the water to Alex, and then shook out two pain pills, which Alex gratefully took. He also fed Alex two of the glucose tablets "just because", before taking several himself. 

“How’s your pain?” Reggie asked after they’d both swallowed the disgusting tablets. 

“Better. Thank you,” Alex said. Between Julie’s zap and being able to elevate it on something soft, the pain had dropped down to a distant throb instead of a stabbing ache. He was so tired now, though. His eyes closed. 

“Is it okay if I go get everyone else? I’ve left your crutches right here.” 

Alex cracked one eye open to see what Reggie was talking about. The crutches had been propped up right by where Alex was resting, within easy reach if Alex had to get up for any reason. Although really, he was planning to never get up again if he could help it. 

“I should be okay,” Alex said, “it’s not like you’ll be gone long.” He meant it as a joke, but he had a sudden spasm of fear. What if Reggie and the others never came back, and his pain got really bad again? _Stop it!_ he admonished himself. That was the fastest way to talk himself into an anxiety attack and he was feeling bad enough as it was. 

“I’ll be right back, I swear,” Reggie said, like some knight going off to the crusades. He disappeared in his trademark flash of golden light. 

Alex closed his eyes again, feeling his pulse throbbing in his leg. It was like every beat of his heart was telling him there was something wrong inside him. His sister had said the X-ray hadn’t shown anything, but she also hadn’t checked him for anything else. She’d been so sure that the problem was with his muscles and bones that she hadn’t used her Gift to see if something else was wrong. And didn’t cancer cause a lot of pain when the tumour grew really big, or something? _What if it’s cancer?_ Alex’s breathing sped up in time with his heart. 

He could feel the anxiety creeping under his skin, building in intensity until he felt like he’d burst. _I need to move,_ he thought. He drummed his fingers on his thighs, wishing he could just go freestyle on the drums; pound the shit out of the skins until he got the pounding of his heart under control.

The need to move grew until it was nearly overpowering. He eyed his crutches, wondering if he’d be okay if he just used them to pace around the studio. _What if I trip and it hurts?_ He thought. _What if I fall and no one comes to help?_

He drummed harder on his thighs, trying to distract his brain from the terrifying thoughts. It was getting hard to breathe. His lungs felt too small; his airway too narrow to get in any oxygen. _I’m dying,_ he realized with dawning horror. The pain in his leg had to be cancer, and it’d obviously already spread to his lungs. He couldn’t breathe because there were tumors choking him. 

He was going to die _again,_ only this time it would be permanent. Julie wouldn’t be able to save him. He’d never see her, or Alison or Priya or his niblings or the guys or Flynn or _Willie_ ever again. 

“Stop it,” he whispered. He was trembling, his breath barely dusting his lungs. Where were Reggie and the others? Why was it taking him so long to get them? 

Maybe something had happened to him. Maybe he’d tried to transport everyone at once and he’d gone out-of-phase again. Maybe everyone had gone into the future and Alex had been left in the studio, all alone. 

He hugged himself, trying to get a modicum of relief from the thoughts and the pain and the fear that was threatening to crush him. _Where the fuck were they?_

As if Alex had literally conjured him out of the air, Reggie reappeared. Flynn and Julie were with him. “Hey, Alex!” Reggie said, his face fell. “Alex?”

“My Gift told me something was wrong.” Flynn climbed on the bed and wrapped her arms around Alex. He held her desperately. “It’s okay, I got you. Julie. Zap him.” 

Julie did. Alex could feel the warmth of her Gift passing through him, and suddenly his breathing eased. He wiped his face, realizing he’d been crying. “God.” 

“What happened?” Julie asked him. “Are you in pain?”

“Yes,” Alex answered honestly. “But that wasn’t it.” 

“It was a panic attack,” Reggie said. “He gets them sometimes.” 

Alex could’ve kissed Reggie for how normal he made it sound. His panic attacks were yet another thing his parents had thought was defective about him. Luke and Reggie had never bugged him for it. 

“Like, when you first found out you were a ghost,” Julie said. She sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned her head on Alex’s shoulder. “I remember.” 

“That was pretty bad,” Alex said with a mirthless laugh. He remembered collapsing on the floor, feeling like his lungs were full of smoke. Willie had hugged him and everything had suddenly been okay. 

“This looked pretty bad, too,” Reggie said. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Julie’s zaps are great medicine.” 

“Glad I could help with that,” Julie said, “considering it hasn’t done anything for your foot.” 

“That’s so strange,” Flynn said. She sat down beside Alex on the bed, holding his hand. “Julie’s Gift can fix anything. Why not this?” 

“I think…” Alex cleared his throat. “I think it’s cancer?”

Julie, Flynn and Reggie all stared at him. “But wouldn’t Julie’s Gift fix that?” Reggie asked finally.

“No,” Julie answered. “My Gift only helped my mom’s cancer temporarily. I couldn’t fix it.” Her voice cracked.

Reggie’s eyes widened. “Do you need to go back to the hospital?” 

“It’s not cancer. My Gift would’ve gone off for sure.” Flynn said with authority. 

“And it hasn’t for me?” Alex said, almost too afraid to ask.

“No,” Flynn said, then bit her lip. “I don’t think so? It’s hard to tell, sometimes.”

“I’m taking you to the hospital.” Reggie made to grab Alex’s shoulder.

“No, wait,” Alex’s heart was pounding again. The idea of going back to the hospital, of finding out he had a terminal illness, was way more than he could handle. “Can’t I just ask my sister to check?”

“That’s a great idea!” Flynn said. “Her Gift will tell you it’s not cancer for sure!” 

Alex loved how optimistic Flynn was, even if it was misplaced. “I’ll text her. Maybe I can go over this weekend.” 

“That’s a great plan,” Julie said. “But it’s only Monday. Are you sure you want to wait that long?”

“It will give the crutches time to work, too,” Alex said. He didn’t think they were going to work, but at least it meant he could avoid getting told he was going to die for another week. 

“Jeez.” Reggie ran his hand through his hair. He looked at Alex, green eyes suspiciously shiny. “I’m going to get the guys.” He disappeared. 

“It’s not cancer,” Julie said, “because I can’t lose anyone I love to cancer again!” She threw her arms around Alex and hugged him fiercely. He hugged her back just as hard. 

“It’s not cancer,” Flynn repeated. “You’ve just hurt your leg. It’ll be better in a few days. I know it.” 

Alex nodded, wishing he could believe it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex asks the wrong question and Willie gets angry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided fuck it and imma post half of it today. Enjoy!
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they may be chapter spoilers.
> 
> [ Taste_is_Sweet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) is still the best beta ever.
> 
> * * *

“Are you _sure_ this is your correct transcript?”

Willie kept his gaze leveled on Ms. Lam’s, his smile easy and sincere. “Yes, definitely. Who’s else would it be?”

He’d ordered “William Ross’” transcript from the Los Angeles Unified School District and had them send a copy directly to Ms. Lam. He was now regretting that decision. She’d called him to the office because there was apparently some kind of problem with it, only he had no idea what it was. 

“The date of birth on the transcripts and date on our registration forms are different,” she said. 

“What? How did that happen?” Except he knew exactly how that had happened: He’d pulled a birthday completely out of thin air when Ray had had him and the other boys register for school. It was before he’d found William Ross’ gravestone. There was no way they matched. 

“I’m not sure,” Ms. Lam said, “but we’re not talking about one or two digits; the entire date is different. It makes me wonder if this might be the wrong transcript.” 

“What’s the date on the transcript?” Willie said, making sure his face showed nothing but interest and concern. Inside, his heart was pounding triple-time. He didn’t know what he’d do if Ms. Lam caught his lie. He didn’t know what _she’d_ do. Would he get expelled less than two weeks after he’d started? He wasn’t loving school, but he didn’t want to get kicked out. 

“February 14, 1974,” she said.

“That’s my birthdate,” Willie lied with a wide grin. “Why? What did I write on the registration form?”

“June 12, 1973.” 

Willie winced inwardly. He’d chosen that date in June because that was when he’d met Julie, the person he loved most in the world besides Alex. The 1973 was so he’d have been eighteen when he "disappeared" from 1991 and went into the future. It meant he’d be able to make his own decisions. He hadn’t thought at all about what taking on William Ross’ identity might do. 

“Wow, that’s really different,” Willie said, like he didn’t know.

“I’m aware. But what I don’t understand is why you wrote the wrong date on your own registration form?”

“Did I write that?” Willie used the same innocent expression that had saved him from Caleb’s wrath more than once. “I wonder what I was thinking?”

“That’s a great question,” Ms. Lam said. “I wonder, did you want the school to think you were already eighteen?”

That was surprisingly close to the truth and Willie seized on it. He looked down at the floor, like he was too ashamed to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry, Ms. Lam. I didn’t know I’d be able to find my transcript, and it already felt _really bad_ that I’d be taking classes with grade nine students. I just wanted to have some control, you know? I’m really sorry.” 

“I get that.” Ms. Lam’s tone had become sympathetic. “First, you’re blasted nearly thirty years into the future, and next you have to retake courses with younger kids you don’t even know. It makes sense you’d want to pretend to be older to have more control over your own life.” 

Willie looked at her through his lashes. “Thank you. For understanding.” 

“Hey, you and your friends have been through a lot. And I’d be a pretty poor guidance counsellor if I didn’t appreciate that.” 

“I think you’re a pretty good guidance counsellor,” Willie said honestly. He wished he didn’t have to lie to her, considering how kind she was being.

She beamed at him. “That you, Willie. And I’m going to change your official records to match your actual birthdate. That should prevent any confusion in the future.”

“And maybe move me out of grade nine math while you’re at it?” Willie said with a hopeful smile. It seemed like she’d bought his explanation and believed it was actually his transcript. He was in the clear. 

“I can do that." She nodded. "And I can also credit you with the majority of the classes you’ve already taken. But you still need to complete three grade eleven courses that are now prerequisites to graduate, as well as all of grade twelve.”

“I’m already enrolled in SAP,” Willie said, heart sinking. He’d hoped that he’d be closer to graduating than _that_.

“The intro to sociology, anthropology and psychology? Yes, that’s one of your missing courses. But you still need a senior art course and another English, as well as a full grade twelve year. I’m going to put you into all your missing grade eleven courses for this semester, which will give you a couple of spares, and we can start you in grade twelve after the holiday break.” 

“I still need to do all of grade twelve? Are you sure?” 

“Willie, your transcript clearly shows you went missing in December of 1991, before you’d completed even one semester of grade twelve." She grimaced sympathetically. "I can’t give you credit for something you haven’t completed.” 

_Fuck!_ Willie thought, hands balling into fists. He was already tired of high school. “I guess not,” he said instead. 

“I know it’s hard," Ms. Lam said with the same sympathy in her expression. "Everything must feel so overwhelming right now. But high school is the right place for you. You’ll be able to learn about all the changes in the last thirty years as well as make new friends. It won’t be so bad. I promise.” 

“You’re probably right,” Willie said, flashing her another fake smile. “Should I pick up my new class calendar tomorrow?”

“I’ll have it ready for you first thing.” She smiled. 

“Thank you,” Willie said. He gave her one more broad smile and left. Regardless of having so much school left to finish, he still felt like he’d dodged a bullet. Like when he’d escaped another one of Caleb’s tantrums mostly unscathed. He couldn’t believe Ms. Lam had bought his lies so readily. He wasn’t sure if he should be happy or sad about how good he was at it. 

Had he always been that good a liar? He wondered as he made his way back to his locker. Had his time with Caleb changed him from before, or was he always someone who lied? He wanted to believe he wasn’t, but maybe he was only lying to himself. 

He reached his locker and opened it, smiling briefly at the picture of him and Alex Julie had taken with her Instax camera. He wished he could’ve ridden the bus home with Alex. Seeing his boyfriend in school was the only thing he had to look forward to. 

Reggie suddenly appeared beside him, flashing gold. 

Willie let out an undignified shriek. “Reggie! _What the hell?_ ”

“I was hoping you’d be done. Alex had a panic attack,” Reggie said by way of explanation. 

“Is he okay?” Willie slammed his locker shut; books forgotten. “Let’s go.” 

“He’s okay,” Reggie said immediately. “Luke, Julie and Flynn are with him. But he’d probably do even better with you.” 

“What happened?” 

“His foot started hurting again. Really badly. He’s convinced he has cancer.” 

“Cancer?” Willie asked, incredulous. “He doesn’t have cancer!”

“You should tell him that,” Reggie said, and they teleported away.

* * *

Willie and Reggie appeared back in the studio just moments after Reggie had left. 

Alex was so happy to see him that he nearly burst into tears. The combination of the pain in his leg and the shaky vulnerability left over from his panic attack had drained all his reserves. 

Of course, Willie noticed. He dropped his messenger bag, kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the sofa bed beside Alex. Alex curled into him, tucking his face against Willie’s neck, and completely ignoring the four other people in the room. 

Julie, Luke and Flynn had been keeping him company while Reggie had teleported back to the school to get Willie. They’d been really good at keeping the conversation light and funny. Flynn had shown Alex her favourite TikTok videos, which had actually made him laugh, while Luke had kept him distracted by getting his help with math homework. Julie had brought snacks from the kitchen and her portable speaker, and it had almost felt like a party. 

Except for the fact Alex’s leg was _throbbing,_ and he couldn’t lose the horrible feeling he was going to die. 

“I think this is our cue to leave,” Julie said to no one in particular. 

“Good idea. They’re probably going to kiss,” Reggie said in a whisper that everyone could hear, which made Alex chuckle. 

“We’ll text you when dinner’s ready,” Luke said, and then Alex heard the door open and close and they were alone.

“I heard you had a rough afternoon,” Willie said, breath soft against Alex’s ear. 

Alex nodded, unsure if he could trust his voice. He felt so _safe_ with Willie, it made it harder to keep from crying. 

“You don’t have cancer,” Willie said. 

Alex desperately wanted to believe him. “How do you know?” he mumbled against his neck.

“Because Ray said the doctor didn’t see anything on the X-ray. There’s no way you could be in this much pain and not have a tumour big enough for them to see.” 

That…actually made a lot of sense. Alex sat up. “How do you know that?” 

“Because I’ve been hanging out with ghosts for the last thirty years. And trust me when I tell you they _really_ like to talk about how they died. Cancer came up a lot.” 

“So, it’s not cancer?”

“Nope,” Willie said. “It’s probably some hairline fracture that the X-ray didn’t catch. If it’s not feeling better in a few days, we should take you to get it checked again.” 

Relief flooded through Alex, equally as intense as the fear he’d felt before. “You sound like a doctor.”

Willie shrugged. “You ghost as long as I have, you pick up some things.” 

Alex kissed him, so happy he wasn’t dying and he’d have more time with Willie. He’d been so scared.

Willie kissed him back with equal fervour, pressing him against the back of the couch and holding onto his face with his hands. Willie’s mouth was insistent, almost greedy. Like there was a small part of him that’d been as afraid as Alex had been.

Alex slid his hands under Willie’s shirt, feeling Willie’s abs tense beneath his palms. He stroked upwards, brushing over Willie’s chest and smiling against his mouth when he felt him shiver from the touch. 

“You’d better stop that or I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Willie said, before kissing him again. 

“We’ve never had sex on an actual bed before,” Alex said in response. “And now that Reggie and Luke are using the loft…” 

“You make an excellent point,” Willie said between kisses. “But you know the second I get you naked Luke’s going to send you a text.” 

“You’re probably right,” Alex sighed. He loved living with the Molina’s, but the lack of privacy was definitely not a perk. Maybe he could ask Luke and Reggie to do their homework in the house? 

Willie kissed him again, then sat up, stroking the hair back from Alex’s face. “You’re so blond.” 

Alex smirked. “And you’re so brunet.” 

“I like it. You’re like Wesley, the Farm Boy from _The Princess Bride._ ” 

That made Alex laugh. “You think I look like him?”

“Yes, but you’re cuter,” Willie said and kissed him again. It immediately got heated, but this time Alex was painfully aware Luke really could text at any moment. Ray was pretty cool, but he wouldn’t be happy if they missed dinner because they’d been making out. 

Reluctantly, he separated his mouth from Willie’s. 

“Was that your favourite movie, as a kid?” Alex asked.

“What movie?” Willie kissed him again. 

“ _Princess Bride_ ,” Alex said in between kisses.

“I saw it at Caleb’s club. There were movie nights once a month.” 

That made Alex curious. “You didn’t see it as a kid?” 

Willie stilled. When he smiled it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Can’t say that I did.”

“It came out when I was nine. You would’ve been thirteen, I guess? I thought everyone saw it.” 

“Well, you thought wrong,” Willie said. 

Alex shifted nervously, unsure why Willie had gotten so tense. “Okay. You didn’t see _Princess Bride_. What was your favourite movie as a kid?” 

“What do you mean?” Willie asked. 

“You know, the movie that you saw first when you were really young? And you still love it? Even though you saw it when you were like, five or something?” Alex said. He bit his lip. 

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Willie said. His expression was still a little off, somehow, in a way Alex couldn’t really put his finger on. “What’s yours?”

“I asked you first.” 

“I asked you now,” Willie said, and was there bite in his tone? 

“Okay, I can go first,” Alex said slowly. He didn’t know where Willie’s reaction was coming from, but it was making him feel anxious again. “ _The NeverEnding Story_.” 

“ _NeverEnding Story_?” Willie moved so he could face Alex and lean against the back of the couch, legs curled underneath him. “What was that about?”

“It came out in 1984. Didn’t you see it?” Alex asked. He’d thought every kid in the world had seen that movie. 

“I didn’t see a lot of movies as a kid,” Willie said easily. “Tell me about it?”

“It’s about a boy named Bastien,” Alex said, warming to the topic, “who steals this book from a bookstore, but as he reads it, he realizes that he’s actually the hero? He’s on a quest to save a princess who’s suffering from an illness, and while she’s sick, the whole world is being destroyed by The Nothing, which is, like, a lack of imagination? Anyway, the whole movie is this huge adventure story, and I loved it.”

“Sounds like.” Willie smiled at him. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because I was only six when it came out, and it was the first movie my dad ever took me to go see? I was just blown away with how _big_ it was! And the hero, who’s called Atreyu, is just, like, _summoned_ by the princess to save everyone. And it just really appealed to me. The idea that other people could see how great you could be. Even if you couldn’t.” He blushed as he finished speaking. There was no way Willie could’ve missed what he’d just said.

Of course he didn’t. “I remember you telling me how you were always compared to your sister.” 

“Yeah. She definitely was the golden child.” He laughed, but he knew there was no humour to it.

“Your parents must’ve lost their shit when she told them she was gay.” 

That did make Alex smirk. They’d actually kicked him out for being gay when his sister had been a closeted lesbian all along. “I wish I could’ve been there for that.”

“You know you’re awesome, right? No matter what your parents thought.” Willie took his hand.

“Yeah, I know,” Alex said, “it’s just hard, sometimes. Because they weren’t wrong. I mean, Alison’s a _doctor,_ and she married a film producer! And she’s got two great kids. She definitely succeeded.” 

“She’s also had twenty-five more years of life. Maybe don’t compare yourself to her until you’re in your forties, too?”

“I don’t even know if my parents are still alive,” Alex said softly. “I mean, they got married young, so they probably are. I haven’t asked Alison about them, and she hasn’t said.” 

“Do you actually want to know?”

“Kind of? But kind of not, you know? I mean, what if they haven’t changed?” Alex dropped his eyes.

“It’d be a tough decision, for sure,” Willie said.

“They were real homophobic assholes who cared more about their church friends than their son. That doesn’t really give me a lot of reasons to want to go see them.” 

“No, it wouldn’t.” Willie’s expression was far too sympathetic, and Alex was immediately and perilously close to tears. He wanted to just hate his parents and forget they ever existed, but he also still loved them and missed them terribly. It was really unfair. 

“What about you?” Alex asked, desperate to shift the focus from him and his shitty parents. “Would you like to see your parents now, if you could?”

Willie’s expression shuttered. “I really don’t want to talk about them.” 

That was definitely a sore spot. Alex suddenly realized that he’d never heard Willie mention his parents, or if he had siblings, or really anything about his family at all. He licked his lips, unsure if he should apologize or not. “So, tell me about your favourite movie,” he said instead, trying to lighten the tension that had sprung up between them. 

“Why are you so curious about my past?” Willie frowned. 

“Because I am?” Alex said, “I’m curious about everything about you.” 

“Well, don’t be,” Willie said, “because it’s none of your business.” 

“Wait, what?” Alex’s head bobbed back. “You’re my boyfriend!”

“And that means you gotta know everything about me?”

That took Alex aback. He hadn’t been in a relationship before, but wasn’t knowing about the person kind of expected? “I’ve told you about my parents.” 

“Yes, and? Do you want a doggie biscuit for sharing with the class?” 

That really hurt. Alex drew back from Willie as far as his outstretched leg would let him. He didn’t understand what happened or why Willie was so upset. “I just wanted to know about your favourite movie.” 

“ _Star Wars_ ,” Willie said sharply. “Happy?” 

“That’s Reggie’s favourite, too,” Alex said as an olive branch, keeping his own temper in check. He knew if he got angry, they’d be fighting. He didn’t want that. 

“It came out in '77. He wasn’t even born yet,” Willie said, but his tone was more curious than angry. Alex mentally sighed in relief. 

“We saw it on VHS when we were six. Luke’s parents rented it with Empire Strikes Back from Blockbuster,” Alex explained. He remembered that night. It was October of grade one, the year he, Luke, Reggie and Bobby had all met. It’d been the first sleepover he’d ever been to. Bobby had cried because he’d been homesick, but Luke had sung him a lullaby and he’d fallen right to sleep. Reggie had cried the next morning when he’d had to go home.

“Sounds like fun,” Willie said. 

“It was.” Alex was happy that Willie seemed less angry, but he wasn’t sure if they were back on neutral territory. He still wasn’t sure why asking Willie about his past was so wrong. 

“We should do that again. Borrow Julie’s laptop and watch _Star Wars_ and eat popcorn.” Willie was smiling again, the corners of his eyes creasing. 

“We should.” Alex reached out and hooked his pinkie around Willie’s. Willie turned his hand and linked their fingers together and something inside Alex uncoiled. 

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” Willie said.

“I’m sorry I asked you about your past,” Alex said. He wasn’t sure that was actually something he should apologize for, but maybe this was normal for certain couples? It wasn't as if he and his parents ever _talked_ about this stuff. They’d have been horrified if he’d asked them anything, especially if it concerned dating a man. _Maybe I should ask Alison,_ Alex thought. She was married, after all. She had to know a lot more than he did. 

“You don’t need to apologize. It’s not like I ever told you not to,” Willie said.

 _Is there more I shouldn’t ask you about?_ Alex thought. This was definitely something they needed to discuss, but he knew now wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t sure if Willie would get upset again, and the pain in his leg made him feel too fragile. The talk could wait.

“I love you,” he said instead, because it was true. 

“I love you, too, Sparky.” Willie grinned. 

“Sparky?” Alex’s lips curled up. “What’s that for?”

“Sparks. You know, from the Orpheum fire?”

“Really? The _best_ cute nickname you could think of is from when I almost _died?_ ” Alex rolled his eyes.

Willie’s grin turned wicked. “You love it.” 

“Yeah,” Alex said, feeling something settle inside him. “I do.” 

Willie leaned over and kissed him, fiercely and tenderly all at once and Alex’s heart soared. This was good. This was _better_ than good. Willie was with him and he wasn’t angry anymore. 

_I don’t care about his past,_ Alex decided. Not when they had their future.

* * *

Willie was a terrible person. 

He lay on the pull-out couch, the back of his wrist resting on his forehead, listening to Alex’s soft breathing. 

He’d _yelled_ at Alex, yelled at him just because he’d been curious about Willie’s past. _I’m curious about everything about you,_ Alex had said. It was totally sweet and really loving, and Willie had rewarded his boyfriend for it by making him feel like shit. 

_I feel like shit,_ Willie thought. He only knew _Star Wars_ and _The Princess Bride_ because they were two of the movies that Caleb played at the club, along with _Titanic_ and _Grease_ , and several others that were considered "classics", and therefore appealed to the wide variety of clientele that the club attracted, both living and dead. 

He’d never thought about how Alex would expect him to have seen them when they first came out. He kept forgetting that Alex was born in 1978, only three or four years after Willie. They could’ve even gone to the same schools at the same time. 

Willie turned his head to look at Alex as he slept. _Did you know me?_ he asked silently, eyes moving over Alex’s slack features. Despite how handsome he was, Willie knew if they’d met before he died, he still wouldn’t remember him. 

He looked away to stare at the ceiling. This late at night, the suspended chairs were unrecognizable lumps, like giant monsters staring down.

 _Why can’t I remember?_ He'd told Alex he’d died by being hit by a car, but he’d made it up. His helmet had a crack in it, so death-by-car made a brutal kind of sense. But he really didn’t know for sure. For all he knew, he’d been pushed off the Shakespeare Bridge and he’d landed head-first.

Or he’d jumped.

Willie squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the burn of tears. His past was an empty space and he had no idea why. Had he done it on purpose? Somehow chosen to lock his memories away so he’d never have to think of them again? 

Maybe he _had_ lost all hope and jumped off that bridge. Maybe his life before had been that awful. 

_Is that it?_ He searched his memories, but there was nothing there. Nothing at all that could tell him if he’d lived through horrors that were actually unsurvivable. 

He shuddered, thinking about what might have happened to make remembering so much worse than forgetting. He thought of the huge crack in his helmet and what might have caused it. 

He really wasn’t sure he wanted to remember. 

He looked over at Alex again. The muscles around Alex’s eyes were tight; the crease between his eyes was visible even in the low light. Even asleep, it was obvious he was still in pain. 

Willie’s mouth twisted as he watched Alex’s chest rise and fall. He hated that he was hurting so badly. Nothing seemed to really help, either. _It’s not cancer,_ Willie told himself. The thought didn’t make him feel any better. 

_I’ll get Julie to help him in the morning,_ Willie decided. Julie had zapped Alex’s leg several times without a lasting effect, but she hadn’t used as much power as she did the first time the boys appeared in the studio. Maybe she just needed to amp up the voltage. It couldn’t hurt. 

_I don’t want you to hurt,_ Willie thought. He didn’t want Alex to be in any pain, not physically, and certainly not because he’d caused it. It was just so hard to not get angry when Alex asked about his past. He just didn’t know what to say.

 _You could tell him the truth._ Willie frowned even before he’d finished the thought. Alex had already been through enough. He didn’t need to add a defective boyfriend on top of it. He was the strong one in the relationship; the one who took care of Alex when he was anxious or panicking. The one who carried his backpack and kept him safe at school. Willie took care of Alex, not the other way around. Alex needed to have a reason to be in love with Willie. There was no way Willie would jeopardize that. 

_We just won’t talk about the past,_ Willie thought. Not talking about the past would fix everything. 

He shut his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willie makes a tactical mistake and Alex is angry about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they may be chapter spoilers.
> 
> Go check out [ Taste_is_Sweet's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) great JatP soulmark fic! She's an even better writer than a beta :).
> 
> * * *

“A big zap? Like what I did when the guys first appeared?”

“Yeah.” Willie nodded at Julie. “Exactly like that.” 

“Do you think it will work?” Luke asked, concerned. “Because if I remember right, she _fainted_ right after she did it.” 

“It was my first time using my Gift like that,” Julie said. “And I had a big breakfast this morning. I’ll be fine.” 

Alex watched as his friends discussed whether or not Julie should try zapping his leg again. They’d been eating breakfast together in the Molina household. Ray had already left for work, which was probably why Willie had brought it up. Ray wasn’t too keen on his daughter putting himself at risk. 

Although, Julie had eaten a good breakfast, because Willie had gotten up early and made everyone scrambled eggs with cheese and sliced fruit. Alex had panicked a little bit when he’d woken up and Willie wasn’t there, sure that yesterday’s fight had ended their relationship. But then he’d read the text Willie sent with all the heart emojis and he’d felt a lot better. 

“Julie healed a huge scrape on my knee,” Carlos said from his seat at the table. “She can totally do this.” 

“It hasn’t really worked before,” Julie said wryly, “but I’m game. Alex?”

Alex looked at his left leg stretched out in front of him, his ankle resting on Reggie’s lap. He’d been in nearly constant pain since Reggie had bumped him yesterday. The idea of having even a small rest sounded heavenly. “As long as you’ll be okay.” 

“Can you eat a couple of glucose tablets first?” Luke said, his eyes wide with concern. “You know, just in case?”

“Wash them down with some juice,” Reggie added. “The extra sugar couldn’t hurt.” 

Julie rolled her eyes. “Say the two Gifted boys who never eat enough.” 

“Hey, I eat enough!” Luke pouted and then shovelled in a big bite of his scrambled eggs. “There’s only cheese in this, right?” he said, mouth full.

“Yes, Luke, just cheese,” Willie sighed and he and Alex shared a knowing glance. Luke’s pickiness with food was legendary. 

“I’m eating the tablets, see?” Julie made a big show of putting two tablets in her mouth, chewing and then swallowing them down with a swig of Luke’s juice. She made a face.

“It’s apple juice,” Luke said. “You don’t like it.”

“You could’ve told me before.” Julie smacked him lightly on the shoulder, making him smirk. His shoulders were bare, again. It was like he was physically incapable of wearing sleeves. Julie turned to Alex and cracked her knuckles. “You ready, Mercer?”

“I was born ready,” Alex joked weakly. He wasn’t in a great mood, having slept badly because of the pain. 

“Can I watch?” Carlos leaned forward in his chair.

“Wait, should we leave?” Reggie asked. “The last time Julie hit us with this much of her Lifeforce, she brought us back from the dead!”

“We weren’t really dead,” Alex reminded him. 

“I’m staying.” Luke’s jaw was thrust out. Alex knew he wouldn’t leave Julie even if there was a risk.

“Julie’s Lifeforce heals, it doesn’t hurt,” Willie reminded them. “You’ll be fine.” 

Everyone settled and Julie moved so that she was by Alex’s outstretched leg. She put one hand on his ankle and one on his knee and started to glow. Softly at first, and then brighter and brighter until Alex had to squint and look away. There was a blinding _flash_ and then—nothing. 

“How’s that feel?” Julie asked. 

“That was _so cool!_ ” Carlos shouted.

“Did it work?” Willie asked. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Reggie said. 

“Because Julie’s Gift is harmless, dumbass!” Luke scowled at Reggie.

“You don’t gotta be so mean,” Reggie mumbled. 

Gingerly, Alex rotated his ankle, then flexed his foot. There was no answering spike of agony. There was no pain in Alex’s leg at all. He felt fine; better than fine. He gazed at her in wonder. 

“Don’t get too excited. It probably won’t last.” She ruffled his hair. 

“It feels amazing!’ Alex enthused. He went to stand.

“Whoa, buddy, you still need your crutches.” Reggie reached behind him and grabbed them from where they were leaning against the counter. 

Reluctantly, Alex used them to stand up. They were surprisingly cumbersome, and they got really heavy by the end of the day. Carefully, he put some weight on his left foot. It didn’t hurt at all. 

“Are you okay?” Willie’s eyes were on him, clearly searching for any sign of discomfort.

“Yeah,” Alex said, and then: “Yeah! Julie, you fixed it!” 

Willie pulled him into his arms, the crutches falling. Reggie caught one but the other tumbled to the floor. 

“I still think you’re going to need these,” Reggie said. “Your leg still needs time to heal.” 

Alex knew Reggie was right, but he was too busy holding on to Willie, relishing how _good_ it felt to be out of pain. He’d actually forgotten how incredible normal felt. 

“I’m really glad that worked, but unless Reggie’s going to teleport us all, we need to get going. You, too, Carlos,” Julie said.

Carlos and Luke made exactly the same face. “Can’t we skip today?” Carlos asked.

“No.” Julie scowled at him. “Get your things. Tia is going to be here any minute and we have to leave for the bus.” 

“Fine.” Carlos rolled his eyes. He slid off his chair and went to the front door. 

Reggie had grabbed everyone’s dishes and piled them by the sink. “We’ll have to do these later.” 

“I could stay and do them,” Luke offered with a casual shrug. Julie just looked at him. “Fine,” he said in the same tone as Carlos. 

“I’m going to meet Flynn!” Reggie said as he slipped on his boots. Two seconds later his golden light flashed and he was gone. 

“I hate his Gift,” Willie muttered. He kissed Alex softly and then bent to grab the crutch that fell on the floor. “I think Reggie’s right. You should probably still use these.” 

“I know,” Alex sighed. He batted his eyelashes. “Carry my bag for me?”

Willie laughed. “It’d be my pleasure.” 

“Yes, I’ll carry your bag, too,” Luke said to Julie. 

“I wasn’t going to ask,” Julie said. Her expression said she knew she didn’t need to. 

Alex laughed, feeling lighter and happier than he had in days. Putting on his shoes didn’t cause him any pain. He was actually looking forward to their walk to the bus stop.

Willie held the door for him, the strap of Alex’s backpack slung over one shoulder and the strap of his messenger bag diagonal across his body. It looked a bit awkward and kind of cute and Alex was so in love with him it hurt. “I wish I could hold your hand.” 

“Let your leg heal properly, and I’ll let you hold whatever you want.” Willie waggled his eyebrows at him. 

Alex laughed out loud.

* * *

Alex made a surprised face at his niece, making her laugh. 

He rocked her back in his arms and then brought her forward, making the surprised face again. She chortled and waved her pudgy hands before sticking her fist in her mouth. 

“She’s hungry,” Priya said with authority. She scooped Naitee out of his arms and sat on the couch, immediately popping the baby onto her breast. 

Alex looked away, feeling awkward. He knew breasts weren’t inherently sexual, and he was _gay_ , but he was also a seventeen-year-old boy and he was _not_ used to women being bare breasted in front of him. 

Alison came back into the living room and sat down beside Priya on the couch, giving her a chaste kiss. “I finally got Xander down for bed.” 

“God, he’s such a beast when he’s overtired.” Priya shook her head. “Your fault,” she said to Alex with what he hoped was a teasing smile. “You’re a terrible influence.” 

Alex gave her a lopsided grin, wondering if she was actually mad he’d been playing with Xander before. His nephew had really seemed to enjoy it. “Sorry?”

“Don’t apologize!” Alison said. “Priya’s just teasing.” 

“I’m totally teasing! It’s great that you wore him out. He might sleep all the way through the night.”

“Oh. You’re welcome? I guess?” Alex said, gaze completely and utterly on Priya’s eyes. It was really hard to know where to look. 

Alison had picked him up after school on Friday for their weekly dinner date. The day changed week-by-week based on Alison’s schedule, but it was always a night Alex looked forward to, even if he was still a bit intimidated by Priya, Alison’s formidable wife. But he could see how happy the two of them were together, and how Priya’s serious nature complimented Alison’s lighter personality. 

It was strange, seeing Alison like this. He remembered her as being the serious one. The sibling who was really focused on her studies and church. He remembered always feeling so privileged when he’d been able to surprise a real laugh out of her. They hadn’t been close when he was young, but he had really wanted to be. He was enjoying seeing her now: living her truth and letting her real personality shine. It was almost worth ending up twenty-five years in the future for them to be friends. 

He was sure he’d feel more comfortable in Priya’s presence. Eventually.

“I saw Willie today,” Alison said to Priya, like she was sharing a big secret.

“Oh?” One of Priya’s perfect eyebrows went up. “And?”

“He’s so cute!” Alison practically squealed like she was fifteen instead of forty-five. “He’s got this gorgeous long hair, and really sharp cheekbones, and he looks like he’s pretty fit. I totally get why Alex is smitten.” 

“Alison!” Alex moaned, his face heating. “You already met him at the hospital!” 

“I know, but it’s not the same,” Alison said. “I told you that.” 

“He sounds really attractive.” Priya’s lips curved up. “Is he tall?”

“No. But neither is Alex, so that’s fine,” Alison said. 

“I’m taller than you,” Alex said. 

“Your sister is barely five-three,” Priya said. “Being taller than her is not an accomplishment.” 

Alison laughed. 

“You need to bring Willie with you next time you come for dinner,” Alison said. Naitee had fallen asleep and Alison took her from Priya, who fixed her bra and lowered her shirt. Alex mentally patted himself on the back for getting through it all. 

“I’ll ask him,” Alex said. He wasn’t sure he was ready to bring Willie over to meet Alison and Priya. He was sure about Willie, but introducing him to his family seemed like a really big step. He knew that Alison and Willie had technically already met, as he kept saying, but he also kind of agreed with Alison that it wasn’t the same. Meeting someone after they’d been brought into hospital unconscious wasn’t really seeing their best side. 

“Excellent!” Alison beamed at him. 

“If he comes, I promise I’ll keep her under control,” Priya said. “No more than three really embarrassing questions.” 

“Priya!” Alison said, pretending to be scandalized. “You know I’d never ask more than two!” 

Alex had to laugh at that. “Keep it at one, and it’s a deal.” 

“Sold.” Alison grinned at him. 

Priya checked her phone. “If you’re going to examine his leg, you should do it now. Our food will be here in a few minutes.” She held out her hands and Alison gently handed Naitee back. The baby was still sleeping like she’d invented it. 

“It’ll be so nice to eat sushi with both kids asleep.” Alison moved to sit beside Alex on the loveseat. “Leg, please.” Dutifully Alex lifted his left leg and put his calf on her lap. She put her hands around his ankle. “You said the pain was all the way up to your knee?”

“Yeah. But it hasn’t been bad for the last couple of days. Julie zapped it really hard.” 

“But it’s still hurting?”

“It was fine all-day Tuesday and most of Wednesday, even after I went for a run? But it started hurting again a bit after band practise Thursday night, and it’s been sore today.” It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been, but the joy of being totally pain free was gone. 

“You went for a run _and_ played drums with it?” Alison _tsked_ him. “That’s not going to help it heal.” 

“I thought it was fine,” Alex mumbled. It was the same thing that both Willie and Reggie had said when they found out he’d gone for a run. Luke had just been ecstatic he’d been able to play the hi hats during practise again. He’d probably overdone it, but he’d really missed running and playing with the band.

“Hold still.” Alex felt the comforting warmth flow through him that signaled Alison using her Gift. It felt like taking a hot bath, but on the inside. He wished using his own Gift felt like that. 

She frowned. “Huh.”

Alex’s heartrate immediately sped up. “What’s wrong? Is it cancer?”

“It’s not cancer.” She looked puzzled. “Why would you think that?”

“No reason,” Alex muttered. “But, what’s wrong?”

“It’s…” Her frown deepened. “It feels like something’s leaking. I can’t really explain it.” 

“Leaking?” Alex said, just as Priya said: “That sounds gross.” 

“I think it’s time for a CAT scan and a specialist,” Alison said. “Because I don’t know what’s going on, but there’s definitely something there.” She stood up and dusted off her hands.

“So, the pain’s going to come back?” Alex said, voice small. He couldn’t imagine having to deal with how painful it was again. He thought back to Monday when Reggie had accidentally bumped him and he shuddered. 

“Hopefully not as bad. You should be okay as long as you stay off it,” Alison said. “So, no foot drumming, or running. Or walking without your crutches.” 

“For fuck sakes!” Alex threw his head back and then sat up, eyes wide. “Did I wake her?”

“Not yet, but if you do, I will kill you with my bare hands,” Priya said, and she really didn’t sound like she was joking. He looked at Alison, eyes still wide. 

“She’s joking,” Alison reassured him. “But I meant what I said about not overusing your leg.” 

“I know,” Alex sighed. “It’s just…” 

“Those are all the things that you enjoy?” Alison said sympathetically, “I get that. And one of the worst parts of my jobs is having to tell people how they have to change their lives in order to recover. But if you keep using your leg—”

“—It’s not going to stop ‘leaking',” Alex said, using air quotes around the word. “I get it.” 

“Excellent,” Alison said again. The doorbell rang. “And there’s our food with perfect timing.” She stood up to go get it. 

Alex scraped his hand through his hair and blew out a breath. He wasn’t sure why he was feeling so upset. He’d already figured something was still wrong when his leg had started hurting again. But for some reason, hearing her say it out loud made it _real,_ in a way he just didn’t want to deal with. He hoped he could get to see a specialist soon. 

“Your sister knows a lot of really good doctors,” Priya said. “We’ll get your leg fixed in no time.” 

Alex attempted a smile. “It’s just hard, you know?” 

“Try being pregnant for nine months,” she said wryly. But then: “Yeah, I know. Chronic pain sucks.” 

The simple truth of what she said hit Alex like a punch to the gut. Chronic pain _did_ suck. And what if it never got better? He ran his hands through his hair again, tugging lightly to ground himself against the anxiety he could feel building. _I wish Willie were here,_ Alex thought. Willie always knew what to say to help him calm down. 

“Dinner,” Alison called from the small dining room. 

“I’m just going to put the baby into her crib.” Priya left with Naitee in her arms. 

“Coming,” Alex said as he stood. He was careful to use his crutches.

* * *

Willie made brunch for everyone Saturday morning. 

He really liked cooking, he realized. Making nutritious food for the people he loved felt really good. He enjoyed experimenting with new spices and new flavours, and figuring out things that didn’t come out of a package that Luke would actually eat. It constantly amazed him how fit Luke was, considering. 

“This is so good!” Carlos took another huge bite of his pancake. 

Willie had made banana pancakes with sausage and scrambled eggs with cheese again, because Luke had eaten it last time. He’d also made a fruit salad, but had put several pieces on a plate for Luke, grouped together by type and not touching. Apparently, Luke didn’t like it when his food touched. 

Luke had eaten at least three pieces of fruit, which Willie totally took as a win.

“I’m glad you like it, buddy.” Willie grinned at Carlos. 

“Oh yeah.” Carlos nodded happily. “These taste way better than the ones dad makes.” 

“It’s because he uses a mix. He never really learned how to cook,” Julie said in a stage whisper, which made everyone laugh.

“I haven’t seen you starving, mija,” Ray said with a mock scowl. “And hey, you are welcome to cook any time you want.” 

“This food really is good,” Reggie said as he scooped himself some more eggs. “We only ever had cereal at home.”

Alex made a face. “Cereal. Ew.” 

“You don’t like cereal?” Julie looked at him. “Who doesn’t like cereal?”

“It’s wet, and cold and soggy and just, ew.” Alex shuddered theatrically. “I don’t know how anyone can eat it.” 

“I like cereal,” Luke said. “But dry. As a snack.” 

“Let me guess. The kind with marshmallows in it?” Willie smirked at him.

“Yup.” Luke smiled and popped an entire blueberry in his mouth. Willie nearly cheered. 

“I like cereal with milk,” Carlos said. “But dad only buys the healthy stuff.” 

“How else are you going to grow big and strong, mijo?” Ray asked.

“Luke’s big and strong,” Carlos said and Luke beamed at him. 

“Luke’s going to die of scurvy,” Reggie said. 

“Hey! I’m eating fruit!” Luke ate another blueberry to illustrate. 

“You’re a real hero,” Alex said to him, deadpan. Luke scowled and Julie laughed before leaning in to kiss his cheek, which made him smile. She fed him a strawberry and he ate it off her fork.

“Ugh. Get a room.” Carlos rolled his eyes. 

“What? I don’t want him to die of scurvy,” Julie said, which made everyone laugh again. 

Willie chuckled as he added more fruit to his own plate. Alex’s left leg was resting on his lap, and he rubbed his boyfriend’s knee. Alex’s leg had started hurting again. He’d said his sister was going to arrange for him to see a specialist, but Willie couldn’t help but be worried. He wished he knew what was wrong and what he could do to fix it. 

Alex caught his eye and smiled that perfect, sexy, shy smile of his, and Willie melted. He smirked back and bit his lip in the way that he knew Alex loved. _Maybe I could get Reggie and Luke to give us an hour?_ Willie thought. It’d be nice to have some quality time with his boyfriend.

“How about you, Willie?” Ray asked conversationally, “where do you land in the great cereal debate?”

Willie’s hand stilled on Alex’s knee. Cereal wasn’t on the menu at the Hollywood Ghost Club, and naturally he had no idea what he’d thought about it before he died. He’d eaten some of the healthy stuff that Ray had bought, but it wasn’t his first choice. “It’s not really my favourite,” he said finally. He took a healthy bite of sausage to prevent any more questions. 

“This is nice, eating together as a family,” Reggie said. His mouth thinned, probably because it made him think of his parents. Ray patted his shoulder, but didn’t comment. 

“We do this all the time,” Carlos said, as if anyone didn’t know it by now. “Breakfast, dinner…” he looked at Luke, who was clearly his favourite of the boys. “What about you, Luke? Did you have breakfast like this?”

Luke looked up sharply. He swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah, we did. When I was younger.” Julie leaned against his shoulder, sensing his distress. 

Carlos didn’t notice Luke’s discomfort, or recognize that none of them really liked talking about their families. “What about you, Alex?” he asked. 

Ray raised his eyebrows. “Anyone want to change topics?”

“I don’t mind answering,” Alex said with a smile at Carlos. “We usually had brunch in a restaurant after church. It was actually pretty nice.”

“Don’t ask me,” Reggie said quickly when Carlos’ eyes fell on him. “I’m taking Ray’s offer to change topics. My family never did anything fun.”

 _Shit._ Willie knew what was coming. “Did you have brunch with your family?” Carlos asked him, totally innocent to the turmoil his simple question had caused. 

Willie felt Alex tense. He knew his boyfriend was thinking about the argument they’d had, where Willie had specifically told him that his past was none of Alex’s business. But Willie didn’t want to say that to Carlos. He knew he could take Ray’s offer to change topics, but what if Ray wanted to talk to him about it later? Ray was constantly asking them how they were doing. If Willie didn’t answer there’d be no way Ray would let it go. He was too good a dad to just ignore it. Willie sighed inwardly. He really had no choice.

“Yeah, we did,” Willie said with an easy smile. “My mom was a big fan of breakfast, and at least one day every weekend we had a big meal, like this. Usually pancakes, but we made waffles too. The pancakes you’re eating are her recipe.” He’d actually looked up the recipe on his phone before he’d made it, but Carlos didn’t need to know that. 

“Huh. Your mom’s a good cook,” Carlos said, and that was that. 

The conversation shifted as everyone continued eating. Willie ate another couple of bites just to look normal, but he was no longer hungry. Lying to Carlos felt horribly wrong. Even worse than lying to Alex. At least when he lied to Alex, there was a _purpose._ He was protecting him from having to deal with his shit. But Carlos was just a kid wondering about brunch. It made him feel a little sick. 

The look of raw hurt and anger Alex was giving him made him feel absolutely nauseous. “Alex?”

“My leg’s hurting,” Alex said, “Willie, can you help me back to the studio?” The dark look he gave him brooked no argument. 

“Sure,” Willie said brightly. “Ray, is it okay if we go?”

“Do you want some ice? Or some pain medication?” Ray asked Alex, eyebrows drawn.

“No, I’m fine. I just need to stretch it out,” Alex said. He was already standing, crutches under his arm. He looked hard at Reggie and Luke, clearly communicating something with his eyes. “I’ll see you guys later?”

Luke gave Reggie a speaking look. “Sure.” 

“Yeah, no problem. We’ll be here. Like, in the house. Definitely not out in the studio,” Reggie said, subtle as a chainsaw.

“Thanks,” Alex said. He crutched to the door and slipped his shoes on. He let Willie hold the door open for him, but the total lack of eye contact definitely let Willie know that something bad was brewing. 

Alex didn’t say anything until they were in the studio and the doors were firmly shut. “I wanted some private time with you today.” Willie grinned, hoping that Alex would fall for his charm and let go of whatever it was bothering him.

It didn’t work. “What the _fuck_ was that?”

“What was what?” Willie said, trying to buy himself time. 

That didn’t work, either. “You know what!” Alex spat. “You told Carlos about having breakfast with your family!” 

Willie’s mouth curved up in an awkward smile, heart sinking. He had no idea how he was going to explain it. “How is that a problem?” 

“Because you told me your past was none of my business. You told me not to ask you about it! But _Carlos_ asks you, and it’s fine?” 

“He’s a kid.” Willie shrugged one shoulder. “He didn’t mean any harm.” 

“And you think _I did?_ ”

“Well, no—" 

“I’m your _boyfriend!_ ” Alex shouted, “I should count for more than Carlos!” 

“You do.” Willie went to him and put his hands on his upper arms. “You know you do.” 

Alex stepped back, his Gift making him graceful as hell even with the crutches. “Don’t lie to me.” 

Willie felt like he’d been slapped. “What did you just say?”

“You heard what I said.” 

“You think I’m _lying_ to you?” Willie’s heart was pounding. He had been lying to Alex, but he didn’t think Alex knew it. How could he apologize without admitting he was a liar? He had no idea what to do.

“You won’t tell me anything, and you won’t let me ask, but an eleven-year-old boy can ask you anything and it’s okay? And then you tell me that I _matter_ to you?” Alex shook his head. 

“You do matter to me!” Willie said. “You know you do!” 

“And yet I can’t ask you anything about your past.”

“Well, maybe you ask too much!” Willie said defensively. 

“I asked you about a fucking _movie!_ " Alex shot back. “How can that possibly be too much?” 

Willie opened his mouth, then closed it again. _Because I don’t want to lie to you anymore,_ he thought. “Because it _is,_ ” he said finally. 

“Bullshit,” Alex spat. “You don’t trust me. You don’t want to tell me because you don’t trust me.” 

“I do trust you!” 

“ _Don’t lie to me!_ ” Alex screamed. “You told Carlos more than you told me! You tell me I matter, that you _love_ me! But then you won’t tell me _anything!_ You don’t trust me!” 

“You keep saying I don’t trust you, but it’s _you_ calling me a liar!” Willie shot back. It hurt so much to hear Alex say that. To say that he didn’t trust him, that Alex thought he didn’t matter to him. Alex mattered more than anything. 

“Then why won’t you tell me anything?” Alex said, tone plaintive. “Why can _Carlos_ ask you, but not me?” 

_Because I lied to Carlos, and I don’t want to lie to you._ Willie wanted to say it so badly, but he held his tongue. Alex was injured. He suffered from anxiety. He was still dealing with his sister being forty-five years old and him being twenty-five years _dead._ There was no way Willie was going to dump his missing memory on the pile of garbage Alex already had to deal with. It was his job to protect Alex. He loved him too much for anything else. “Fine,” he said instead. “Ask me anything you want.” 

Alex blinked. “You’re suddenly cool with it?”

Willie shrugged, going for a nonchalance he didn’t feel. “If it’s the only way to prove how much you matter to me…” 

“But you don’t want to talk about your past.” 

“No, I don’t. But I will. For you.” It was the most honest thing he’d said. Even though if Alex asked, he’d only be able to answer with lies.

All the anger left Alex at once. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

“And I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you. That I don’t love you. Because I do. I love you. So much.” Willie moved closer to him. Close enough to touch. He took Alex’s hands. 

Alex let him, still balanced on his crutches. “I love you, too,” he said. The lines around his eyes were tight. 

“You’re in pain,” Willie said. Gently he led Alex to the sofa bed and helped him sit down. He pulled Alex’s phone out of his back pocket and put it on the closest chair, then helped him toe off his shoes. Alex gave him his crutches and sat on the bed, stretching out his leg with a grateful sigh. 

“Thank you,” he said, eyes closed. “My leg was really beginning to hurt.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Willie took off his shoes and climbed onto the bed beside him. 

Alex cracked his eyes open to look at Willie. “We were fighting?”

Willie laughed and took Alex’s hand. He started playing with his fingers. “You can ask me about my past. If you want.” 

“I want to know everything about you. Like I said. But not if it makes you unhappy.” 

The whole thing made Willie unhappy. “You make me happy.” 

“You make me happy, too.” Alex squeezed his hand. “But you shouldn’t tell Carlos stuff that you don’t want to talk about. He might be a kid, but he understands the word ‘no.’ Luke didn’t really tell him anything.” 

_He’s trying to protect me,_ Willie realized. His mouth thinned. It wasn’t Alex’s job to do that. “I can take care of myself.” 

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell Carlos to back off. And I’m just reminding you that you can.” 

Willie tamped down the flare of defensiveness at Alex’s words. He didn’t want to start the fight again. He just felt so _useless._ Why couldn’t he remember anything? “You’re right,” he said quickly. “I can tell Carlos to back off. I’ll do that next time.” 

“I’m glad,” Alex said. “Because you matter to me. A lot.” He stroked Willie’s cheek. 

“You matter to me, too.” Willie pressed Alex’s hand against his face before kissing his palm. He got up on his knees and leaned over to kiss him. It was gentle at first, a soft apology told through his lips. Alex reciprocated, equally as gentle. Until they suddenly _weren’t_ , and Alex was holding Willie’s shoulders while Willie ran his hands through Alex’s hair and they were kissing like their lives depended on it. 

“You know,” Willie panted, finally pulling back so he could breathe, “Reggie and Luke think we’re still fighting. They aren’t going to come in any time soon.” 

Alex’s beautiful face split into a wide smile. “You’re probably right.” But then he frowned. “I’m not the most mobile right now.” 

Willie smiled wickedly, hands going to Alex’s waistband. “Then you’d better let me do all the work.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get worse for both Alex and Willie. Ray tries to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> HUGE thanks to those of you who've taken the time to comment and kudo! Those small acts of kindness mean more than you know. 
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they are definitely chapter spoilers.  
>    
> And tons of appreciation to my incredible beta [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) She's so great. Go check out her stuff.
> 
> * * *

Alex had fallen asleep in Willie’s arms. 

Their make-up sex had been intense. That, combined with Alex’s now constant pain, had knocked him out. 

Willie smiled indulgently as he stroked his hand through Alex’s hair, gentle enough to not disturb his sleep. He got off the pull-out couch, careful not to jostle Alex and wake him. Alex needed his sleep, but more importantly, Willie needed him not to waken. He had things to do. 

He slipped on his shoes, grabbed his skateboard and crept out of the studio, shutting the door silently behind him. He took a fortifying breath, steeling himself for what he had to do. He went back to the house, propping his board up by the front door. He’d definitely need that later.

Carlos was in the living room playing some online video game, cartoon-like noises blasting from the set while Carlos yelled into his headset at his friends. It was nothing for Willie to sneak past him and into the kitchen. 

The kitchen was also empty. All the breakfast things had been cleaned and cleared away. Willie looked around, hoping he’d see what he needed. It wasn’t there. Of course it’d have to be hard. He sighed. 

Quietly he crept up the stairs, being careful of the creaking of the fifth one from the bottom. He was the one who taught Julie to avoid that step when she’d sneak out of bed late at night, and he wasn’t going to forget now just because he was alive. 

Once at the top of the stairs, he paused, ears straining. He could just make out Julie and Luke laughing behind her closed door. Reggie’s voice wasn’t with theirs. He was probably with Flynn again. 

He couldn’t hear Ray. 

Willie licked his lips, wondering if Ray was in his bedroom. Maybe he was taking a nap, like Alex? Or maybe he’d gone to the gym? Willie had totally forgotten to register if the car was in the driveway or not when he’d went by. He cursed his stupidity. 

He’d just have to risk it. 

Carefully, he crept along the hallway to Ray’s bedroom. The door was open a crack, and Willie pushed it just hard enough so it swung open, like it’d been caught by a non-existent breeze. Willie peeked in. The room was empty.

He breathed out a sigh of relief and slipped inside, shutting the door silently behind him. 

The room was well-lit from the early afternoon sunlight pouring through the windows, which meant Willie didn’t need to turn on the light. Quickly, he scanned the room with his eyes, looking for Ray's wallet. 

It was there, sitting innocuously on Ray’s dresser. Probably one of the few times Ray had actually put it away. Willie stepped over to it, feet barely sounding on the deep carpet. He picked it up and opened it, eyes searching. He found it in the second pocket from the bottom of the wallet: Ray’s Visa card. 

He smiled as he looked at it. He _hated_ to be stealing, especially from Julie’s dad, who’d been nothing but good to him since he’d become visible. But he couldn’t take not having his memories anymore. The fighting with Alex was awful. It was only a matter of time before Alex got tired of his shit and dumped him. He’d use the card to book an appointment with someone who was a Finder, or a Telepath, or had some other mental Gift that meant they could get his memories back. 

Willie might’ve been dead before, but he knew losing Alex would absolutely kill him. 

The door opened. 

Willie whipped his head around and put his hand with the wallet behind his back. It was too late.

“Willie?” Ray asked. “What are you doing here?”

* * *

Ray had been in Carlos’ room, making sure there were no dishes left under the bed again. An unfortunate habit that his pre-teen son had yet to break. He’d seen the door to his bedroom had been closed when he remembered leaving it open and had gotten curious. 

He was now regretting that decision. He could already tell this was going to get messy.

“Willie, what are you doing here?” Ray asked, but he’d seen Willie put his hand behind his back and how his wallet was no longer on his dresser, and his heart sank. 

“I was putting your wallet back. I found it on the driveway.” Willie held out his hand with the wallet in it, smooth as anything. 

God, Ray wanted to just let it go and pretend to believe him, but he couldn’t. He stepped all the way into the room and shut the door. “Willie, what were you doing with my wallet?”

“Putting it back,” Willie said with that charming smile. He looked completely innocent and trustworthy, and Ray suddenly realized the boy was a consummate liar. 

“Willie, I know you were trying to steal my wallet,” Ray said, more upset than really angry. “It will go better for you if you admit it.” 

“But I wasn’t,” Willie said, smile still in place, only now it was tinged with a perfect amount of confusion. “Why would I need to steal from you?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Ray crossed his arms. He purposely stayed standing by the door so Willie couldn’t just run. He remembered all too well how Reggie had teleported away when he’d tried to have a difficult conversation with him. Willie couldn't teleport, but still. lesson learned. 

Willie’s eyes widened, like he was hurt. “I didn’t steal from you.” 

It was a clever dodge. Willie _hadn’t_ stolen from him. Because Ray had stopped him before it happened. Willie really was a master at this. It made Ray’s chest hurt, wondering what the boy had been through to need to become so skilled. “Willie,” he said on a sigh, “we both know you were trying to take my wallet. I know I don’t need to tell you that stealing is wrong. And the fact you’re lying about it is just making everything worse. I need you to tell me the truth.” 

“I wasn’t going to take your wallet!” Willie said hotly, and he sounded so upset that for a moment Ray almost believed him. But then he realized what Willie was doing and his expression hardened.

“Maybe you weren’t going to take my _wallet_ , but you certainly were going to take the card,” Ray said. “Willie, tell the truth!” 

“Or what?” Willie snarled. “You’ll just forgive and forget?” 

“Maybe,” Ray said, slightly relieved Willie had _finally_ given up the pretense he wasn’t stealing. “Maybe you have a really good reason for taking it. I’d like to hear it.” 

“And if I don’t? What if I was going to buy drugs?” Willie crossed his arms, eyes narrowed. “What would you do then?”

Ray had no fucking clue. But Willie hadn’t been alive for much more than a couple of weeks. That seemed like too short a time to start up a drug habit, or maybe restart one. Ray really didn’t know anything about him. “I don’t think you’re doing drugs,” Ray said honestly.

“Oh,” Willie said, like Ray’s answer surprised him. He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what I tell you.”

“Of course, it will!” Ray said, exasperated, “Willie, how can I help you if I don’t know what’s going on?”

Willie bit his lip, a picture of uncertainty. “I want to tell you,” he said softly, “but…I’m afraid.” 

“Let me help you,” Ray said, equally as softly. “I know I’m not actually your dad, but let me help you like one, okay?” 

Willie dropped his gaze and nodded his head, and Ray exhaled, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. He could work with this. He went over to the bed and sat down. “Come, sit with me,” he said. 

Willie was out the door and down the stairs in two seconds flat. “ _¡Mierda!_ ” Ray swore, impressed despite himself at the way he’d been played. He rushed after him, tearing down the stairs and whipping open the front door just in time to see Willie disappearing around a corner on his skateboard, long hair flying. Ray’s wallet was lying on the driveway where Willie had dropped it. His Visa card was missing. 

“ _¡Maldita sea la madre que te parió!_ ” Ray shouted. In the time it took for him to scoop his wallet off the ground he’d completely lost sight of Willie. And he didn’t have his car keys or his shoes. Even if he left immediately, he’d still have no idea which direction to go in to try to find him.

 _I should call the cops,_ he thought, but knew he wouldn’t. Willie was Julie’s best friend and Ray trusted his daughter. If Willie was stealing, he had to have a good reason. 

He folded his wallet and put it in his back pocket, knowing he should call Visa to cancel his card. But part of him really didn’t want to. He just wished he knew what Willie needed the money for. 

“ _¡Joder!_ ” Ray swore. 

He wished Willie had trusted him enough to tell him.

* * *

It was dusk when Alex woke. 

He blinked, feeling disoriented and still drowsy, like his brain was taking a while to come back online. 

“Willie?” he asked. His boyfriend wasn’t beside him. He sat up slowly, taking in the empty space and the lengthening shadows. He ran his hands through his hair and down his face, then shook his head, still feeling a little fuzzy. His sleep had been erratic since he hurt his leg; it made sense he would’ve crashed so hard. 

“I should probably go back in,” Alex said to the empty room. He reached for his crutches, which Willie had carefully placed within hands reach. One of them fell to the floor. 

Alex sighed. He hated using the crutches. He left them on the floor and stood, gingerly putting a bit of weight on his left foot. His foot twinged but it wasn’t bad and he decided he could deal. Carefully, he limped over to the bathroom, used the facilities, washed his hands and face and then rinsed out his mouth. Feeling marginally more human, he limped back into the main area of the studio.

“Where the fuck are my shoes?” Alex muttered. He remembered Willie taking them off him, but he’d been upset and in pain and he hadn’t really been paying attention. Turning on the overhead light would probably help, but the light switch was by the door. It seemed like a really far way to limp, especially since his shoes were most likely somewhere by the sofa bed. For a moment he contemplated just going back to the house in his socks, but the driveway had stones. He had a sudden image of stepping on a rock with his right foot and then landing hard on his left and falling down screaming. He shuddered.

He turned and limped back towards the pull-out couch, eyes searching for the familiar shape of his new sneakers. He was so focussed on looking for them that he forgot about the crutch still lying on the floor. He whacked the big toe of his left foot straight into it. 

The pain was as immediate as it was excruciating. It roared up from his foot, past his knee to settle with breath-stealing agony in his thigh. It felt _exactly_ like when Caleb was sucking out his lifeforce. Alex fell to the floor, howling in pain.

He lay on the cool concrete, chest hitching and sobbing as he tried to breathe, writhing in a helpless attempt to escape the pain. He wanted to pass out. He wanted to die. 

_Get help!_ His brain ordered him. He shifted so he could get his phone out of his back pocket, hands shaking. His phone wasn’t there. It was sitting on the chair beside the bed where Willie had put it. It might as well have been a mile away. 

But he couldn’t stay like this. Alex started to drag himself towards the chair. He tried to keep his left leg still, but his heel scraped along the floor. Even that hurt so badly he screamed. 

It took forever, each moment a year of agonizing pain, but he finally reached the chair. He pushed himself up on trembling arms and managed to grab his phone before collapsing back down. 

He jammed his thumb on the control button until Siri chimed. “Call Reggie,” he croaked. He was nauseous, shaking and sweating with pain. He just hoped Julie wouldn't come for them, because Caleb—

No. It wasn’t Caleb. He wasn’t at the club. He was home. Caleb was dead. 

“ _Hey Alex!_ ” He heard Reggie’s voice on the other end of the phone. “ _I’m with Flynn and you’re on speaker. What’s up?_ ”

“ _He needs help,_ ” Alex heard Flynn say just as he said: “Help.” 

Reggie’s tone went deadly serious. “ _Where are you?_ ”

“Studio,” Alex ground out. He dropped his phone, unable to hold it anymore.

There was a flash of golden light and Reggie was beside him. “Holy shit,” he breathed, taking in both the crutches and Alex lying on the floor. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around Alex’s shoulders. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” 

“Please,” Alex whimpered. 

They disappeared.

* * *

The wind whipped through Willie’s hair and stung his eyes as he raced down Hollywood Boulevard. His skateboard clattered over the pavement, weaving in and out of the pedestrian traffic on one of the most famous streets in the world. 

He pushed off, gaining more speed and did a kickflip over a crack in the sidewalk. The landing was perfect, showing his nearly thirty years of practise. He clenched his jaw and pushed faster, flying down the street like a bird through the air.

It was strange, skateboarding when he was not only visible, but solid. He no longer could ghost through things, because _he_ was no longer a ghost. He was a card-carrying member of the land of the living, and would be until he died.

 _I could die,_ he thought, eyes drifting to the late afternoon traffic. The sun was slowly descending towards the horizon, and the sky was turning into a kaleidoscope of evening colours. It would be dark in about an hour, the time Ray would normally be collecting everyone for dinner. He wondered if that was going to happen tonight, or if the house was overrun with cops waiting for him to return. 

He did an ollie for shits and giggles and then cruised East towards the sunset. Alex was probably awake by now and back in the house. Was he wondering where he’d gone? 

Willie stopped his board by a bench and flipped it up into his hands. He pulled his phone out of his back pocket and sat down, legs stiff from riding for so long. The credit card he’d stolen from Ray was burning a hole in his other back pocket. But he hadn’t even tried to do any Google searches for people with mental Gifts. 

He didn’t know why he’d taken it in the end. He had no idea what he was doing.

He checked his phone. There were thirteen messages from Julie, ten from Flynn, six each from Luke and Reggie, and even a couple from Ray. Alex hadn’t texted him. 

Willie’s eyes shut against the rush of pain that caused. Of course, Alex hadn’t texted him. He’d left him asleep in the studio to steal from Ray. He looked like a fucking criminal. He _was_ a criminal. Every bit as bad as Caleb was. No wonder Alex didn’t want anything to do with him. 

He turned off his phone without checking any of the messages. He knew what they’d say anyway: just different iterations of _how could you have done that?_ and _don’t bother coming back._ He felt the worst about Julie. She was his best friend; his sister. He’d stolen from her dad. She’d never forgive that betrayal.

He got back on his board, desperate to move again. He continued East, still heading into the dazzling sunset. The day’s dying light hurt his eyes, but he kept going. It kind of felt like he was heading towards the end of the world. 

There was a terrible blaring of horns and something slammed into him so hard he went flying. He automatically put his right hand out to break his fall on the pavement, and heard a _crack_ deep inside just before pain exploded through him. He rolled onto his back; right arm clutched to his chest. 

“Jesus, kid! You okay?” A man got out of his car and went to him. “You skated right in front of my car!” 

Willie sat up, feeling the tug and pull of a million bruises already starting to form. His arm really hurt. “I didn’t see you.” 

“You went against the light,” someone else said. A small crowd had formed around them. 

A woman knelt beside him, hands hovering. “I’m a nurse. Can I touch you?” 

“We should call an ambulance,” yet another voice chimed in.

“No,” Willie said to her, and: “No!” to the person who suggested the ambulance. He staggered to his feet, pushing down the pain. He was pretty sure his right wrist was broken, but other than that he was okay. He’d had worse, after all. He'd ended up dead. 

“You really should be seen by a doctor,” the nurse said.

“I’m fine, really,” Willie said, moving his mouth into his most reassuring smile. 

“If you’re sure…” the nurse said, but she stood back and Willie sighed in relief. 

“Here’s your board.” A young guy handed it back to him, and Willie took it with his left arm, smiling gratefully. It looked like it’d escaped the brunt of the accident. 

“Do you need a drive somewhere?” The man who hit him asked, “or can we call someone for you?”

“I’m fine,” Willie repeated. “I’m good. Honest.” He moved off the street to the sidewalk, which seemed to be the cue for everyone else to go about their business. 

“Your hands are bleeding,” the nurse said.

“I’ll take care of it,” Willie said. 

She nodded reluctantly, but left with the rest of the crowd. Willie was alone. 

His palms were burning from the scrapes from the roadway, and his right wrist hurt like hell. But Willie knew he could handle it. It would heal eventually. 

He got back on his board and continued East, but slower this time. He braced his right arm against his chest, and that seemed to help. A thought struck him and he laughed. He’d told Alex he’d broken his right arm skateboarding. At least now it wasn’t a total lie.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray feels like he can't help. Willie returns to the cemetery. Alex isn't doing well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> Here we go my friends! Brace yourselves...
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they are absolutely chapter spoilers.
> 
> I love my beta [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet)
> 
> * * *

Alex and Reggie rematerialized in the waiting room of the Maria Stark Memorial Hospital. Alex was still on his back with Reggie’s arms wrapped around him. 

That was the only thing he knew, other than the pain. 

He screamed, digging his fingers into Reggie's arm as he curled himself around his friend, desperate to get away from the agony.

Reggie held him tight, and Alex clung to him, his rock in a terrifying sea of unending pain. Dimly, he heard Reggie talking to someone, and then suddenly he was being pulled away. 

“Stop fighting!” someone commanded him. “We’re trying to help you!” 

_Help._ The word penetrated Alex’s brain and he stopped flailing. Several hands lifted him and he was put on a stretcher and then wheeled away. The ceiling whipped by him, tile after tile fast enough to make him feel sick. 

His heart was racing, like the staccato rhythm for a really fast song. He was covered in sweat, shivering as it cooled. His breath hitched as he wept. His body wasn't his anymore. He'd lost all control to the agony he was in. 

The stretcher stopped moving. Something sharp and cold was pressed into the back of his hand and something plastic was placed over his nose and mouth. His clothes were stripped off and things were put all over him: around his arm; on his chest; his wrists, his ankles, and even over one finger. A blanket was thrown over him. It was too hot and he was too cold and _nothing_ was making it any better. 

All of a sudden, the pain pulled back like a receding tide. Alex could breathe. He was shivering, freezing cold. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake. 

“…hypovolemic shock…”

“…no obvious signs of bleeding…”

“…ultrasound of the left leg…”

“…Gifted?”

“…Fentanyl, normal saline and glucose.”

The conversation drifted over him, meaningless words that didn’t have anything to do with him. He felt awful: shivery and lightheaded and freezing cold deep inside. 

He closed his eyes.

* * *

Willie ended up in the cemetery. 

He hadn’t even realized he was going there until he took the entrance off Gordon Street. 

The gates were closed, since the cemetery shut at 5:30 p.m. and now it was well past sunset. But a gate hadn’t stopped Willie in the last 30 years. It wasn’t going to stop him now. 

He remembered there was a gap in the wrought-iron fence by the small strip mall on the corner of Van Ness and Santa Monica. He’d never needed to use it when he’d been a ghost, but it would work now.

He just managed to slip through, cursing his too-solid body and clutching his arm. He crept along the fence’s edge, keeping to the shadows until he was out of sight of the road. Then he cut across the well-manicured lawn, towards the Highland plot. 

A feral cat watched him as he passed, her eyes glowing yellow in the near-darkness, then fell into step beside him before suddenly taking off and disappearing into the night. 

He kept going. 

His wrist throbbed with every step he took, a constant reminder of his injury. He gritted his teeth, annoyed at himself for getting hit by a car. He couldn’t remember if he’d actually been killed that way the first time, but it seemed absolutely stupid to be killed that way after being alive again for less than a month. 

Because he wanted to be alive. 

There, with the pain and the dark of cemetery, Willie could confess it to himself. He’d _hated_ every second of being a ghost. He’d hated being Caleb’s lacky, running around doing his bidding and collecting more souls—both living and dead—for his fucking club. He had no idea if his life before had been empty or useless, but the thirty years he’d spent dead had been emptier and more useless than he wanted to think about.

The only good thing that had come out of it was meeting Julie, and it was Caleb who had sent him to her. 

_Caleb wanted us to be friends,_ Willie admitted to himself. Somehow, he’d known about Julie’s Gift, and Caleb had made Willie befriend her so he’d bring Julie right to him. 

Which is exactly what he’d done. 

He couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been. Caleb was a fucking energy vampire. And Willie had _seen_ him do it. He’d seen him take energy from lifers: a little here, a little there, until they’d left with an unsteady gait and a headache they assumed came from the expensive drinks. 

And to make everything _worse,_ he’d led the boys into a trap, and then allowed Reggie to teleport Julie right into Caleb’s clutches. If Julie hadn’t managed to kill Caleb, he would’ve lost them all. Caleb had nearly killed everyone Willie cared about, and it would’ve been all Willie’s fault. 

Thinking about the truth of what he’d done hurt. It hurt a _lot._ He’d led Julie, Luke, Reggie and _Alex_ right to Caleb because he’d though Caleb could actually be trusted. Like he had no idea what Caleb really was. 

Tears stung his eyes but Willie couldn’t wipe them away. He had his board in his left arm and his right was too sore to use. They were itchy and uncomfortable as they dried on his cheeks. But he kept walking. 

It took him a few moments of searching in the darkness to find the headstone he’d taken as his own: _William Ross, February 14, 1974 – December 21, 1991._ Willie put his board down, then sat on the grass over the grave and leaned his back against the stone. He could feel the cool smoothness of the stone through the cloth of his shirt and he shivered. He tucked his arm against his chest, hand over his heart. The raw skin on his palms burned; his pulse thudded in his broken wrist. All reminders of the pain of living. 

He rested his head against William’s gravestone, letting the tears come. 

He knew why he couldn’t remember anything about his past, and it wasn’t because his past was too terrible to remember. It was because _he’d_ been too terrible to remember. He was a thief and a liar and a con artist. He’d ended up working for Caleb because he was the same as Caleb. 

He’d betrayed his friends. He’d betrayed _Julie._ Even Caleb had accused him of betrayal. 

There was nothing forgivable or redeemable about him. He was the same type of monster as Caleb. 

And he’d let Alex fall in love with him.

Willie hung his head as he cried, tears falling silently down his cheeks. He didn’t deserve someone like Alex. Alex was sweet and kind and _good_ , and Willie was none of the above. 

_I have to leave,_ Willie realized. He couldn’t stay with the Molinas now. He couldn’t stay with _Alex_ now. He needed to disappear somewhere far away where he’d never be able to hurt any of them again. 

He allowed himself to slide down until he was lying on his left side on the cold earth, head pillowed on his arm. He still had Ray’s credit card. Hopefully Ray hadn’t cancelled it, because in the morning he’d go to the Greyhound bus station and buy the first ticket to somewhere that wasn’t here. He wasn’t sure where he’d go, especially with winter coming, but he knew he had to leave.

The despair was heavy in his chest, as thick and as black as the night around him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the air. 

He closed his eyes.

* * *

“He’s only seventeen,” Victoria said into the phone. She looked at Ray and rolled her eyes, then narrowed them as she listened to whatever it was the officer was saying. “But he’s still a _minor!_ doesn’t that mean—” She took a breath. “Yes, I know when his birthday is. Yes. Yes. Fine.” She ended the call. “ _¡Qué gilipollas!_ ”

“The police aren’t going to help us?” Ray asked, although he’d already figured that out by her reaction.

“Not until he’s been gone for twenty-four hours. He could be dead by then!” 

“You think he’s in danger?” Julie’s eyes were round with fear.

Ray shot Victoria a censoring look. “I hope not,” he said honestly. “But I’d really like to find him.” 

“It’s getting really dark.” Carlos was looking out the living room window, like he was expecting Willie to come sauntering up the walkway. 

“I know. Which is why we’re trying to figure out where he would’ve gone. So we can find him.” Ray looked at Luke and Julie as he spoke, waiting for them to respond. Julie and Willie were best friends. He’d hoped she’d have at least some idea where he might have fled to. 

Ray had called Luke and Julie down from her room as soon as Willie had taken off, to try and find him. They’d spent a couple of fruitless hours driving aimlessly around Los Feliz before Ray had called it quits and taken them home to eat a quick meal and figure out their next move.

He was trying to stay calm, but it was difficult. He couldn’t stop thinking about Willie, outside in the cold and the dark. Upset. Alone. 

Julie looked at Luke. “I don’t know where he would’ve gone. The only place I know he went was the skate park, and I guess Caleb’s club?”

“And that building collapsed when you killed Caleb,” Ray said to Julie. He was still amazed his daughter had been able to do that. Amazed and a little freaked out. The image of her lying unconscious in Luke’s arms still occasionally haunted his dreams. 

“We already checked the park, but I guess we could check again?” Victoria said. Ray had called her as soon as they’d gotten back from their first search attempt. She’d checked the park again on her way over to their house.

“Don’t bother. If he wasn’t there the first two times, he’s probably not there now. When’s Reggie getting back? We could really use his Gift.”

“I think he’s still with Flynn?” Julie said. “Want me to text him?”

“Please.” Ray took out his phone too and texted Willie again, just in case he’d answer this time. The messages were still all sitting on "delivered". The boy didn’t even have read receipts on.

Reggie suddenly appeared in flash of gold. “Ray! Alex is in the hospital!” 

" _What?_ " Ray said.

“What happened?” Luke demanded as Julie cried out in dismay. 

“I thought he was sleeping in the studio?” Ray said stupidly.

“He was, but then he fell and he called me and he was _screaming_ so I teleported him to the hospital and they took him on a stretcher and they said he was in a _really_ bad way and—”

“Reggie!” Ray cut off Reggie’s breathless explanation. “Which hospital?”

“Maria Stark,” Reggie said before listing sideways. 

“Luke!” Ray alerted him. Luke managed to grab Reggie before he fell, then helped him to the couch. 

“I’ll get him some glucose.” Carlos jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen.

Julie had Reggie put his head down between his legs.

“I’m okay,” Reggie muttered.

“You forgot to eat again, didn’t you?” Julie said as she rubbed his back.

Reggie nodded miserably. 

“You need to keep glucose tablets with you,” Ray said. His mind was reeling. Reggie nearly fainting, Willie disappearing, Alex in hospital. _Rose, help me,_ he prayed. He felt completely overwhelmed. 

Carlos ran back into the room and shoved a handful of the tablets into Reggie’s mouth. 

“Is…is Alex okay?” Luke asked Reggie after he’d managed to swallow most of the wad of pills. 

“I don’t know. They wouldn’t let me go with him.” Reggie looked at Ray. “They told me to get Alex’s parents, so I came here.” 

“You did the right thing,” Ray said, voice rough. Alex needed him at the hospital, but Willie needed him to find him. He felt absolutely torn in two. He turned to Victoria. 

“Take Luke and Reggie to the hospital,” Victoria said. “I’ll take Julie and Carlos to find Willie.” 

“Wait, what?” Reggie sat up and looked around the room as if realizing that Willie wasn’t there. “Where’d Willie go?”

“We don’t know.” Ray’s mouth thinned. “You don’t happen to know where he might’ve gone?”

“The skate park?”

“We looked there,” Victoria said.

“I don’t know anywhere else,” Reggie said. “When Willie’s not at the park or in school he spends all his time with Alex.” 

“We should go see how Alex is doing. I’m going to get our jackets from the studio.” Luke was already at the door, putting on his shoes. 

“Bring your phone chargers. We might be there a while,” Ray said to him. 

Luke nodded and slipped out the door.

“Why’d Willie leave?” Reggie asked Ray. 

Ray glanced at Julie. She was the only one he’d told about catching Willie stealing his credit card. “It was probably because of the fight he had with Alex,” Ray said. He didn’t like lying to the boys, but everyone had seen the tension between Alex and Willie at breakfast, so it wasn’t too far of a stretch. And, who knew? Maybe Willie had stolen Ray’s credit card because of Alex. It was something else he’d have to ask once Willie was found. But for now, he and Julie were on the same page: there was no reason for Luke and Reggie to know about his theft. 

Ray was still peeved that Willie had stolen from him, but he was more concerned for his safety. He just wanted Willie back. They could deal with everything else later.

“If you guys are going to look for Willie you should bring Flynn,” Reggie said to Julie. “Her Gift might help.” 

“I’ll text her.” Julie bent over her phone.

“What happened to your arm? Carlos asked Reggie. 

Ray looked at Reggie. There was a set of eight half-moon shaped bruises in Reggie’s pale skin on his left arm, starting just below the sleeve of his white T-shirt. 

“Oh. That must be from Alex’s fingernails.” Reggie bit his lip. 

Ray had to turn away for a moment to get his churning emotions under control. He couldn't imagine the kind of pain that would make someone do that. Alex must have been terrified and Ray hadn’t been there to help him. To help either one of them. Reggie had been forced to handle it alone.

“Let me help.” Julie put her fingertips on the bruises and her hands glowed a soft, white light. The awful marks disappeared. 

“Thank you,” Reggie murmured, and Julie kissed his cheek. Ray was so grateful for his daughter. It was amazing how powerful her Gift was. 

Luke came back a moment later and tossed Reggie’s leather jacket to him. He went straight to Julie. She got up from where she’d been sitting beside Reggie and they embraced. 

“I’ll text you as soon as we know anything,” Luke said.

“I’ll text you as soon as we find him,” Julie said back. 

He kissed her, which Ray pretended not to notice, and she went to get on her shoes. Carlos was already at the door, shoes on. “Don’t worry dad,” he said, “we’ll find him.” 

“I know you will,” Ray said. 

Julie hugged him and then Victoria gave him a quick nod and grabbed her purse. A moment later the three of them were gone.

“Okay boys, let’s go.” Ray picked up his keys.

“I’ll teleport us,” Reggie said.

“You will _not!_ " Ray said immediately. “You’re still recovering from the first two trips you just made!”

Reggie visibly stiffened at Ray’s sharp tone. “Are you mad at me?”

Ray winced at his own stupidity. He was familiar enough with Reggie’s history to know better than snap at him. “No, I’m not. I’m just worried about you because I don’t want to see you hurt. I’m not mad. I promise.” 

“Ray’s not mad, just worried,” Luke said, giving Reggie a quick squeeze around his shoulders. 

Reggie’s eyes bounced between Luke and Ray, clearly deciding if he could trust their words. “Okay.” 

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Ray tried again. “I really was just worried.” 

“Okay,” Reggie said again, but some of the tension in his shoulders loosened. 

“Can we go now?” Luke bounced on his toes, exuding anxiety. 

Ray nodded, grabbed his phone and turned to leave before he remembered he didn’t have his wallet. It was on his desk where he’d left it after picking it up off the driveway. It was amazing to think Willie had taken his Visa only that afternoon; It felt like a lifetime ago. He picked it up and slipped it into his pocket. 

“Victoria will find him,” Ray whispered to himself. “Victoria will find Willie, and Alex will be okay and everything will be fine.” He just hoped this time, God heard his prayer.

He ushered the boys outside into the dark.

* * *

Alison met them at the hospital. 

She was wearing a white coat over her street clothes and looked every inch the professional that Ray remembered from when they first met. 

“Hi, Ray, Luke, Reggie,” Alison said, giving Ray a quick hug hello. “Where’s Willie?” 

“We’re not sure,” Ray said with a grimace.

“How’s Alex?” Luke interrupted. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable,” Alison said, which wasn’t quite the same as "okay", but Ray wasn’t going to argue in front of the kids. “I was actually on my way to get a full report. Why don’t you come with me?”

“That’d be great, thanks.” Ray signaled to Luke and Reggie and they followed Alison through a short maze of corridors to a large, open area and up to the nurse’s desk. The doctor who had assessed Alex’s foot so violently was there. For the life of him, Ray couldn’t remember his name.

“Doctor Petrović,” the doctor said. “Please, call me Miroslav. You are Mr. Molina, Alex’s guardian, yes?” 

“Yes, and please call me Ray.” Ray shook his proffered hand. “How’s Alex?”

“I’m not sure,” Miroslav said with crushing honesty. “He presented like someone in hypovolemic shock.” At Ray and the boys' blank expression he grimaced. “Sorry. His symptoms were like someone experiencing extensive bleeding, only there wasn’t any blood.” 

“He was bleeding?” Reggie’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t see any blood!”

“That’s what Miroslav is saying. Alex looked like someone who was bleeding, only he wasn’t. We’ve run all sorts of tests and I’ve checked him twice with my Gift, but we can’t find anything that would explain his symptoms,” Alison said. 

“So, he’s okay?” Luke demanded. “If he’s not bleeding, he has to be okay, right?” 

“Maybe?” Miroslav shrugged. “His pain has been hard to get under control. We will see how he does when his most recent dose of medication wears off.” 

“His pain was really bad,” Reggie said softly. Ray put his hand on Reggie’s shoulder.

“But he’s not in any pain now. The medicine’s keeping him calm and asleep. Which is probably the best thing for him until we can figure out what’s wrong,” Alison said.

“I thought he just hurt his foot?” Luke asked, looking at Ray as if Ray could confirm anything. 

“It’s not his foot. But we will know more in—” Miroslav checked his watch, “—seventeen minutes. That is when his last dose of fentanyl will stop working.”

There was something very wrong with Alex. Neither Alison or Miroslav had said so directly, but Ray had heard enough doctor-speak while Rose was dying to know when they were concerned. Both doctors were concerned now. He hoped the boys didn’t understand how bad things actually were for their friend. 

“Can we see him?” Reggie asked. “Even just for a minute?”

“He’s asleep,” Alison warned them. 

“He’ll know we’re there,” Luke said with confidence. 

She nodded and led them to one of the curtained alcoves, holding it back for them to enter. Ray’s heart sank.

Alex was lying on the stretcher bed, eyes closed and clearly asleep. His blond hair looked dull, his skin unnaturally pale. There was an IV sticking out of one of his hands and a pulse oximetre on one finger. A series of wires leading to the heart monitor snaked their way from underneath his blankets. He looked small and fragile and so different from the healthy young man Ray had seen only that morning.

It was like Rose’s last days in hospital. She’d looked diminished like that, too. 

Luke and Reggie moved to stand on each side of Ray, close enough that their arms were brushing. Both of them looked quietly terrified. 

“He’s okay, he’s just sleeping,” Ray said with a calmness he didn’t feel. “You can watch his chest rising and falling. See?”

Luke nodded, like Ray had said something really profound. “Can I touch him?”

“I’m sure he’d like that,” Alison said. Ray didn’t even know she’d followed them inside. 

Luke went over to Alex and gently started carding his fingers through Alex’s hair. Luke was incredibly physically affectionate with his friends, something Ray had noticed from the beginning. 

Reggie went up beside Luke. “Hey, Alex,” he said. “We’re right here. If you were wondering.” 

Ray sighed internally as he watched the boys comfort Alex and mentally prepared himself for another long night in hospital. He’d hoped, after Rose died, he’d never have to stand vigil in a hospital again. 

The idea this might be the same kind of vigil wasn't one that bore thinking about.

_You’re worth it,_ Ray thought, looking at Alex. All the boys were worth it. He wanted to be a good dad for them, better than what they’d experienced before. He thought about the way Willie had run from him that afternoon and he winced. Willie didn’t trust him yet. He knew it was early days, but he had to do better. 

“He feels hot.” Luke looked back at Alison. “Is that normal?”

“Hot?” Alison asked. Luke stepped aside as she moved to Alex’s head, touching first his forehead, then his cheeks. She slid a hand down underneath his hospital gown to touch his upper chest, then between his shoulder blades as well. Her mouth thinned. “He has a fever.” 

“Is that bad?” Reggie asked just as an alarm sounded. Alison looked at the beeping machines and Ray saw the flash of fear in her eyes. 

“Take them out of here,” Alison said to Ray. 

It was bad. “Boys.” Ray grabbed them both by their jackets and hustled them out of the alcove just as three other medical people rushed in. Ray kept going, taking them out to the waiting area and not letting go of their jackets until they were seated. 

Luke shot out of his chair. “What’s going on?”

“Alex is very sick,” Ray said, trying to control the shaking in his voice. He’d seen the crash cart being pulled into Alex’s room. “But the doctors know and they’re helping.” 

“I want to go back!” 

Ray grabbed him before he’d gone more than a couple of steps. “Luke! Sit down!”

“But Alex—”

“Is with his doctors! And they won’t be able to work if you’re there. Sit down!” 

Luke sat. “It’s bad, isn’t it?” His mouth was trembling. 

“What’s wrong with him? Is he going to die?” Reggie asked, looking equally close to tears. 

“The doctors will figure it out,” Ray said. He was amazed at how calm he sounded, considering how hard his heart was pounding. Alex was dying. He was _dying,_ and there was nothing Ray could do about it. 

After Rose died, he’d prayed to never feel that helpless again. Clearly God hadn’t listened.

“But he’ll be okay, right?” Luke asked. 

“Of course,” Ray said. “And they’ll fix him up in no time.” He hoped he sounded like he believed it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex sees an old friend. Willie comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they are absolutely chapter spoilers.
> 
> My beta is the gorram best! [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) Check out her stuff. You won't be disappointed!
> 
> * * *

“Alex.” 

Alex opened his eyes. 

He was standing just inside the patient care area of the emergency department, only it was empty. He could see neatly made beds with heart monitors and blood pressure cuffs nearby, all waiting. Even the air was still and quiet. 

He turned to the woman beside him. “Rose, why am I here?”

“Because you’re dying and I can save you,” she said. 

“Dying?” He looked down at himself. He was wearing a pale blue hospital gown that ended a couple of inches above his knees. There was a huge, jagged tear running down the outside of his mid-left thigh all the way to his pinkie toe. Pure white light was pouring from the wound into the air around them, like blood flowing into water. 

“That’s your Lifeforce,” Rose said. “When Julie brought you back from being out-of-phase, a part of you got caught, and it tore. As you can see, mijo, the tear’s gotten pretty big.” 

“Oh,” Alex said. The wound didn’t hurt at all. All the agony was gone. It was hard to believe he was dying. “Did Reggie take me to the hospital?”

She nodded. “The doctors and nurses are trying really hard to save you right now. But you don’t have a physical wound, so it’s going to be difficult for them to do anything. So, I brought you here.” 

“You can fix it?”

“Of course!” She winked at him, then went over and patted one of the beds. “Come, Alex, lay down.” 

Alex went and lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It had water stains on it, but the stain was sparkly, like the water was fresh and clean. 

“I’m going to sew that right up,” Rose said. She went to a cupboard and took out some supplies and brought them back to the table by the bed. She worked in silence for a moment, then turned back to him, holding up a needle attached to a long string of black thread. “Ready?”

“Is it going to hurt?” Alex asked. He was so tired of being in pain.

“Nothing hurts here, mijo,” she said. “I’m going to start with your thigh.” 

He could feel the needle going in and out of his skin and the thread being tugged through, but it didn’t hurt, just like Rose had said. It was oddly soothing, feeling the press and tug over and over again. He breathed deeply of the still air. There was a faint scent of dahlias. 

“I’ve been here before,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, Alex. You and Luke and Reggie.” 

Alex nodded. “But Luke had a gash on his head.” 

“He did.” Rose tied off another stitch. 

“Why didn’t you fix that?”

“I wanted to, but unlike your injury, his wound happened in the real world. I can only fix injuries that happen here. But I kept him, and Reggie, and you, safe until it was time to meet Julie." She smiled at him and snipped the thread before starting on another stitch. “And then Julie healed him. _Gracias a Dios._ ”

“It was lucky she needed to,” Alex said after a moment’s thought. “By helping him, she learned what her Gift could actually do.” 

Rose tilted her head, consideringly. “Which led to her being able to save all of you, in the end.” 

“I guess him being bashed on the head was a good thing.” Alex smiled. 

“As much as being bashed on the head ever could be.” She moved her hands to his knee. “This might tickle.”

It did and Alex laughed, leg jerking. 

“Hold still!” she admonished him.

He held his leg still until she moved down to his calf. Each stitch she added lessened the flow of light out of his body. Rose hummed to herself as she worked. It was a sweet melody Alex was pretty sure he’d heard before, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. The gentle tug of the stitches was strangely pleasant and that, combined with her beautiful voice, was lulling him to sleep. He let his eyes slide shut.

“Time to wake up, mijo.” Rose shook him gently. “It’s time to go home.” 

Alex blinked his eyes open. “You’re done?”

“Yes, and now you can go back. Your friends are waiting.” 

“Okay,” he sighed, happy at the thought of seeing his friends. He sat up. There was a neat chain of black stitches from his thigh all the way down to his toe, like a zipper on his skin. 

“It will be completely invisible when you go back. But it will allow your injury to heal and keep it from happening again,” Rose said. “Just stay off it for a few days, okay? No running.” 

“No running,” Alex repeated.

Rose ruffled his hair. “I’m wasting my breath. You won’t remember any of this.”

“I’ll remember you!” Alex promised.

“You won’t,” Rose sighed. “But that’s okay. Because I remember all of you.” 

“Thank you,” Alex said. _I’ll remember her,_ he promised himself. He stood, bouncing on both feet. Everything felt fine and there was no light leaking anywhere. He looked at Rose, face split in a grin.

She hugged him, and he embraced her back. She was barely taller than Julie. “Thank you,” he said again. “For everything.” 

“Take care of yourself. And Julie and Carlos and Ray. And the boys. And Willie,” Rose said. “Even though you won’t remember what I said, do it anyway.” 

Alex laughed. “Yes, ma’am.” 

She leaned upward to kiss his cheek. “Good bye, Alex,” she said softly and stepped out of his embrace. She put her hands on his shoulders and shoved. 

Alex lost his balance and fell.

* * *

Ray ended up taking the boys home at midnight. 

There’d been no news from Alison or Miroslav at that point, either good or bad, which Ray refused to read too much into. All he knew was that he and the boys needed sleep to deal with whatever they’d have to face in the morning. 

He met Victoria in the driveway when they arrived. Her grim expression told him they’d had no success finding Willie. All she’d really managed to do was get Carlos to bed. All in all, the night had been a complete bust. He gave her his thanks and she left. 

Luke and Reggie were physically and emotionally exhausted. The idea of sending them to exile in the studio felt all kinds of wrong. “We’ll set you up to sleep in the house tonight,” Ray said to them.

“I call the green couch,” Reggie said. 

“There’s only one couch,” Luke reminded him. “I can sleep in the studio.” 

There was no way that was going to happen. “You both can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch,” Ray said, like he’d decided a while ago and not that second. 

Reggie immediately opened his mouth to protest, but Ray cut him off. “No arguments, Reggie. I need you guys inside.” He’d said it to make it sound like they’d be doing him a favour, but then he realized it was true. He’d lost both Alex and Willie in less than a day with no sense of if—or when—they’d be back. He couldn’t bear the thought of Reggie and Luke being out of his orbit right now. Even for a night.

“Okay,” Reggie nodded. “I’ll get our things,” and he teleported away.

“I hate his Gift,” Luke mumbled. 

“It’s really useful,” Ray agreed as he led Luke into the house. Personally, he thought Julie’s ability to heal people was the best Gift he’d ever seen, even if she wasn’t exactly healing them with her Lifeforce. But he could concede that Reggie’s Gift was a pretty close second. 

“How’s Alex?” Julie asked by way of greeting after she’d hugged Luke. Flynn was still with her, although Carlos wasn’t, which made Ray hopeful he’d actually gone to sleep. 

“I don’t have any more news since I texted. I’m hoping we’ll hear more in the morning. Any sign of Willie?” He was sure he already knew the answer, but he asked anyway.

“Nothing,” Julie said, squashing all hope.

“But I don’t sense anything bad,” Flynn said. “Well, not really?” 

Ray sighed again. Flynn’s Gift was highly accurate but painfully imprecise. He forced himself to smile. “I’ll take that as a good sign.” 

“Ray wants us to sleep inside the house tonight,” Luke said. He was still holding Julie’s hand. 

“Could I sleep over, too?” Flynn asked, “If I wouldn’t be in the way, I mean.” 

Ray’s heart hurt looking at her earnest expression. Alex and Willie were her friends, too. “Of course, mija. Are you okay sharing Julie’s bed?”

“Always,” Flynn said with a grin. “I’ll just text my mom to let her know.” 

The relationship between Flynn and her mother, Bridget, always puzzled Ray. Bridget seemed to let Flynn do whatever she wanted as long as she knew where Flynn was and with whom. It seemed rather lackadaisical to Ray, but then again, what did he know?

“You can borrow my pajamas and we still have your spare toothbrush,” Julie said to her. Ray had been buying extra toothbrushes ever since Flynn started having these spontaneous sleepovers in middle school. With the four boys floating between the studio and the house, he was glad he’d stayed in the habit. 

Reggie reappeared with his and Luke’s toothbrushes and their pillows. He brightened when he saw his girlfriend. “Flynn!” She went to him and they kissed, and once again Ray pretended not to notice.

“Okay, bed,” Ray said. “The boys are going to be in my room, and I’m sleeping down here. I know you’ll want to talk for a while, but please make sure you get some sleep. We’ll need to go back to the hospital tomorrow and continue our search for Willie.” He hoped he could get Victoria’s help for that again, because he didn’t how he’d manage both those jobs at once. He was too tired to sort it out now, though. He’d worry about it in the morning.

“Good night, Papi,” Julie said, giving him a hug and a kiss. 

Ray hugged her back, and then hugged Flynn, Luke and Reggie in turn. They went upstairs and he followed to grab one of his pillows, a sheet and a blanket for the couch. He was really tired.

The girls disappeared into Julie’s room and he and the boys went into his bedroom. They both stopped to look around, and Ray realized they’d never been in there before. Reggie peered at a photo on his dresser. “Is this Rose?”

“Yeah.” Ray nodded. “That was taken when Julie had just started freshmen year.” It was a year before she died, but Ray didn’t bother mentioning that. 

“She’s beautiful,” Luke said admiringly. “Julie looks just like her.” 

That made Ray smile. Luke was so clearly smitten. “She really was. Beautiful inside and out.” 

“Like Julie,” Reggie agreed. His forehead creased. “She looks familiar.” 

“We met her at the Orpheum the night of the fire, remember?” Luke nudged his shoulder.

“I remember! I meant the way she looks in the photograph,” Reggie tried to explain. He shook his head. “Never mind.” 

Ray took his pillow off the bed. He thought for a moment about changing the sheets for the boys, but then dismissed it. They were all exhausted. “I’m heading to bed,” he said. “Sleep well.” 

“Thank you,” Luke said. 

“Yeah. For doing this.” Reggie nodded. 

“I care about you guys,” Ray said sincerely. “You, Alex and Willie. I care about all of you.” 

“Yeah,” Luke said with his charming half smile. “We know.”

* * *

Willie woke with the dawn. 

He was amazed he’d been able to sleep at all, considering he’d been lying on the cold ground of William Ross’ grave. He sat up with a groan, aching from getting hit by a car the evening before. The pain in his wrist was a dull roar, radiating all the way up to his shoulder. 

He thought longingly of the warm loft bed in the warm studio and how good it felt to have Alex’s warm body beside him. But he shoved the thought aside. He was no good for Alex. He wasn’t good for anyone. He had a plan and he was going to stick with it. Everyone would be so much better off without him. 

He stood and picked up his board before giving William Ross’ gravestone a long look goodbye. He sighed, and headed out. It was strange to think that he’d never be there again. 

The cemetery was just beginning to open up with the start of day and he easily slipped out the entrance while the workers were coming in. If any of them saw a scruffy-looking teenager carrying a skateboard leaving, none of them said anything. 

The Greyhound Bus Station was a hard three hour walk from the cemetery. Boarding would probably cut that time in half, but Willie didn’t think he’d have the strength. He hadn’t eaten anything since the breakfast he’d made, and the constant pain in his wrist felt like it was sucking all his energy. He still had Ray’s credit card though, and LA had just instituted a new system where you could pay for bus tickets with an app on your phone. 

He found a fast-food place with free WIFI, bought a breakfast sandwich and a coffee with Ray’s card, and sat in the back to download the app. Ray hadn’t cancelled his card, which surprised the hell out of Willie. Didn’t he think Willie was going to use it? Didn’t he care that Willie had stolen it? He wasn’t sure how to think about it, so he didn’t. 

It was nothing to upload Ray’s card information to the transit app. Willie now how free run of the city. 

_You could go home,_ he thought. Hop on a bus and go back to Los Feliz. Everyone would probably just be waking up for breakfast. They might even be happy to see him. Maybe Ray would even forgive him for stealing…

Willie shook his head to clear that dumb idea out of it. He’d stolen from Ray, and that was the least awful thing he’d done. Allowing Caleb to get his hands on Julie and the boys was completely unforgivable. 

He ate his breakfast sandwich and drank his coffee, watching the sun clear the horizon through the restaurant’s windows and the city start coming to life. He still felt so detached from all of it, completely separate from the city where he’d spent the last thirty years. He didn't belong there. He belonged in the graveyard, like William. He should’ve crossed over when he’d actually died, instead of spending so long with Caleb. He really wished he’d had.

He finished the sandwich and he felt marginally less awful now that he’d eaten. He sipped his coffee, hating the thought of having to exit the restaurant and head to the bus station. He didn’t want to go, but he had no choice. 

His thoughts went back to Alex, and how he’d last seen him: looking as beautiful and pure as an angel as he slept. For sure Alex would be awake by now. Willie imagined him eating breakfast with the other boys and the Molinas, laughing and joking with his family. He hoped he was finally out of pain.

_I have to tell him,_ Willie realized. Alex loved him and he hadn’t done anything wrong. It would be beyond cruel if Willie just left without telling him anything. He took a deep breath, fortifying himself to write the text. He had to break up with Alex. Another thing he really didn’t want to do. 

Willie opened his smartphone, grimacing as even moving the fingers on his right hand hurt. 

He'd missed tons of notifications, and even more calls and messages, but he ignored them. He was already feeling bad enough without reading their words of anger and blame.

He pulled up his last text conversation with Alex and labouriously typed in his message with his left hand:

_Alex, I love you so much, but we can’t be together. I’m leaving LA this morning and I won’t be back. Please take care of yourself._

He put his phone on the table and blinked back tears. He couldn’t remember when he’d actually died, but he was 100 percent sure this pain was way worse. But he wasn’t done.

_Julie,_ he thought. She was his best friend. There was no way he could disappear on her without at least a goodbye. He opened their last text conversation as well. 

_Alex is really sick. He’s at the hospital. You need to come home now!_

Willie stared at the message, his hands shaking. Quickly, he scanned through all of Julie’s messages, then Flynn’s, then Luke’s and Reggie’s and Ray’s. They all said same thing: Alex was sick. He was in Maria Stark Memorial hospital. He was in a bad way. Willie needed to come home.

Willie’s stomach twisted so hard he thought he was going to be sick. Alex had been in hospital since yesterday afternoon, but Willie hadn’t been there. He’d been feeling sorry for himself in a graveyard and he hadn’t known. _He hadn’t known._

He closed his eyes to ghost there, then remembered he couldn’t do that anymore. He was alive and un-Gifted and therefore trapped by the physics of the real world.

He left, threw his board down on the pavement and started to ride. The hospital wasn’t too far from the cemetery. He should be there in the next twenty minutes. Every minute was another minute too long. 

His wrist throbbed with the vibrations of the trucks on the sidewalk: a constant, distracting pain that only added to Willie’s nausea. He was still aching from being hit by the car, but he ignored it. Alex was sick. He could be _dying_ and Willie wasn’t there. 

He’d let Alex down, _again._

Willie gritted his teeth and kept riding.

* * *

Ray got Alison’s call less than seven hours after he'd taken the boys home. It took him barely forty-five minutes to get the teens up, dressed, fed and back into the car. 

Victoria had met him in the driveway again. She was going to take Carlos around Los Angeles to look for Willie. Today it was going to be the beach and Hollywood Boulevard. Ray figured it might just end up being a nice outing for the two of them, because finding Willie amongst all those people would be nearly impossible. But he was grateful they were at least doing _something_ to try to find him. 

Julie, Flynn and Reggie sat in the back seat while Luke took shotgun. It was a testament to their concern that no one requested any music as he drove. He turned on the radio anyway, not willing to listen to his thoughts. 

Alison had told him that Alex had been moved to the intensive care unit early yesterday morning. He was currently stable but on medication to keep his blood pressure elevated and to control his pain. They’d also started him on two powerful antibiotics in case his symptoms were caused by a bacterial infection. And they'd basically checked Alex for every possible infection under the sun that might cause those symptoms, including checking his spinal fluid for meningitis. 

“I couldn’t find any sign of infection when I used my Gift,” Alison had said over the phone, “but the ICU doctor wanted to take samples anyway.” Alison hadn’t mentioned it, but Ray could hear it in her voice: the fear her Gift somehow didn't work on her brother. He wasn’t sure if would rather Alison was right or wrong. Alex having a raging infection would be terrible, but it was something the doctors could _treat._

He just really wanted Alex to be okay. 

They parked and then Ray herded everyone into the hospital, then to the ICU. It turned out Alex was in the ICU step-down unit, which meant he was considered somewhat less sick. It was a small piece of good news, but Ray took it. It was so much better than the alternative.

His nurse, named Kamala, introduced herself. She was a sweet-looking woman who seemed too young to have this kind of responsibility. She was sitting at a desk in front of a small room with a sliding glass door. Alex was visible on a bed inside.

There was a pink tube going into one of Alex’s nostrils, an IV in the back of each hand and another tube that led from underneath the blankets to a bag attached to the lower rung of the bed. The same type of wires he’d had in the ED were leading to the same type of heart monitor. He still had a blood pressure cuff around his arm and the small pulse oximetre attached to one finger. His eyes were closed, and he was breathing deeply, very much asleep.

Ray’s plan had been to have the kids go inside and visit while he discussed Alex’s condition with his nurse. He’d been steeling himself for it since he’d received Alison’s call. He had vivid memories of all the terrible conversations with Rose's doctors when she was dying. They'd tried to sugar-coat the truth to spare him, but she'd died anyway.

If Alex was dying, he wanted to know the truth. The kids had no one else to help them through it. 

Luke, naturally, ruined that plan immediately.

“How’s Alex doing?” Luke asked. His voice shook. He had one hand fisted in the shoulder of Reggie’s jacket, the other was in Julie’s hand.

“And please tell us straight up. We can take it,” Reggie added. Flynn was tucked next to him, and the four of them were radiating anxiety and fear so strongly Ray could practically feel it.

The young nurse smiled warmly at them. “He’s doing well, actually. He’s much better than he was when he was transferred here yesterday. He’s definitely improved from whatever happened to him and we’re expecting a full recovery.” She paused, taking in their fearful expressions. “You can all stop worrying because he’s going to be _fine._ ” 

Her words were slowly percolating through Ray’s brain and combining into something meaningful. He swallowed. “He’s going to be okay?”

“Yes,” Kamala said. “Your son is going to be okay.” 

“Oh,” Ray said, throat thick.

Luke staggered and Julie had to steady him, while Reggie turned in Flynn’s arms and burst into tears.  
Ray felt close to tears himself. He must have looked it, because Kamala handed him a box of tissues, which he took gratefully and dabbed at his eyes. “I’m sorry, I don’t—”

“I love to see happy tears,” she said brightly as she gave more tissues to Reggie and then some to Julie to share with Luke. “Cry away!” 

That made Ray laugh. “He’s really okay?” He had to hear her say it again.

“He’s okay,” she repeated. “In fact, he’s one of my healthiest patients!”

Ray couldn’t help but return her smile. The relief her words had brought made him feel a thousand pounds lighter. “That’s great,” he said, “that’s really great news.” 

“Can we go see him?” Julie asked. 

“Absolutely. He’ll be happy his family is here,” Kamala said with another broad smile. “But keep in mind we’re giving him pain medication that’s making it very hard for him to stay awake. He’ll also sound like he’s really drunk when he talks.” 

“We’ve seen him like that before,” Reggie said with a laugh that was only a little wet. Then his eyes widened and he shot Ray a nervous look. “I mean—”

“It’s okay.” Ray patted Reggie’s shoulder. “I’m sure it was just a one-time thing.” He was absolutely sure it wasn’t, but he’d been young once, too. 

“Barely even one time!” Luke said, way too quickly. 

“If it even happened at all,” Reggie added. 

Julie, who had the most experience with hospitals, went into the room first. “Hey Alex,” she said, rubbing his shoulder, “how you doing?”

That seemed to give the rest courage, as Flynn, Luke and Reggie went over to Alex, crowding each side of his bed. Luke, ever the tactile one, started carding his fingers through Alex’s hair. 

Alex mumbled something that made them laugh softly and Ray smiled. He stayed by the door, letting them have some space with their friend, glad to hear them laugh and see their tension leave.

“It’s such a relief to hear he’s going to be okay,” Ray said to Kamala. 

Kamala nodded. “I much prefer the happy endings.” She looked over his shoulder to where the four kids were still clustered around Alex’s bed. “That’s a beautiful family you have there. Are all those kids yours?”

Ray turned to follow her gaze, taking in the five children. “Yeah,” he said simply. “They are.” 

“Ray?”

Ray turned back at the sound of his name. Willie was standing in front of him, his board in his left hand and his right held across his chest. He looked disheveled and dirty and exactly like he’d been out on the streets all night. 

“And here’s another one,” Ray said. “Kamala, is it okay if he leaves his board by your desk?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is better. Willie tells the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they are absolutely chapter spoilers.
> 
> With my usual deep thanks and appreciation of my beta :) [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet)
> 
> * * *

Ray was right there. 

Willie thought his heart was going to stop. He knew Ray had to be pissed at him. Willie was going to be in a world of hurt. He just hoped Ray would let him see Alex before he was punished. “Is Alex okay?”

“Alex is fine, he’s _fine_ ,” Ray said quickly. “You don’t need to worry, mijo. Alex is okay.” 

“He’s okay?” Willie wasn’t sure he’d heard right. All the texts from the others had made it seem like Alex was _dying._ And he was in the ICU. That had to be a bad thing.

“Your dad’s right,” the nurse said. “Your brother is fine.” 

“Alex is Willie’s boyfriend, actually,” Ray said. Then, "it's complicated," in response to her confused look.

“He’s okay?” Willie repeated again. His head was spinning from the sudden change from terror to hope. His eyes burned with unshed tears. 

Ray noticed. He moved towards him and Willie stiffened, waiting for Ray to yell, or scream, or try to hit him, or do anything like what Caleb had done when he was angry. 

Ray didn’t do any of that. Instead, he came over and gently took the board from under Willie's left arm, propping it out of the way against the nurse’s desk. He turned back to Willie; arms open. “Come here.” 

Willie paused for a second, trying to figure out if there was a catch, but he couldn't see any. He stepped into Ray’s embrace. Ray hugged him, holding him tightly. “I’m sorry I stole your credit card,” Willie said, and then to his horror, he started to cry. 

“Shh, mijo,” Ray said against his head. “it’s okay. You’re home now. You’re safe.” 

_Home,_ Willie thought in wonder, _Safe._ Two words he hadn’t felt for the last thirty years. 

Only, he _wasn’t_ safe. At least not for them. He’d betrayed them all to Caleb. He didn’t deserve to share their home. 

He stepped away from Ray, tears running down his face. His right wrist was still painful and he held it against his chest again, wishing he could just make the pain stop. “No,” he said, “home. I can’t—” His voice cracked. 

“That arm looks like it hurts,” Kamala said to Willie as she handed him some tissues. She seemed completely unconcerned by the fact he was crying. “Maybe you should go to the ED.” 

Ray’s gaze went straight to Willie’s arm and his eyes widened in alarm. “Are you _hurt?_ ”

“I was hit by a car?” Willie admitted before he could stop himself. 

“You were hit by a _car?_ ” Ray said, visibly upset.

“It’s only my wrist,” Willie said quickly. “It’s fine.” 

“You don’t know that,” Kamala said to him. “I’m going to call a porter to bring him downstairs to the ED.”

“I’ll take him,” Ray said. “Can you walk?”

“I got here, didn’t I?” Willie tried to laugh. It sounded like a broken sob. He was still crying. 

“Take the wheelchair by the wall,” Kamala said, pointing at one near the end of the corridor. 

“Can I see Alex first?” Willie asked. He could see the other kids around Alex’s bed, but he couldn’t see Alex. He honestly wasn’t sure if he’d be able to survive without seeing him. 

“Of course,” Ray said immediately. “Keep in mind that he’s really drugged though, but he’s doing well.” 

They’d said that before, but Willie still looked to Kamala for confirmation, and she nodded, smiling at him. “He’s really good. Promise.” 

Ray led Willie inside the room. Julie and the others turned to stare at him. 

“Willie!” Julie said happily. All four of them were smiling widely at him, like they’d been worried about him instead of furious.

Reggie frowned. “Did you sleep outside?”

Julie came over to him and gave him a big hug. She caught his right arm and he hissed in pain.

“Willie?” Her brown eyes were wide with concern. 

“He got hit by a car,” Ray said by way of explanation, and then everyone was surrounding him, asking if he was okay. 

“I’m fine,” Willie said faintly, but they could see the tear marks on his cheeks and the way he was holding himself stiffly, and the angle of his arm against his chest. 

“You got hit by a car? No wonder you look like shit,” Luke said.

“Why aren’t you in the emergency department?” Flynn asked. 

“I’m going to take him there right after,” Ray said to her.

“You’re hurt,” Julie said. “Hold on.” Her hands pulsed with light, and suddenly the pain in his body faded and the scrapes on his hands completely disappeared. Even the agony in his wrist dropped to a dull throb. He knew it wasn’t healed, and the pain would probably come back like it had with Alex, but the difference was such a relief he almost felt lightheaded. 

“Thank you,” he said to her. 

“I missed you.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek. 

“We all did,” Flynn said. “We were worried.” 

“Why’d you run away?” Reggie asked. “Was it your fight with Alex?”

Willie didn’t have the first clue how to answer Reggie. Not without telling him everything. Ray came to his rescue. 

“Let him see Alex, because I need to take him to the ED to get his arm looked at.” 

The boys stood back so Willie could get closer to the bed, and then they left the room, probably to give him privacy. They were good like that; better friends than he deserved. 

His boyfriend was covered in tubes and wires, and he was very white against the mint green blanket. But he was breathing steadily, and he was _alive,_ and Willie knew he’d never seen anything more beautiful in his entire life. 

“Hey baby,” he whispered, stroking Alex’s face with his good hand. “How’re you doing?”

Alex’s incredible blue eyes opened. “Willie?”

“I’m here,” Willie said. His eyes welled up again. 

“Are you crying?” Alex asked. “Why are you sad?”

_So many things,_ Willie thought. “Because you’re in hospital.” 

“I’m okay,” Alex said, turning his face into Willie’s hand. “Rose healed me.” 

“Rose? You mean Julie’s mom?” Willie smiled; glad Alex was having good dreams. 

“Yeah,” Alex said. His words were slurring like he was very drunk. “She said I had to take care of you.” 

“Did she?” 

“Uh-huh.” Alex nodded. “You and the boys, and Ray and Carlos and Julie. Her whole family.” 

_Her family,_ It made him think of how Kamala had called Ray his dad, just like Willie was his kid and Ray didn’t correct her. _I don’t deserve that,_ he thought immediately. Not their forgiveness, and especially not their love. But oh God, how he wanted it.

“Sounds like you and Rose had a good conversation,” Willie said finally. 

“Reggie has a puppy,” Alex said, and Willie laughed softly. Those drugs were _strong._ Alex’s eyes closed, and moments later, he was asleep again. His chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. 

Willie sighed, wishing he didn’t have to go. But his wrist was still sore even after Julie’s zap. He looked up and caught Ray’s eye where he was standing just inside the glass doorway.

“I think we can let him sleep for a bit, hm?” Ray said. Willie nodded and they left the small room to join the cluster of kids outside. Ray pulled out his wallet and took out three twenties, giving them to Julie. “Why don’t you take everyone down to the food court, and I’ll take Willie to the ED to get his arm looked at. I’ll text you when we’re done.” 

Willie sighed again. Alex was very asleep and probably wouldn’t notice if Willie were there or not, but he hated leaving him. “Can we come back, after?” 

“We can hang out here all day if you like,” Ray said. “But first we need to get your arm checked.” 

They all trooped out to the elevators and then down. 

“Alex looked pretty good, didn’t he?” Reggie said into the silence that had descended on all of them. 

“The miracle of modern medicine,” Flynn said. 

“Oh, Willie!” Julie said suddenly, “Guess what the nurse told us! Alex is going to be okay!”

“Yeah!” Reggie said, equally as excited. “The nurse said that he’s all better. They just need to take him off his medications and he’ll be fine!” 

“He totally looked like he was going to die when he was in the emergency department,” Luke said with a grimace.

Willie winced, thinking of how long Alex had been in hospital, and how he’d only found out that morning because he hadn’t checked his phone. He felt horrible. Another thing he’d never be able to make better. 

“I’m glad…I’m really glad he’s better,” Willie said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here before.” 

“You’re here now.” Julie said to him as if him letting them all down didn’t matter.

He smiled tightly at her, emotions churning inside him. He’d let them _all_ down and yet they were all acting like it was okay. He couldn’t understand it. He leaned back against the wall of the elevator, feeling the ache in his arm that wasn’t anywhere near the fierce ache in his heart. A tear slipped down his cheek, then another. He didn’t even try to stop it. 

“We’re here,” Ray said softly as the elevator doors opened. He and Willie stepped out.

* * *

Willie was a mess. 

Ray’s heart broke as he gazed at the boy. He looked like he’d been dragged through a bush backwards, and then beaten with a branch for good measure. There was dirt on his face and more on his clothes, and he held himself too stiffly as he walked, as if his body hurt. It was painful just looking at the way Willie was holding his arm. Even to a non-medical person like Ray, it was very obvious it was broken. 

But more than his physical hurt was Willie’s emotional pain. Ray could feel it rolling off him: sadness and despair, like something was broken inside him. 

Willie was still crying in the waiting room: on and off, as if he wasn’t even aware of the tears rolling down his cheeks. The boy was going through something terrible, and Ray had no clue what it was. 

“So,” he said finally, not knowing where else to start, “are we going to talk about why you took my credit card?”

Willie immediately reached into his back pocket and gave it to Ray. It was obvious even that small movement caused him pain. Whatever zap Julie had given him wasn’t lasting. “I only used it to get breakfast. I’m really sorry.” 

Ray turned in his chair so he was facing Willie. “I don’t mind you using my credit card, it’s the stealing I have a problem with. Willie, what happened?”

Another tear rolled down Willie’s cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said again, like that was the answer Ray needed. “I won’t do it again. I promise.” 

“I’m sure you won’t,” Ray said, although he honestly knew no such thing. “But Willie, I need to understand _why._ Why did you take it instead of asking me for the money?”

Instead of answering, Willie sagged forward, good arm wrapped around his middle as if he was trying to hold himself together. He sobbed silently, shoulders shaking. 

Ray rubbed his back, unsure what he should do. The silence was especially unnerving; abused kids did that. “Hey, Willie,” he said. “Willie, it’s okay.” 

“It’s _not_ okay,” Willie wept. “I betrayed you. I betrayed _all of you._ I gave Julie and…and Luke and Reggie and _Alex_ to Caleb. They almost died and it’s all my fault. It’s all my fault!” 

This was not really a conversation Ray wanted to have in an emergency department waiting room. Then again, it was his fault for bringing it up. “Didn’t Caleb hurt you, too?”

“Yes,” Willie sniffled. “But it was only what I deserved.” 

That took Ray aback. “No one deserves to be hurt!” 

“I lied to Caleb,” Willie said, “but I also lied to you. And Julie and Alex. I’ve been lying to _everyone._ And I can’t be trusted. I’m just like Caleb.” 

That didn’t track at all. Ray tried to make sense of Willie’s words, but it was too hard to follow his train of thought. “I don’t understand.”

Willie sat up. His eyes were red and his face was blotchy with tears. He looked so much younger than his seventeen years. “I lied to Caleb about Julie’s Gift.” 

“Which is a good thing,” Ray said. “Because he wanted to use it.” 

“Yeah, but it wasn’t good for _Caleb,_ ” Willie said, like that mattered at all. 

“But it would’ve been worse for Julie, so lying to Caleb was a good thing,” Ray said. It felt like he was wandering through a maze.

“But Caleb thought I was his friend,” Willie said. 

“Caleb didn’t think you were friends,” Ray said angrily. “He knew exactly how he was manipulating you.”

Willie blinked. “He did?”

“Of course, he did!” Ray said, frustrated. “Julie told me that Caleb basically took you in right after you’d _died._ You were a new ghost, only seventeen. It must have been terrifying and Caleb took advantage of that! Of course, he manipulated you!” 

“I don’t remember,” Willie said, like he was confessing something terrible.

“You don’t remember what he did to you?” Ray asked. 

“Don’t remember dying,” Willie said. “I don’t remember anything that happened before I became a ghost.” 

Ray went very still. “Willie?”

“I don’t remember anything about my life before I died. And I’ve been lying to you about it. I’ve lied about all of it. And I’m so, so sorry.” He started crying again.

That was definitely a kick in the head, but Ray’s confusion was secondary to Willie’s despair. He wrapped his arms around Willie, holding him as tightly as he could without hurting his arm. Willie leaned against him, crying without sound like he’d done before. Ray was horribly certain it was something he’d had to learn to do when he lived with Caleb. He seethed with rage.

Ray had no idea why Willie had felt he needed to lie about his memories. Of course, Ray didn't know why Willie felt guilty about lying to Caleb either. The part about bringing his friends to Caleb, Ray kind of understood. But Willie hadn’t thought Caleb would hurt them. And from what Julie had told him, Willie hadn’t wanted Julie to return with him and Reggie to rescue Luke and Alex. Willie had a lot of guilt for things that really weren’t his fault. 

_¡Maldita rata bastarda!_ Ray thought fiercely. He wished he could have killed the ghost himself. He would have done it with his bare fucking hands. 

“It’s not your fault that Caleb hurt your friends. Julie told me how hard you tried to protect her, and you went back to get Luke and Alex, which is how you got hurt. You almost died for your friends, mijo. That’s brave.” 

“But I lied,” Willie said between his tears, “I lied to everyone.” 

“But you’re not lying _now_. And now that I know, we can help you get your memories back,” Ray murmured to Willie as he held him.

“You don’t understand!” Willie pulled away from him. “I don’t _want_ my memories back! I took your card because…because I _thought_ I wanted them back, but I don’t!” 

“You don’t?” Ray repeated, bewildered. 

“No! Because I forgot them for a reason, and I know what that reason is!”

Ray was pretty sure he wasn’t going to like the answer. “What’s the reason?”

“That I was a terrible person,” Willie said with breathtaking conviction. “I can’t remember who I was because I was too awful to remember.” 

Ray’s mouth fell open. What Willie just said was so fundamentally, unbelievably _wrong_ it was breathtaking. Ray had no idea how to respond. 

“William Ross?” A young man said. He was wearing blue scrubs and a pleasant expression. “The doctor can see you now.” His expression dropped as he took in Willie’s tear-stained face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Willie said with a broad smile that Ray only knew was fake because of how hard Willie had been crying a minute ago. He turned to Ray. “I’ll meet you back here when I’m done?”

“Don’t you want me to come with you?” Ray asked. 

“No, I’m good.” Willie grinned. “I’ll text you?” And then he was gone. 

“What the fuck just happened?” Ray muttered to himself. But he knew. 

Willie had opened up and then shut him out again. Willie still didn’t trust him.

And Ray had no idea what to do about it.

* * *

The doctor who saw Willie was named Petrović. He had brown hair and brown eyes and didn’t smile a lot, which suited Willie’s mood just fine. 

Petrović’s assessment of Willie’s arm _hurt,_ but Willie bore it stoically. He’d been through worse. Waiting for someone to take him to get the X-ray took forever, which wasn’t great because it left Willie alone with his thoughts. And his thoughts weren't very good.

Waiting for his arm to get casted took even longer than the X-ray, and it took everything he had to keep smiling and pretending he was all right. He chose black fiberglass because it perfectly matched his mood.

Finally, he was done. He thanked the nurse politely and she sent him back towards the first waiting room, where Ray was probably still waiting.

Willie really didn’t want to see him. 

It wasn’t fair, he knew. Ray hadn’t done anything wrong. But that was the problem. Ray seemed so okay with the fact Willie had stolen and lied. Caleb had tried to kill him for lying, but Ray was perfectly fine with it.

And then, when Willie had admitted why he had no memories, Ray hadn’t said anything. Like it wasn’t a problem Willie was so horrible he’d made himself forget who he used to be. 

None of it made any sense, and it made Willie nervous. 

_You know Ray,_ Willie reminded himself. He’d seen Ray interact with Julie for the last eleven years. He knew Ray had a temper, but he also knew Ray had never hurt his children. He did his best to be a good father. 

But then again, Willie wasn’t Ray’s kid. 

He had no idea what his own dad used to be like, but he knew Caleb, and Caleb had never shown the same face twice. Something Willie might’ve done that was fine one time would cause a whole world of hurt the second time Willie did it. Caleb was nasty and unpredictable and Willie had worked really hard to keep him happy. Ray seemed stable and predictable, but Willie had also thought Caleb was his friend. So maybe Willie wasn’t really the best judge of character.

_You don’t deserve any friends,_ he thought. He was still the same boy who’d trusted Caleb enough to bring Alex and the others right to him. He couldn’t just forget that. He needed to leave. To get on that bus like he’d intended and get the hell out of Los Angeles. 

But Alex was upstairs. 

Willie choked back a sob, reminding himself to be quiet. Caleb always hated it when he cried. Quickly he wiped his face and turned away from the waiting room, choosing a different exit. This one led out to the main lobby of the hospital and the front entrance. Willie didn’t know if he was going to go through the doors and leave, or not.

“Hey, Willie,” Julie said. She was sipping on some kind of fruit smoothie. 

“Oh, hey Julie,” Willie said with an automatic smile. “I thought you were in the food court with everyone?”

“Flynn said I should go to the lobby,” Julie said with a small shrug. “Guess she was right.” 

_Damn Flynn’s Gift._ “Right about what?” Willie said, smile still firmly in place. “That we’d meet up?”

“She wasn’t sure, because her Gift. But she thought it might have something to do with you running away again,” Julie said. “So, are you? Running away?”

All at once Willie couldn’t fake it anymore. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. A tear rolled down his cheek, followed quickly by another one. “I don’t know what I was going to do.” 

Julie’s face fell as she looked at him. “Let’s sit.” She took his good hand and led him to one of the comfortable looking love seats scattered around the foyer. They were built on a curve against a freestanding wall, leaving the space open but also giving privacy. Willie sagged against the soft vinyl and closed his eyes. Tears were still trickling down his cheeks, completely beyond his control. 

“Talk to me,” Julie said.

“It’s my fault Caleb almost killed you.”

“I kind of think it was _Caleb’s_ fault that Caleb almost killed me,” Julie said. “Besides, I don’t remember him being that nice to you.” 

Willie sighed. He was _so tired_ of trying to make people understand. “I thought he was my friend.” 

“And I thought Carrie Wilson was my friend. And you didn’t blame me for the way she treated me.” 

“Carrie was a total bitch to you. She kicked you out of Dirty Candy when your mother was dying!” Willie said.

“And Caleb nearly killed you,” Julie replied. “It’s not our fault if we trust people who actually shouldn’t be trusted.” 

“I should’ve known,” Willie whispered. He wiped a tear off his cheek with his left hand. They were still sliding, unchecked, down his face. “I saw the bad shit he’d done. I should’ve known.” 

“Maybe?” Julie shrugged. “But you didn’t. Trusting someone isn’t a problem, Willie. It’s what that person does with your trust, and Caleb betrayed yours. Can’t you see he’s the bad guy here?”

“I really thought he was going to help them,” Willie said. “I knew I couldn’t bring you there, but I thought it would be safe for them.” 

“I remember how you tried to protect me,” Julie said, taking his left hand. 

That was true. He had tried to protect her. He'd just been too stupid to see the danger until it was too late. But Julie still wasn’t understanding what a terrible person he was. “I stole a credit card from your dad.” 

“I know. Dad told me. But I’m sure you had a good reason for it.” 

“I didn’t even do anything with it. Except buy some breakfast.”

“Then why’d you take it?”

I was going to…” He sighed. 

“Going to what?”

“Try to get my memories back,” he confessed. “I was going to find someone with the right kind of mental Gift and pay them to get me back my memories.” 

“Your memories?” Julie repeated. 

“My memories. Because they’re gone. Everything from before. I don’t even remember how I died.” 

“I thought you were hit by a car.”

“I lied,” Willie said, the words burning in his throat. “I’ve been lying about everything. Because I didn’t want you to know.” 

“That you couldn’t remember anything?” Julie’s expression was eloquent in her confusion. “Why wouldn’t you want me to know that?”

“ _Because I made myself forget!_ ” Willie said fiercely. “Don’t you understand? I must have been such a terrible person that I made myself forget who I was before I died!”

Julie blinked at his tirade. “Wait. You think you can’t remember anything because you were so horrible that you…stopped _remembering?_ ”

“Yes!” Willie said, relieved that she finally understood. 

But she was still confused. “I don’t even know what to say to that.” 

“But it’s true! And you _know_ it’s true! It’s the reason why Caleb wanted me to work for him. Because I must’ve been just like him! And I couldn’t stand it, so I forgot!” 

“Is that a ghost thing? Because that's not how it works with lifers. Willie, how can you possibly think that’s true?”

“Because why else wouldn’t I have any memories of anything? It’s been thirty years since I died, and there’s still nothing! Why would I be like this, except if I did it to myself?”

“Because people don’t just forget stuff that they don’t like!” Julie said, “I remember everything that happened the year my mother died. _Everything!_ Don’t you think I would’ve forgotten it if I could’ve?”

That caught Willie up short. He remembered being with Julie as Rose wilted and faded away: sitting with her while she cried and screamed and cursed God and the Universe, and how helpless he'd felt to make her feel better. “I remember that, too.” 

“Did you _like_ it?” Julie asked hotly. 

“No,” Willie said honestly. “It was terrible.” 

“And yet, you remember,” Julie said. 

It was like a smack across the face. Almost against his will, Willie’s mind started reaching for all the memories he’d made over the last thirty years. So many of them were hard, or tragic, or painful, or downright terrifying. And yet they were all there, untouched and complete. 

“Why can’t I remember?” he whispered. If he hadn’t forgotten anything else, why had he forgotten his own past? His mind was whirling. 

“I bet Caleb did it to you,” Julie said. 

“Caleb?” Willie felt sick at the idea. He’d _trusted_ Caleb. “But why?”

“Because you’re exactly the type of person who _wouldn’t_ work for him, otherwise.” She made it sound like a fact. 

His heart was pounding. Her words felt like absolution. “You don’t know that,” he said. But God, he wanted her to be right.

“You’ve been my best friend since I was five. Do you think I’m stupid?” She frowned at him. 

“No! But—”

“No, Willie. You are the best man I’ve ever met, besides my father. And if you think for _one minute_ that you could be _anything_ like Caleb…Jesus, now I’m crying.” She wiped her eyes. 

He hugged her then, holding her as tightly as his casted wrist would allow. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“Right back atcha,” she said against his chest. 

_Caleb took away my memories._ The idea was like a bitter taste on the back of his tongue. “I need to get them back.” 

“I bet Alison knows someone,” Julie said.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, things get a little rough again, but it will end well! I promise... 
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings as they are 100% chapter spoilers.
> 
> BBE - Best Beta Ever! [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet)
> 
> * * *

Alex was dying to text Willie.

He’d been moved to the medical surgical ward the evening before after the nurses had weaned him off whatever drugs they’d had him on. It was the strangest feeling: he’d woken up like a fog had lifted from his brain. It’d turned out he’d been in the hospital for over a day, and he could barely remember any of it. 

They’d watched him like a hawk for the whole day, checking his vital signs every hour or so until they were sure he wasn’t actually going to die right in front of them. They’d taken out the tube they’d put in his nose which went into his stomach, which was both super gross and really uncomfortable when it came out. But his reward was some real food that didn’t even taste horrible. He’d been _starving_ by then, and his nurse Kamala was practically giddy with how much he ate. 

Turned out most of her patients were unconscious with breathing tubes, so getting to watch him sit up and eat was a new experience for her. As soon as he’d eaten a whole meal and drunk two glasses of water, Kamala discontinued one of the IVs on the back of his left hand and changed the one on his right to something called a ‘saline lock,’ which was part of his ‘we’re still worried you might die,’ treatment. 

The next thing she removed was the foley catheter, which now ranked number one of the top ten most embarrassing experiences of Alex’s life. Kamala didn’t seem to care about it too much, but Alex couldn’t look her in the eye for at least thirty minutes afterwards. 

Ray came to visit him, and that had been great, especially since he brought him clothes, a toothbrush, his cell phone and _more food._ He’d wanted to leave with him immediately, but Kamala said he had to spend one more night there, “just in case”. That sucked. But Ray explained to him exactly how bad he’d been, which was actually kind of frightening. Alex stopped complaining after that.

It was really weird to think about how close he’d come to dying. He was very glad he couldn’t remember any of it.

Ray had come alone because the rest of the gang had gone to school. It turned out he’d been in the hospital from Saturday night to Monday, even though the last clear memory he had was screaming in Reggie’s arms. 

Ray had also told him everyone had visited him on Sunday, and he’d even had a conversation with Willie, but Alex couldn’t remember any of it. He missed Willie so much. It was like a constant ache thrumming with his heartbeat. _Willie,_ his heart pounded, _Willie, Willie, Willie._

Ray had also told him that in the end, the doctors had thought his pain and his subsequent illness was from a severe infection. Alex had no idea how he could've gotten an infection that bad in his leg, but it was as good an explanation as any. And the antibiotics must have worked, because he was completely out of pain. 

He could start running again, and playing the drums. Maybe as soon as next week. The idea made him  
smile.

Ray had stayed until dinnertime, then he’d left and Alex had gone to sleep. Even though all he’d been doing was sleeping, he was still tired. It was way easier to fall asleep on the busy ward than he’d thought. 

But morning had finally come. He’d gotten dressed in his street clothes, sighed about his really greasy hair, but he hadn't been able to just leave. His new nurse, Jennifer, was way crustier than Kamala had been, and she’d told him he had to wait until he was seen by a doctor before she’d take out his last IV and let him go home. He’d asked if his sister was working, but Jennifer didn’t know. Alex was pretty sure she hadn’t checked either, but whatever. 

Ray had said he’d be back around the time the doctor would come by, so Alex wouldn’t have to wait too long. He’d asked him to bring Willie. He could hardly wait to see him. 

The doctor had come in right after Alex had the hospital breakfast. She’d said he was good to go. And then the crusty nurse had come in to finally take out his last IV, but Ray wasn't there yet. 

Alex was lying on the bed, phone in his hand, waiting for the battery level to turn green so he could actually use it. Ray told him that Luke had found it on the floor of the studio with the battery totally drained, but no one had thought to charge it before they’d brought it to him. 

He wanted to see the texts he was sure Willie had sent; wanted to hear Willie’s voice. He just wanted to go home so badly and be with his boyfriend. He missed him so much. 

“Come on!” he muttered at the phone, waiting for that funny broken ring to show him the phone was charged enough to turn on. It took _forever_ but finally, it was there. 

His face lit up as he keyed in his code and opened his phone, immediately pulling up his last text conversation with Willie. 

_Alex, I love you so much, but we can’t be together. I’m leaving LA this morning and I won’t be back. Please take care of yourself._

“What?” Alex asked softly as he read the text, then reread it, then reread it again. He checked the time stamp on the message. Willie had sent it on Sunday morning, after Alex had been in hospital the entire night. 

Willie had left LA? Hadn’t Ray said that Willie had come to see him in hospital? He couldn’t remember if Willie had visited him. Had Ray lied to keep him from getting upset?

Had Willie broken up with him?

Alex’s breath stuttered in his lungs. He was suddenly very glad all the wires had been taken off his chest. His heart was pounding so hard the nurses would think he was dying. 

He got off the bed, shoved his phone into his back pocket, and began to pace in the small room, going straight to the catwalk like Luke and Reggie always bugged him about. But he had to pace. He had to _move,_ before his heart clawed its way out of his chest and his lungs shrivelled. 

_Why?_ The word buzzed around and around in Alex’s head: angry bees that wouldn’t settle. He must have said something, done _something_ that had been Willie’s final straw. Was it because of their fight? Was it because he’d gotten _sick?_ Maybe Willie had been around death so long, he couldn’t stand Alex being in hospital. 

Maybe Willie just got bored with how young and naïve and _stupid_ Alex was, compared to all the sophisticated ghosts Willie had hung out with at Caleb’s Club. 

Maybe Alex had never been good enough for him. 

Maybe Willie had never loved him at all.

Alex raked his hands through his hair, tugging on the strands. He scrubbed his face, then did it again. He was wearing the pink-and-purple running shoes he’d bought--with _Willie_ —and all he wanted to do was take off running. The walls of his room were closing in and the space was too small and the _air_ was too thin to breathe—

“Hey, Sparky!” Willie bounced into the room and immediately took Alex into his arms. “I missed you so much,” he whispered against his cheek. 

Alex’s brain completely shorted out. He hugged Willie back, mind reeling. “You missed me?”

“Of course.” Willie laughed. “Didn’t you miss me? Or were you having too much fun with all the handsome nurses? Although I didn’t see too many on this floor…”

_But you broke up with me,_ Alex wanted to say, but it was like his mouth wasn’t connected to his brain. He couldn’t understand what was happening. 

“I got your discharge papers and prescriptions from your nurse,” Ray said as he entered the room. He was grinning broadly, like Alex’s entire world hadn’t just come crashing down. “You ready to go?”

“Oh yeah, of course,” Alex said, dredging up what he hoped was a convincing smile. He wasn't ready to sort out _whatever_ it was that was going on with Willie right there in the hospital. “I really want to go home.” 

“And I really want you there.” Willie’s brown eyes were sparkling with happiness. He took Alex’s hand. 

Alex let him, like everything was fine. 

Willie squeezed his hand gently. He looked so happy to have Alex with him. 

But Willie had broken up with him. Hadn’t he?

Alex had no idea.

* * *

Ray stopped and bought them lunch at a fast-food burger place. Alex thought he’d be too anxious to eat, with the text from Willie playing over and over in his head like a skipping CD. But it turned out he was actually ravenous. 

He ate two combos and then the rest of Ray’s fries, and Willie laughed at him but with so much love and affection that Alex honestly thought his head was going to explode. 

He didn’t _get_ it. Willie insisted that Alex sit with him, making Ray act like some kind of taxi driver while they snuggled in the back seat. “I missed you,” Willie murmured against his ear. “I hated every second you were in hospital.” 

_Then why did you break up with me?_ It was on the tip of Alex’s tongue, but he kept the words trapped behind his teeth. Everything Willie was doing was like, A+ boyfriend material. Sweet and loving and super affectionate, and all Alex wanted to do was sink into it. 

But that _text._

“I’m really happy you’re better,” Ray said to him, yet again, as they went back to the car after lunch. “Having you the hospital was…” he shook his head. “Well, let’s just say I much prefer you being healthy.” 

“Thanks Ray,” Alex said, ducking his head as he blushed. Ray clearly gave a shit about him, which was kind of awesome. Alex liked Ray a lot; and if he was being honest, sort of maybe thought about Ray being kind of maybe like his dad? It was cool to think the liking might be mutual.

Willie dragged him into the backseat again, still grinning widely. Willie hadn’t stopped smiling since they’d picked up Alex from the hospital. “I can hardly wait to get you home,” Willie whispered against his mouth before kissing him soundly. 

Alex returned the kiss, pressing up against Willie with all the pent-up longing from the last few days they’d been apart. 

_He broke up with you,_ hissed through Alex’s brain. He pulled back. 

“Alex?” Willie ran his hand through Alex’s hair. 

“Its just…Ray,” Alex said lamely. Ray had come around to the drivers’ seat and was putting on his seatbelt in a huge show of "not paying attention". 

“Right.” Willie winked at him. He settled into his seat and put on his seatbelt and Alex did the same. Ray started the car and Willie took Alex’s hand, his thumb rubbing a soft pattern into his skin. Every time Alex caught his eye, Willie beamed at him like this was the best day of his life. 

_Maybe I should just forget about it,_ Alex wondered as Willie kissed the back of his hand. It would be super simple for him to just…erase that message and act like he’d never read it. He stroked Willie’s cheek, feeling the edge of the delicate bone, the soft shell of his ear. He moved his hand down Willie’s jaw to his neck and the gentle slope of his shoulder. “I love you,” pushed past his teeth almost against his will. He couldn’t keep the words in. 

“I love you too, Sparky.” Willie smiled into his eyes. 

That decided it. Alex wouldn’t ask Willie about why he sent that text. He’d erase it and pretend it never happened. He loved Willie way too much to bring it up. It probably didn’t matter. 

Alex traced the lines of Willie’s shoulder down his arm. His hand bumped into something hard half-way to his hand. “ _Did you break your wrist?_ ”

“I kind of got hit by a car?” Willie said. 

“What?” Alex shrieked, “when did this happen?” 

“We’re here,” Ray said, pulling into the driveway. Suddenly the car was swarmed by Julie, Luke, Reggie, Flynn and Carlos, and Willie never got the chance to answer.

* * *

They were half way through pizza dinner when Willie remembered the text message.

Willie’s eyes snapped to Alex; suddenly terrified Alex had already seen it. But his boyfriend was laughing at something Reggie had said. He looked just the same as he ever had. 

_Maybe he hasn’t read it?_ Willie thought back to when he and Ray fetched Alex from the hospital and brought him home. Had Alex been acting weird? Willie had been so excited to be with him that he wasn’t sure he’d even have noticed. 

He knew Alex wasn’t happy he’d been hit by a car, and Willie hoped Alex wouldn’t bring it up. Alex just got out of hospital and Willie was going to take care of him, not the other way around. 

But there was no way in hell Willie was going to let Alex know he’d wanted to break up with him and leave LA forever. It would hurt Alex _so much,_ and Alex didn’t deserve any of it. Willie had already let Alex down by not knowing he was in hospital. He wasn’t ever going to hurt Alex again. Alex was his _everything._. He was going to erase that text. 

He knew Alex had had his phone back for a while. Luke had found it in the studio and Ray had brought it to him when he visited on Monday. And knowing Alex, the phone was sitting comfortably against that fine ass in the back of his jeans. Only, how could Willie get it?

“So, your leg is totally fine?” Luke asked Alex. “Like, start practicing with the band again, fine?”

“Yep!” Alex said happily. “the doctor said to give it about a week to make sure it was all good, but after that I could go back to my regular activities.” 

“Yes! The band is back!” Reggie hi-fived Luke. 

“I don’t even think I need a week, really,” Alex continued. “I mean, it feels fine, and I think going for a run would probably be a good way to test it.” 

Ray’s face told him exactly what he thought of that idea. “Alex, you were literally in the ICU the day before yesterday. I think waiting a bit to go for a run isn’t a big deal.” 

“But I haven’t been running for a whole _week,_ ” Alex whined. Willie couldn’t help but laugh. He was so fucking cute.

“If you wait a week, I’ll go running with you,” Willie said. He hadn’t gone running after he died, and of course he didn’t remember if he liked running before, but he liked boarding well enough, so maybe he’d like running? Besides, he loved spending time with Alex. 

“Me, too!” Reggie piped up. Luke smacked him. “What?”

“You hate running. You nearly died in gym class, remember?”

“That was twenty-five years ago,” Reggie said, miffed. “A man can change.” 

“We should start a running club!” Julie said excitedly. “It would help us build up our cardio for the band!” 

Somehow, Willie's offer ended up in a plan for Alex’s first post-hospital run to include everyone except Carlos and Ray. Ray, however, had relented and let them plan it for Sunday morning, rather than having to wait a full seven days. 

“I don’t think I have anything cute to wear running,” Flynn said thoughtfully. 

“You could borrow one of my T-shirts,” Reggie said with complete doe eyes. 

“What are we going to call our running club?” Julie asked. “Julie and the Fast Ones?” 

“Flynn’s Fleet-Footed Foxes!” Flynn said gleefully. 

“I like Julie and the Fast Ones,” Luke said. 

Reggie opened his mouth. “Let me guess who’s name you’re voting for,” Alex said with a laugh.

“Flynn’s,” Reggie conceded immediately. Flynn blew him a kiss. 

“I think you should call it the Losers’ Running Club,” Carlos said. “Way more accurate.” That earned him a pinch on the arm from Julie. 

The conversation about what to call the new running club went on for a while, and Willie let the words roll over him as he tried to figure out how to get Alex’s phone. Suddenly, inspiration struck. “We should get a picture of the runners!” he said. “Alex, give me your phone.” 

“Where’s yours?” Alex asked even as he reached into his back pocket and handed Willie his phone. 

“It’s not charged enough,” Willie lied. He looked at it. “Can you unlock it for me?”

“You can take pictures while it’s locked,” Julie said helpfully. She took it out of Willie’s hands and slid up the lock screen to expose the camara function. “There you go.” 

“Let me,” Ray said, also taking the phone from Willie. “It’ll be easier for me without a broken wrist, and you can be in the picture.” 

Willie had no choice but to acquiesce or look weird. He went and stood beside Alex, immediately wrapping his arm around his shoulder. Alex leaned into him and kissed his cheek. 

“Alex, you moved!” Ray complained. “Now I need to take it again. Say cheese.” 

“Cheese!” they all chorused. Ray took about a hundred photos before handing Alex back his phone. “Please send me the best ones.” 

“Send them to all of us,” Flynn commanded. “I want to make that my next Instagram post for the band.” 

“As soon as I’ve had a chance to decide which ones are the best,” Alex said as he looked through them. “Ray, you take good photos.” 

“Well, it is part of my job description,” Ray said with a chuckle. 

They all sat back down and finished eating. Every time Willie looked up, Alex was looking at him, his big blue eyes full of warmth. Willie smiled back, heart swelling. Alex was home, safe, healthy and well and Willie loved him so much it hurt. _I can’t let him read that text,_ he thought. He didn’t want anything to jeopardize his relationship with Alex. He’d rather die than lose him. 

He’d erase that text, and he’d do it tonight. He just had to figure out how.

* * *

Alex was kissing Willie before the door to the studio was even fully closed. 

Willie sighed happily, loving the feeling of Alex against him: The way his lean muscles moved under his hands; the way his Gift made him such an expert kisser. 

“I missed you,” Alex breathed against his ear as he started mouthing Willie’s earlobe. Willie had no idea where Alex would’ve learned that, but he was totally into it. 

They moved together to the pull-out couch, mouths barely parting until Alex fell backwards onto it, pulling Willie with him. 

“Are you okay?” Willie gasped, remembering how much pain Alex had been in. 

“Fine. I’m fine.” Alex grabbed Willie’s collar, slotting their mouths together. 

Willie kissed him back and straddled Alex’s hips. He could feel how turned on Alex was and he bit his lip. “You really did miss me.” 

Alex laughed, then groaned as their hips moved together. “Why do you have on so many clothes?”

“I could fix that.” Willie grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled it over his head in one movement. He didn’t even catch it on his cast.

Alex went still, eyes roaming over Willie’s torso. “Willie?”

Willie looked down, seeing the dark bruising on his left side where he was hit by the car. “It’s fine. It doesn’t even hurt.” 

“It has to hurt,” Alex said, lightly touching the bruise over his ribs. Willie flinched at the sudden burst of pain. “Willie!” 

“It’s fine,” Willie repeated and leaned forward to kiss Alex again.

Alex turned his head. “Willie, I can’t mess around with you. You’re hurt.” 

Willie huffed out a frustrated noise as he moved off Alex’s hips to lie beside him on the bed. “I’ll feel a lot better with you touching me,” he said, biting his lip in the way he knew Alex loved.

Alex literally groaned looking at him. “I don’t want you to be hurt.” 

“Not being with you hurts more,” Willie said. He rolled onto his side and nuzzled Alex’s neck. 

“Okay, I’m convinced,” Alex said with a moan that went straight to Willie’s groin. He sat up just enough to pull off his own T-shirt. “Oh my God,” he said after a moment. “I _stink!_ ”

It was unfortunately very true. Whatever the doctors and nurses had done for Alex in the hospital, it obviously hadn’t included soap and water. It was a bit of a mood killer. “Did you want to take a shower?”

“Hells yeah,” Alex said. He raked his hand through his hair and grimaced. “I am seriously a ball of grossness right now.”

“You’re still pretty cute.” Willie grinned at him. 

Alex smirked. “Luckily you’re easy to please.” He stripped off his shoes, jeans and socks, his movements as easy and graceful as they’d always been. Willie didn’t know how much was Alex’s Gift or how much was just him, but watching Alex move was amazing. 

His body was also a total thing of beauty, even in boring white boxer-briefs. “You don’t need to stop on my account.”

“Considering how bad the rest of me smells, I am _not_ taking off my underwear,” Alex said primly. “I’ll see you after my shower?”

“I could join you,” Willie said with a wink. But he’d realized that Alex had dropped his jeans on the bed, his phone still in his back pocket. He wouldn’t get a better opportunity. “Actually,” he said quickly, “I probably shouldn’t because of my cast. I’ll change the sheets on the bed in the loft. Meet you there?” 

“That sounds awesome,” Alex said. He bent over and kissed Willie, and it was good enough that Willie almost decided that he didn’t care about the text or even how rank Alex was. “See you in the loft.” He went to the bathroom. 

Willie allowed himself a moment to admire Alex’s ass in the thin cloth of his briefs before grabbing Alex’s phone out of his pocket. 

It was locked. 

“Fuck,” Willie swore softly. 

He had no idea what Alex’s four-digit code could possibly be. 

It was hard to type with his right hand covered with a cast, but he managed to input "1995".

The phone buzzed in his hand and the circles went blank again. Willie bit his lip. _Think!_ he commanded himself. Alex was sweet and sentimental, he wouldn’t use the year they _died._ It was a bad first guess. 

He thought about everything he’d learned about Alex in the last few weeks. It wasn’t much. Thanks to Willie’s reluctance to speak about his past, Alex hadn’t really, either. But he did remember Alex telling him about watching _Star Wars_ with Luke, Reggie and Bobby when they were all in grade one. 

"1984". 

The phone buzzed again. 

“Fuck!” Willie repeated. He didn’t know how many tries he’d have until the phone locked him out. If he did that, Alex would know for sure. _I should wait and get him to unlock it,_ Willie thought. But how could he get Alex to do that without being suspicious? 

_You could just tell him._ Willie shook his head before the thought was even finished. He couldn’t just tell Alex he’d sent a break up text! He was lucky enough as it was that Alex hadn’t seen it yet. Alex would be devastated if he knew Willie had intended to break up with him. There was no way Willie would let him get hurt, especially when Willie had been so stupid to send the text in the first place. 

But first he had to figure out his passcode. 

He licked his lips, trying to think. What year did the movie NeverEnding story come out? _1984_ he remembered. Willie closed his eyes in frustration. He’d already tried that year. Maybe it was letters?

“Luke,” he muttered as he spelled out Luke’s first name. It was the first one he could think of that was only four letters. The phone buzzed. “Damn!” Reggie was too long; Bob or Rob was too short. He tried "Bobb" just in case, but no joy. 

He typed "Alex", next, just in case his boyfriend was a lot more vain than he seemed, and that didn’t work either. 

He puffed out a breath, and then spelled "Juls", as a hail Mary. 

The phone told him he was locked out for a minute. 

“Fuck!” He checked over his shoulder, but the bathroom door was closed. He still had time. 

The minute passed with agonizing slowness. Finally, the phone let him know he could try again. Willie paused. Wasn’t there something where the phone would erase all its information if you tried the wrong passcode too many times? He didn’t know how many times that would be. He hadn’t needed a cell phone when he was dead. 

_I’ll try three more times,_ he decided. He wasn’t sure how many he’d already tried, but he figured that wouldn’t be too many. He checked the bathroom door again, then wiped his sweaty palms on the leg of his pants. 

What the fuck was Alex’s code?

Star.

The phone buzzed. “Damnit!”

Willie thought about trying “Wars” next, but then dismissed it. That was Reggie’s favourite movie, not Alex’s. _What was the name of the main character in NeverEnding story?_ Willie couldn’t remember. 

He drummed his fingernails on the back of Alex’s phone, trying to think of something, _anything_ that would make sense. 

Drum.

The phone buzzed. 

Willie gritted his teeth. This next try would be his last, unless he wanted to risk all of Alex’s data being erased. Although, now that Willie thought about it, maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing? It would probably get rid of all his text messages…

“Willie?” Alex was standing by the sofa bed. He was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a pink T-shirt. His hair looked like he’d combed it with his fingers. “What are you doing with my phone?”

* * *

Alex took the fastest shower of his life. 

He got out, dried himself off and skidded out of the bathroom on wet feet, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist. His leg didn’t hurt. _Nothing_ hurt. He felt healthy and amazing and he could wait to sink into his boyfriend’s arms. 

Willie was still sitting on the pull-out couch, still without his shirt. The bruises on his left side were dark purple, the cast even darker, and Alex shuddered as he imagined Willie being hit by a car hard enough to do that. He was holding a cell phone in his hand. 

A cell phone with a pink case. _Alex’s_ phone. Alex paused in confusion. What was Willie doing with his phone? 

Quietly, Alex grabbed his clean clothes out of the basket and got dressed. He didn’t know what was going on, but instinct told him he didn’t want to be naked for it.

Willie hadn’t even noticed him; he was too focussed on the phone. He put in a code, and the phone buzzed. 

“Damnit!” Willie swore. He punched in another code. The phone buzzed again.

Alex’s heart plummeted. “Willie? What are you doing with my phone?”

Willie whipped his head around. Guilt flashed through his eyes, almost too fast for Alex to catch before his expression morphed into an easy smile. “Oh, hey, Alex, your phone rang. I was just checking who it was so I could tell you.” 

The lie was so smooth, Alex knew he’d never have known without actually seeing Willie messing with his phone. “You were trying to unlock it. I saw you.” 

Willie put the phone carefully down on the bed. He picked up his discarded shirt and put it back on. “I wasn’t,” he said after he’d pulled his hair out of the collar. “I never touched your lock screen.” 

Willie’s face was a study in innocence, and for a moment Alex had the jarring thought that maybe he’d gotten it wrong. Had he _really_ seen Willie trying to unlock his screen? He picked up his phone from the bed and checked his notifications. “No one called.” 

“I must have misheard.” Willie smiled that devastating smile of his, then stood and smoothed his hands over Alex’s shoulders, leaving them resting on his chest. He bit his lip in the way that Alex knew he knew made him crazy. “Are you sure you want to keep arguing about this?”

Alex really, really didn’t. He wanted to grab Willie and get him naked and back on the bed. _You could just let it go,_ he thought. Even if Willie had been trying to unlock his phone, was that really so bad? It wasn’t like Alex had anything to hide…

_Alex, I love you so much, but we can’t be together. I’m leaving LA this morning and I won’t be back. Please take care of yourself._

Alex’s eyes widened as the realization hit him. He pushed Willie away. 

Willie’s smile faltered. “Alex?”

“The text! You were searching my phone for the break up text!”

“What break up text?” Willie said with the same easy smile. 

_That smile means he’s lying,_ Alex realized as he looked at Willie’s expression. That open, easy smile was Willie’s default expression when he lied. He’d seen it first when Willie had lied to Caleb about Julie, but he hadn’t realized how often he’d seen it since then. Not until this moment. “You know exactly what text I’m talking about. The one you sent Sunday morning when I was in hospital. The one where you said you were leaving LA. That we couldn’t be together.”

A complex series of expressions crossed Willie’s face. “But I don’t want to break up with you!” he said with a small laugh, “Maybe Reggie or Luke got my phone—”

“Do _not_ bring them into this!” Alex said, angry now. “Willie, I know you sent it!” 

“But why would I—"

“ _Don’t lie!_ ” Alex shouted. He grabbed his phone off the bed and unlocked it. He keyed up the text with shaking hands and thrust it into Willie’s face. “It’s there. It’s _right there!_ You broke up with me! _Don’t lie!_ ”

“Alex,” Willie said, stricken. “I didn’t mean it. You gotta believe me.” 

“Like I should believe you that you didn’t send it in the first place? Or you weren’t trying to unlock my phone?” The shaking in Alex’s hands had spread to his whole body. The air thickened in his lungs, his heart beating a faster rhythm than he could play. _Willie lied to you,_ was a litany in his head, over and over and over. 

He started to pace, the anxiety rippling like insects under his skin. He raked his hands through his hair, the strands cool and damp between his fingers. His boyfriend had lied to him. He was a liar. He’d lied about the text and then lied about wanting to break up. Maybe nothing he’d said was true. Maybe he’d lied about loving Alex at all. 

“Alex.” Willie stepped in front of him, hands out to touch. “Alex, you’re having an anxiety attack. You need to breathe.” 

“You lied to me!” Alex shoved him out of his way. “You’ve been lying to me about _everything!_ ”

“I haven’t!” Willie protested. “I love you!” 

“ _You don’t love me!_ ” Alex yelled. “Stop _lying!_ ” The air was too heavy for him to breathe. He couldn’t _breathe._ He found his shoes and slipped them on. 

“Alex, no! I’m sorry. I’m really sorry! I love you! I’m not lying!” Willie’s voice was plaintive. “Please, don’t leave!” 

“I don’t…I can’t!” Alex forced out. His throat was tight, his lungs a solid, unmoving mass. If he didn’t move right _now_ he would to die. 

He yanked open the studio doors and took off running.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys fight. Truths are told. It's Willie's turn to meet an old friend, and there is (finally) light at the end of Willie's dark tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the end, my friends! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, commenting and kudo-ing this fic! It's such a pleasure to know that people are enjoying it. This wonderful feedback keeps me wanting to write. 
> 
> Hover over this for trigger warnings that would otherwise totally spoil the last chapter.
> 
> I want to, once again, thank my incredible beta [ Taste_is_Sweet.](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_is_Sweet/pseuds/Taste_is_Sweet) This fic is better because of her talent. You'll like her writing, I promise!
> 
> * * *

He’d really fucked up.

Willie watched as his boyfriend pulled his shoes on over his bare feet and ran from him like the devil was hot on his heels. 

Which was probably true, considering Willie had taken off after him. 

What the _fuck_ had he been thinking? Lying to Alex like that? But he hadn’t been thinking; Alex had caught him with his phone and he’s straight-up panicked. 

He’d seen the look in Alex’s eyes, the confusion and disappointment, and it was like his brain just stopped working. 

And then he’d lied. _Again._ He really was exactly as bad as Caleb had been. No matter what Julie thought. 

“Alex! Alex, _wait!_ ” Willie shouted after Alex’s retreating back. The curved driveway from the studio to the front of the house wasn’t very long, and the metal gate at the top was open. Alex didn’t even pause as he barreled through on his way to the sidewalk. 

Alex was _fast._ His Gift made him incredibly good at physical stuff as it was, and he was a natural runner. His longer legs didn’t hurt any, either. But Alex was also in the middle of an anxiety attack which was throwing off his gait, and Willie was highly motivated to stop him. 

Willie put on a burst of speed and just managed to grab Alex’s arm with his left hand as they both reached the end of the driveway. “Alex! _Alex!_ You have to listen to me!” 

“ _Let go of me!_ ” Alex tried to yank his arm out of Willie’s grasp. 

Willie held on to him. “Alex, listen to me. Please! Let me explain—”

Alex hit him. 

Apparently, throwing a solid punch was something Alex’s Gift also made him very good at. Pain exploded through Willie’s nose and he cried out as he reeled back. His hands immediately went to his face, so he smacked himself with his cast. He tasted the blood before he felt it: hot and slippery between his fingers. 

It was the first time he could remember bleeding in thirty years. 

The surprise made his legs go rubbery and he sat down on the pavement. His face was throbbing. 

“Willie?” Alex said, voice high and tight. “Are you okay?”

“I think you broke my nose,” Willie said. 

“Oh my God,” Alex breathed. “Oh my God! I need to call an ambulance!” 

“No,” Willie put his hand around Alex’s wrist, leaving a small streak of blood. It looked nearly black in the dusk’s low light. “No, it’s okay. I deserved it.” His eyes were watering from the pain. At least he thought it was from the pain. There was a good chance he’d started crying. 

“You need help,” Alex said, voice still too high. “I’m going to get Julie—”

“I don’t need Julie!” Willie said forcefully. “I deserved this!” 

Alex sat down beside him. “Willie?” 

“I lied to you,” Willie said. “I _did_ send that text, and I _was_ trying to get into your phone. And I lied to you about it. I’m like Caleb. I’m a thief and a liar, just like him. So yes, I deserved this!” 

Alex’s beautiful blue eyes were filled with confusion and hurt. “You wanted to break up with me?”

“No!” Willie said immediately, “God, no!”

Alex’s confused expression didn’t change. “Then why did you send it?”

Willie swallowed. His mouth was tinged with the bitter copper taste of blood. But it was answering Alex’s question that was making him feel sick. 

“Because…because I’m a bad person,” Willie forced out before he lost his nerve. He didn’t want Alex to hear it, but he had to tell him the truth. He owed Alex that much, even if it meant Alex left him. 

“Bad person? What?” Alex asked. “How are you a bad person?”

“I lied to you! I lie all the time! And I stole Ray’s credit card. I don’t think that makes me very good.”

Alex licked his lips, considering. “Well, you certainly won’t get boy scout of the year. But I don’t think that makes you a bad per—”

“I don’t have any memories,” Willie interrupted him, “because I’m so terrible that I made myself forget.” It was almost the same thing he’d said to Julie. She’d told him it wasn’t true, but he didn't believe her. He couldn’t believe her. A good person wouldn’t lie to his boyfriend. 

“Wait. What?” 

“I don’t have any memories!” Willie repeated. “I can’t remember _anything_ that happened before I died! And there’s no good reason for that. Unless I did it to myself!” Julie had said Caleb had done it to him, but she had no proof of that, and Willie knew what he was. He was the one to blame.

“You can’t remember anything from before you died?” Alex asked, aghast.

“No! It’s gone. It’s all gone! I even stole my last name and my birthday from a gravestone! I stole—" His voice broke on a sob. 

Alex wrapped him in his arms and Willie clung to him. Feeling awful and so guilty for making Alex take care of him, when Alex had just had a panic attack Willie had caused. There was no way Alex would love him now. “I’m sorry,” he wept, “I’m so sorry. I lied to you. I didn’t want you to see that text. Because I didn’t want to hurt you. But I _did_ hurt you. Because all I do is hurt.”

“That’s not true,” Alex said. “You’re sweet and kind and _good._ You’re so good, Willie. You can’t think you’re a bad person. You can’t!” 

“I’m like Caleb. I’m just like Caleb. He hurt you, and now I have, too.”

“I think the way Caleb hurt me was a little different. Willie, you can’t believe you’re a bad person.” 

“But I took you to Caleb!” Willie pushed away from Alex. “And he nearly killed you! If it hadn’t been for me—”

“You thought he was going to help us! You didn’t know what he was going to do.” 

“I should’ve known.” 

“Or, Caleb was really good at lying to you,” Alex suggested. 

“I lie, too. I’ve lied to you,” Willie repeated. “Just the same as Caleb.”

“It’s not the same!” Alex said fiercely. “Yeah you’ve lied about stuff, but you’ve _never_ lied to hurt me.”

“No,” Willie had to admit. “No, I didn’t. But that doesn’t matter, because I still lied. And it still hurt you.” 

“It’s not the same,” Alex said, insistent. 

“I didn’t want to break up with you,” Willie said, hoping he could make Alex understand. “I sent that text because I took you to Caleb, and…and I was _so scared_ I’d hurt you again. But then I found out you were in _hospital…_ ”

“I know,” Alex murmured. 

“I just want my memories back,” Willie whispered. He found himself back in Alex’s arms, tears still running freely down his face. “I just want to know who I was. Even if it’s someone I’ll hate. I still want to know.” 

“There’s no way you’ll be someone you hate. Because I love you.”

It sounded too simple and too good to be true. “How can you still love me? After everything I’ve done?”

“Because you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” Alex said. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!” Willie said through his tears. “And I can’t lose you. You mean everything to me. I can’t lose you. I just can’t.”

“You won’t. You won’t. I promise,” Alex said. “Just, don’t lie to me again.”

“I won’t,” Willie said. “Swear to God.” 

Alex kissed him then: a tender and almost chaste meeting of their lips. He immediately made a face. “We literally just sealed that with blood.” 

The mention of his face brought Willie back to how much his nose was actually hurting. “I think I’d like to go in and get Julie to zap me.” 

“Good plan.” Alex stood and helped Willie to his feet. “Because I’ve never tried it, but I hear makeup sex is amazing.” 

It didn’t help the pain in his face any, but Willie burst out laughing.

* * *

“Holy shit, Willie!” Reggie exclaimed when Alex and Willie came into the house. “What the hell happened to your face?”

Ray looked up from where he’d been sitting with Reggie on the couch, watching one of the _Star Wars_ prequels on The Disney Channel. His jaw dropped.

“You should see the other guy,” Willie said with a laugh. His smile wilted at Ray’s expression. “Um.” 

Ray stood up and went to Willie, thumbs gently probing on each side of Willie’s nose. Willie winced but took it stoically. Ray glanced at Alex, who was looking equally as uncomfortable as his boyfriend. There was blood smeared on Alex’s wrist. “Did you two get in a fight?” 

“No,” Alex said at the same time Willie said, “it was an accident!” which was pretty much everything Ray needed to know. He sighed and finished his examination. 

“I don’t think it’s broken, but it’s definitely bruised,” Ray said. It’d stopped bleeding and Willie didn’t seem to be in too much pain. First aid could probably wait. “Reggie, can you please get Julie and a face cloth? It should be wet with cool water. But stay up there a while.” 

“On it,” Reggie said, then he looked quizzically at Ray before his expression cleared. “Oh! You want to talk to Willie and Alex alone! Got it!” He teleported away. A second later there was a shriek from Julie’s room upstairs, and then the sound of Luke yelling at Reggie and Reggie yelling back. 

Ray sighed again. “Subtlety is not Reggie’s strong suit. So, who hit whom first?”

Alex and Willie exchanged another glance, and Ray steeled himself for more of Willie’s lies. He knew Willie only lied to protect himself, and he’d probably stop once he knew he could trust Ray, but getting to that point was terribly frustrating. 

“It wasn’t a fight,” Alex said before Willie could respond. “I was having an anxiety attack and Willie grabbed my arm and I, kind of, hit him?” He winced.

“It was my fault he was having an anxiety attack,” Willie said. “It was because—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alex cut in. “All that matters is that we’ve solved it. Like adults.” 

“Like adults, huh?” Ray said as Alex nodded. “I hope that’s the case, because it is absolutely wrong if you’re hitting each other instead of talking things out. That’s not a relationship. That’s abuse.” 

Both boys blanched, which Ray took as a good sign. 

Alex’s eyes were wide. “I didn’t hit him like that. I swear!” 

“It didn’t happen like that! It was an accident!” Willie said at the same time.

“I believe you,” Ray said quickly, before either boy could freak out any further. “Just, communication in relationships is important. And I expect you both to use your words. Not your fists.” 

Willie and Alex nodded solemnly. 

“I’d never hurt you,” Willie said. He looked at Alex as he said it, so sincere that it was almost painful. 

“I know,” Alex said softly, and Ray realized they were continuing a conversation they’d already started. Maybe they really had solved it like adults. 

And hey, Willie hadn’t lied even once during the whole conversation. It was definitely a start. 

Ray went to the bottom of the stairs. “Julie, can you please come down, and bring that cloth with you?” He looked back over to where Alex and Willie were still standing in the living room, staring into each other’s eyes like they were completely alone in the world. 

Ray couldn’t help but smile, even though seeing them made his heart hurt a little. He remembered looking at Rose like that. Probably around the same age, too. God, he missed her.

Julie came bouncing down the stairs, Luke and Reggie in tow. “What’s up, daddy-o?” she asked as her gaze landed on Alex and Willie. “Holy shit!” she cried, “Willie, what happened to your face!”

* * *

Julie zapped Willie’s face and the pain disappeared like Alex had never hit him. And then Alex had warned Luke and Reggie not to disturb them for at _least_ an hour, and had dragged Willie back to the studio. 

Alex had been right. Makeup sex was _amazing._

And then Willie had fallen asleep with his head on Alex’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of Alex’s heart. 

Willie woke up to the sound of someone playing the piano. 

He was lying alone in the loft in the studio, Alex’s side of the bed smooth and untouched. The light filtering through the windows was a soft purple, casting everything with shadows of lavender and violet. 

“Willie,” a woman called to him, voice light and teasing. “Come down.” 

Willie pulled on his underwear and jeans and padded down the stairway. The rest of the studio was empty. The bed where Reggie and Luke should’ve been sleeping was neatly made up, blankets and pillows all in place. Everything was tidy and clean, calm and still. Like it was waiting for them to return. 

Rose was sitting at the piano, hands moving delicately along the keys. The song she was playing was soft and sweet, like a lullaby. Willie went to her.

“I’ve heard this song before.” 

“Uh-huh.” Rose smiled at him. “I used to sing this all the time to Julie and Carlos when they were little.” 

Willie smiled back at her, taking in the soft curls of her black hair and her lovely features, just like Julie’s. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you, too. Although, to be honest, I only learned about you after I died.” Rose stopped playing and stood to put her arms around him. He hugged her tightly. 

“I’ve never been able to hug you before,” he said in wonder.

Rose laughed. “Because before you were the dead one and I was alive.” 

“I couldn’t hug anyone when I was a ghost,” Willie said. “Why can you?”

“Because I’m not a ghost,” she said simply. “And now, you’re not either. So, I can visit.” 

Willie looked around, noting the intense stillness of the studio around them, the surreal quality of the light. “Is this a dream?”

“This is the Liminal Space. The place between life and afterlife. Alex has been here before. So have Reggie and Luke, but Alex is the only one who’s been here twice.” 

“Alex was here twice?” 

“Uh-huh. Alex was here when I fixed the tear in his leg, where his Lifeforce was leaking out.”

 _Lifeforce leaking out_ sounded like a big problem. “Thank you for helping him.” 

Rose smiled with a modest tilt of her head. “I couldn’t help before. At the Orpheum. I’m glad I can now.” 

Willie knew she meant when the boys were nearly killed by the Orpheum fire and she’d been there, helpless to rescue them. “They’re fine now. Julie brought them back to life!” 

Rose’s smile broadened. “I know. Why do you think I sent them to her?”

“You did that?”

Rose nodded. “They didn’t deserve what happened to them. Just like you.” Rose tucked a strand of Willie’s hair behind his ear. 

Willie knew exactly what she was talking about. His mouth twisted. “Caleb didn’t do anything to me that I didn’t let him do. I chose to stay with him for all those years.”

“Only because you didn’t have anywhere else to go. Caleb made sure of that.” 

“By taking my memories? Julie said he’d done that, too. But I don’t believe it.” He shook his head.

“Because you believe you did it to yourself. So you wouldn’t have to remember you’re a bad person.” 

It hurt to hear Rose say it out loud like that. He’d always admired Rose: how loving and kind she was. Willie couldn’t remember his mother, but he’d always hoped she’d been like her. “That’s pretty much it.” He dropped his gaze. 

“You’re wrong,” Rose said flatly. “No man who has been as good to Julie as you’ve been could be a bad person. That’s just facts.” 

He had to smile at her conviction. She was like Julie and Alex rolled into one. “Well, I have no memories of before I met Caleb, so I don’t have any proof of your ‘facts’.” He made air quotes around the last word, the cast making it awkward. 

“A man named Doctorow once said, anytime someone puts a lock on something you own, against your wishes, and doesn't give you the key, they're not doing it for your benefit,” Rose said. “Caleb did that to you.”

“It’s so hard to believe,” Willie said, voice a near whisper. 

“Is it?” Rose raised one eyebrow. “Willie, you know you didn’t do this to yourself.” 

“But I don’t know, because I can’t _remember,_ ” Willie said. “I don’t know _anything!_ ”

“I could give you back your memories,” Rose said. “You’d know then.” 

Willie blinked. “What?”

Rose lifted her right hand. A shiny, gold key suited for an old-fashioned lock stretched from the base of her palm to her fingertips. “Caleb locked them away in your mind. But they’re still there. I can unlock them for you. If you want.” 

Willie stared at the key for a moment before looking back up at Rose. “Where does that _go?_ ”

“Don’t worry, mijo. It won’t hurt.” 

That wasn’t exactly what Willie had asked, but knowing it wouldn’t hurt was still reassuring. He bit the corner of his lip. “This will really give me back my memories?”

Rose nodded. “Yes.” 

“I’ll remember how I died?”

“You’ll remember how you _lived,_ ” Rose said. 

“But what if…” Willie swallowed. “But what if I remember that I’m someone Alex wouldn’t love?” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Then you use this life as a second chance to become the person that Alex deserves,” Rose said, like it was exactly that easy. “But I doubt that’s going to be your problem.”

Willie took a breath, thinking. All his conflict with Alex stemmed from him not knowing who he really was. Could he make peace with never knowing? Or would he always be frightened of who it was he might have been?

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to be the type of man Alex deserves,” Willie said finally. “So, it doesn’t really matter what’s in my memories.”

“What’s past is prologue,” Rose said. “Shakespeare said that.” 

“Like, whatever comes before now was just the introduction to the story?”

“Exactly.” Rose’s smile was warm. “Whatever came before your death was just the introduction to your story. Not the end.”

“The beginning, not the end,” Willie repeated, liking the sound of it. He grinned. 

Rose grinned back. She held up the key between her fingers and thumb. “What do you think? Do you want to go back a few pages or just continue with the story?”

Willie licked his lips. Even though Rose hadn’t said this would be his only chance, he knew it was now or never. His eyes met hers. “I want to know.” 

She smiled and raised the key. “Close your eyes.”

* * *

Alex woke to the feeling of Willie’s shoulders shaking and hot tears cooling on his chest. 

“Willie?” he murmured, trying to wake up fully. It was as dark as the studio ever got at night, and he could hear the soft sounds of Reggie and Luke sleeping on the couch below. He had no idea what time it was, but it felt both far too late and far too early to be awake. “What’s wrong?”

“My memories have come back,” Willie wept. “I remember _everything._ ”

Alex wasn’t sure if he should sit up or stay the way he was. Willie didn’t seem inclined to move, so he stayed, but shifted so he could wrap both arms around his boyfriend. “Your memories came back? How?”

“I had a dream where there was this woman and she had a key and it unlocked everything.” 

“Wow.” It was the only thing Alex could think of to say. Willie’s tears hadn’t slowed. “What…what do you remember?”

“Julie was right. Caleb did take my memories! I asked him not to. I _begged_ him! But he stole them from me! He _stole—_ ” Willie wept harder. 

“That fucking _bastard,_ Alex seethed. “I wish I’d been the one to kill him.” 

“He didn’t like how sad I was. That I was crying all the time. But I’d just died. I’d died and I was all alone…” 

Alex hugged him tighter, heart breaking. It was bad enough when he and the boys had rematerialized after spending twenty-five years in some kind of limbo and thinking they were dead. But at least he’d had Reggie and Luke, and then Julie and Willie to help him through it. Caleb hadn’t wanted to help Willie through anything. “You’re not alone now,” he said, desperate to make Willie feel better. “You’ve got me, and Julie, and all of us. You’re not alone.” 

“My parents were _so sad_ when I died. And my brother…I have a brother! I have no idea what happened to them.” 

“We can find them. We’ll go find them.” Alex ran his fingers through Willie’s hair, then kissed his temple. 

“I got hit by a car. Turns out I didn’t lie about that,” Willie said with a wet laugh.

“I never thought you did,” Alex said seriously. “You’re not a liar.” 

“No, I wasn’t,” Willie said. “But Caleb made me. He made me…” he cried harder. 

Alex kept stroking Willie’s hair and holding him as he cried, wishing he knew what else to do. He thought of the two boys sleeping below, wondering if he should wake them so they could get Julie or Ray; someone who might actually be able to help. 

“I don’t know how to make this better,” Alex said against Willie’s temple. “You’re hurting so bad and I don’t know what to do.” 

“Just…don’t leave me, okay?” Willie asked. “Don’t leave.” 

“Never,” Alex said. “I’ll never leave you. I promise.”

They lay like that, wrapped up together. The silence was only punctuated by Willie’s soft weeping and the sound of the boys breathing below. 

“I don’t think I was a bad person,” Willie said softly into the stillness. 

Alex smiled against the side of Willie’s head. “I could’ve told you that.”

* * *

Willie didn’t really come out of the studio after that. 

Alex, Reggie and Luke got up, went to school and came home, and Willie was still there. Either crying, or sitting quietly, or sleeping. It was tragic and unnerving and Alex still had no idea what to do.

“He’ll be okay,” Ray said to them over breakfast on the second day. “I’m checking on him and making sure he eats, and I’m badgering him into showering and brushing his teeth. He’ll be alright.” 

Alex wasn’t so sure, but Ray and Julie had been through the loss of Rose and come out the other side, so he was willing to trust Ray knew what he was talking about. 

So, Alex spent all his time after school with Willie: doing his homework in the loft; cuddling him and holding him while he cried. But it didn’t feel like _enough._ Willie still wasn’t feeling any better.

He'd asked Ray about it.

“I remember, after Rose died, how much it helped just being with people who loved me, but didn’t expect anything from me,” Ray had said. “You doing that for Willie will help a lot.” It made Alex feel a little better, knowing that just being there was helping.

At least he hoped it was. 

Alex finished his breakfast as quickly as possible. He had a few minutes before he needed to catch the bus for school, and he wanted to spend every last second with his boyfriend before having to leave for the day. 

The studio was dark when he entered. “Willie?”

“Hey Alex,” Willie said from the loft. Even his voice sounded sad. 

Alex went to the stairs. “Can I come up?”

“Always,” Willie said, which made Alex smile. He went up. 

Willie was lying on his back, shirt off. The bruises on his torso had faded to a yellowish green and his cast still looked unpleasantly dark against his skin. But it was the dullness in his eyes that made Alex bite his lip. Willie looked so sad. 

“How are you?” Alex asked, even though he could see Willie wasn’t doing great. 

Willie shrugged, a small movement of his shoulders. “I can’t stop crying and everything hurts.” 

Alex winced. “So, not awesome.” He sat down beside Willie on the bed. “Do you want me to stay home from school today?” He knew Ray wouldn’t like it, but he also knew Ray would understand Willie was his priority. He’d do anything for him. 

Willie’s lips curved up in a semblance of a smile. “I won’t be great company.” 

Alex picked up Willie’s closest hand. It was the one in the cast, and he gently played with the tips of Willie’s fingers. “You don’t have to entertain me. I just want to be here. With you. If you think it would help.” 

“Nothing helps,” Willie said honestly. “Just when I think I can’t cry anymore, another memory hits me, and the tears start all over again. It feels like it’ll never stop.”

"You're grieving," Alex said, thinking of what Ray had told him. "It's going to take time.

“My last name is actually Ross. Did I tell you that?”

Alex shook his head. “No. Did you remember that?”

“Yeah. Turns out the gravestone I found? It’s actually mine. My birthday really is Valentine’s day.” 

“Makes sense for the love of my life,” Alex said with a smile. “Funny that you found it.” 

Willie’s smile was fleeting but real. “I’d probably been there before. Before Caleb…” he stopped talking and took a breath. “My mom’s Korean.” 

“She is?” Alex asked. “That’s pretty cool.”

“I remember going to my house, after…after I died.” He took a shuddering breath. “Her side of the family were there, all wearing blue. That’s the Korean colour for mourning. They were there for two nights and three days. It was the first time I’d been to a Korean funeral, and it was my own.” 

“That’s so sad.” 

“Caleb made me forget.”

Alex sighed, hating to hear the pain in Willie’s voice. “We’re going to be baking cookies tonight.” Julie had mentioned how Flynn had made her cookies after Rose died, and then Reggie had suggested they bake for Willie. Alex knew it most likely wouldn’t magically make Willie feel better, but cookies couldn’t hurt. 

Willie actually turned his head to look at him. There was a small spark of interest in his beautiful brown eyes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Reggie’s inviting Flynn over and we’re going to bake. Any requests?” Alex grinned, thrilled at Willie’s tiny reaction. 

“There was a recipe for pumpkin spice cookies I’d wanted to try,” Willie said. “I thought Luke might even eat them.” 

Alex laughed. “I doubt it.” 

Willie smiled again. “You’re probably right. Maybe banana bread instead? Luke seems to like bananas.” 

“Did you…want to join us?” Alex asked carefully. “Only if you’re up for it.” 

“Maybe,” Willie said with a sigh, like the very idea was exhausting. “Check in with me after school?” 

“For sure,” Alex said. He leaned over and kissed him: gentle and undemanding. 

Willie kissed him back. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too,” Alex said. He grimaced. “I have to catch the bus.” 

“You should go,” Willie said. “School is important.” 

“I could stay,” Alex offered again. “School is not as important as you.” 

Willie smiled yet again, and Alex wanted to cheer. It was the most he’d smiled in _days._ “Go, before I decide to keep you.” 

Alex chuckled. “You already have me. I’ll text you?”

“I’ll keep my phone on,” Willie said.

* * *

Willie didn’t join them for making cookies. 

It was hard, watching Flynn and Reggie make eyes at each other, or Luke and Julie get into a flour-smearing contest while his boyfriend was still in the studio, still grieving.

As soon as the first successful batch was done, Alex put half of them on a plate and went to the studio. 

To his surprise, Willie was sitting on one of the chairs by the couch, book in his hand. “Hey, Willie!” 

“Hey, Alex,” Willie said with a small smile. “Are those cookies?”

“Flynn made them,” Alex confessed. “I think the batch we made had too much salt. Or butter. Anyway, there was too much of _something,_ because they didn’t taste that great.” He held the plate out for Willie to try.

Willie took one and ate a bite. “Wow. These are good!” 

He sounded so much like his normal self; Alex felt his throat get tight. _Don’t be stupid,_ he reminded himself. Ray had warned him Willie was going to be grieving for a long time, and some days would be better than others. A good day didn’t mean everything was fine, and Alex had to remember that. “Flynn made them,” he repeated. “She makes really good cookies.” 

“No wonder Reggie’s so in love with her,” Willie said. “I’d marry her too, for cookies like this.” 

Alex couldn’t help but laugh as he held the plate for Willie to take more. “Guess I’m going to have to become an expert baker. What are you reading?”

“It’s a book on grieving for teenagers,” Willie said, showing Alex the cover. “Ray got it for me. It doesn’t really cover my experience, but I doubt much would.” He shrugged.

“Ray’s a good guy.” 

“Different than my dad was. Is? I’m not sure. Is my dad still my dad now? I don’t even know.” 

Alex knew how to answer this one. “He’ll always be your dad, Willie. You don’t stop loving someone just because they die.” 

“But I’m not dead, am I? And they don’t even know it. They think I’m buried under my gravestone in the Hollywood Forever cemetery. And I have no idea if I should tell them I’m still alive or not.” 

Alex’s mind immediately went to his own parents. He and Alison had discussed them only briefly. It sounded like they’d stayed as closed minded and bigoted as they always had been. Alison said she hadn’t seen them in years. He had zero intention of letting them know he'd lived. “I don’t know,” Alex said in answer to Willie’s question. “Would it make you happy?”

“Happy?” Willie said it like he’d never heard the word. “I don’t think anything could make me happy now.” 

_Don’t I make you happy?_ Alex wanted to ask, but he kept quiet. Ray had warned him Willie wasn’t in any position to meet Alex’s emotional needs right now. He’d have to be patient. “You don’t need to figure it out this second,” he said instead. 

“I guess not,” Willie said with a sigh. He turned to Alex. “Thank you. For bringing me the cookies.” 

Alex smiled at him, hoping Willie meant more than the cookies but not wanting to read too much into it. _Be patient_ he reminded himself. “You’re welcome,” he said.

* * *

Saturday came and went and Willie still hadn’t really come out of the studio. Alex felt like he was kind of losing his mind. 

He and Willie were sitting together on the sofa bed, which was a positive change from the loft. Alex had been trying to do his biology homework while he waited to be texted about dinner, but he couldn’t concentrate. “Ray’s found a counsellor for you,” Alex said.

Willie looked up from his book on grieving, concerned. “He thinks I’m crazy?” 

“No! No, not at all. He thinks you’re sad, and that talking to someone might help,” Alex said quickly. “No one thinks you’re crazy.” 

“Oh.” Willie frowned. “I’ve never talked to a counsellor before.” 

“Me neither,” Alex said. “Well, unless you count the priest at our church who told me I was going to hell for being gay.” 

Willie shuddered. “I hate your fucking parents.” 

“Me, too,” Alex agreed. “Ray said that talking to a counsellor can help, though. Because they’re paid to listen and just be on your side?” 

Willie bit his lip. “I don’t want to cry in front of a stranger.” 

“I wouldn’t want that, either,” Alex said honestly. “You don’t have to go. I’m sure Ray wouldn’t force you.” 

“But then again, I’m crying in front of you all the time, and I still don’t feel better,” Willie said with a hollow laugh. 

“I don’t mind you crying in front of me,” Alex said quietly, not sure if he should feel hurt. 

“I kind of hate it? Because you’re so fucking good to me. And it’s my job to take care of you.” 

“It’s not your job to take care of me,” Alex said. 

“Of course, it is!” Willie snapped. “I’m your boyfriend! It’s my job to take care of you!” 

“But I’m _your_ boyfriend,” Alex said, confused. “It’s my job to take care of you, too.” 

“No.” Willie shook his head. “No. I take care of you. That’s the deal.”

“Deal?” Alex repeated. “What deal?”

“The deal where you love me!” Willie said, like Alex wasn’t getting something important. “If I’m not taking care of you, protecting you, helping _you,_ why would you even love me?”

Alex blinked. “What?”

“If I’m not taking care of you, there’s no reason for you to love me,” Willie said. “And right now, I’m not. I don’t know why you just haven’t broken up with me already.” The last part was said so softly that Alex wasn’t sure he was meant to hear it. He moved on the bed so he could see Willie’s face.

“But, I kind of love it,” Alex said truthfully. “Well, not the part where you’re grieving, but the fact I can be here for you. To hold you and comfort you. I can’t fix anything for you. I can’t change what Caleb did, or…or that you died when you were so young. But I can be there for you. I can care for _you._ And I really, really want to.”

“But it’s my job—”

“No. It’s _our_ job. To take care of each other. Because we love each other. And right now, it’s your turn to be cared for. And since it’s the only thing I _can_ do, to make you feel even a little bit better, I’m really glad I can do it. Does that make sense?” 

Willie was looking at him in a way that Alex couldn’t really understand. “What?” he said with an awkward laugh. “Is there something on my face?”

Willie kissed him. As fiercely and passionately as he’d done before he’d gotten his memories back and his world had come crashing down. Alex returned the kiss, his hands immediately going to Willie’s hair, then his neck, then his shoulders, so damn grateful to be touching him like this. 

Willie gently broke their embrace. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Alex stroked his palm down the side of Willie’s face. “And my code is 0214. For my phone. In case you ever need to unlock it.” 

Willie blinked. “Your code is February fourteenth?”

“Your birthday,” Alex said. “So, I’ll never forget my favourite holiday.” 

“You trust me with that?” Willie said, and Alex’s chest tightened, hearing how guilty Willie still felt. 

“Of course I trust you. I love you.” 

“Even after I lied to you?” Willie’s voice was small.

“It’s more important that you told me the truth, after,” Alex said, hand still on Willie’s face. “That’s the part I care about.” 

Willie turned to kiss Alex’s palm. “I can’t believe I met you. How’d I get so lucky?”

 _I’m not sure how lucky dying was,_ Alex thought. There was a small part of him that wished he and Willie could’ve both lived and met back in their own time, without all the pain and drama of landing in the future. Willie would’ve been twenty-one when Alex was seventeen, had they both lived. “It was fate,” Alex said instead. “We were destined to meet through space and time.” 

Willie huffed out a short laugh. “That sounds very Star Trek.” He swallowed. “Do you think I should talk to a counsellor?”

“I don’t think it can make anything _worse,_ ” Alex said. “But it’s totally up to you.” 

“I think I’d like to.” He bit his lip again. So different than the sexy way that Alex loved. _Patience,_ he reminded himself. Willie was worth the wait.

“Okay. I’ll let Ray know.” Alex nodded. 

“No, I’ll tell him.” Willie said. “I think I’d like to go to the house. Maybe eat dinner with everyone. If you think that’d be okay?”

It was a huge change from the last few days, and Alex couldn’t help the exaltation that poured through him. Willie wanted to come into the house and have dinner with everyone. He wasn’t better, not yet, but it was a start. Alex’s smile split his face. “I think everyone would like that a lot.”

* * *

It was Sunday, and almost everyone was standing by the front door of the Molina’s house, getting ready for the first run of the "Julie and the Fast Ones" running club. The name had won by a landslide, and Julie had already promised them T-shirts. Carlos and Ray weren’t participating, and, well, Willie hadn’t moved when Alex had gotten up that morning, but it was still a great turn-out. Alex wasn’t sure the club would make it to a second outing, but he appreciated the enthusiasm. 

“Who thought a Sunday morning running club was a good idea?” Luke groused.

Alex didn't appreciate Luke’s complaining, however. He put in his AirPods, hoping to drown it out. 

“It was your girlfriend’s idea,” Reggie reminded Luke. He was doing quad stretches, using Flynn for balance. 

“Hey, you all voted for it,” Julie said. She was doing a complicated hamstring stretch that Alex was pretty sure was entirely to capture Luke’s attention, and Luke’s attention was definitely caught. 

Flynn bore Reggie’s weight stoically. She was wearing one of his ‘Sunset Curve’ T-shirts that had undergone an unfortunate tie-dye experiment sometime back in ‘94, but naturally Flynn made that look good. “Stop bitching,” she said to Luke, “you know you’ll be happy you went.” 

“Yeah, after we _stop._ ” 

Alex laughed at him. “Running’s fun, Luke. Especially with music.” He pointed at his ears with their AirPods. 

“You’re shouting,” Reggie said to him. “You should turn them down.” 

“What?” Alex said. 

“You’re shouting!” Reggie shouted at him. “You should turn them—”

Alex took one out. “What?”

“You need to turn those down,” Flynn said, “Otherwise you’ll go deaf.” 

“What?” Alex repeated, then laughed. He was in a great mood since he was finally going running again. But it still hurt that Willie hadn’t come to join them. He knew it wasn’t personal; Willie was still healing. But Alex was still a little envious Reggie and Luke had their girlfriends with them, and his boyfriend wasn’t there. 

Still, Ray had made an appointment for Willie with a counsellor for Monday, and that was sure to help. _Patience,_ Alex reminded himself yet again. There would be other running clubs. Or not. But he knew he’d eventually get to go running with his boyfriend. 

It just wasn’t going to be today. 

Julie stood up from her stretching and clapped her hands. “Are we all set?”

Reggie looked at Flynn, who nodded. He took a pair of sports headphones out of his pocket and put them into his ears while Flynn did the same. “We’re good.” 

“Where are you guys getting the headphones from?” Luke asked. 

“Amazon,” Flynn said. 

“I got mine at the Apple store,” Julie said as she took out what looked like an expensive pair of cordless sports headphones, “and I lent my extra pair to Alex.” 

“You lent AirPods to _Alex?_ ” Reggie protested.

“He likes to run,” Julie said with a shrug.

“I work out.” Luke made a face. 

“In the studio, with CDs,” Julie sniffed. 

“Clearly, I’m Julie’s favourite,” Alex said, just to wind Luke up some more. “If I wasn’t gay, we’d probably be dating.” 

“Totally,” Julie agreed, deadpan. “I’d hit that golden retriever _hard._ ” 

Flynn burst into giggles. 

“Golden retriever?” Reggie asked Flynn. “Is that a good thing?”

“I will kill you, Mercer,” Luke said with enough menace Alex was suddenly glad he ran fast. 

“You’ll have to catch him, first,” Willie said.

Everyone turned as one. Willie was walking towards them, hair up in a bun. He was wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, a pair of Alex’s shorts and a pair of sneakers Alex recognized as belonging to Ray. “Willie?” 

“Hey, Alex,” Willie said. “Is it okay if I join?”

“Okay? It’s _fantastic!_ ” Reggie bounced on his toes. 

“Oh yeah, yeah, it’s great!” Alex beamed at him. He’d been prepared to run, but having Willie with him made him feel like he could _fly._

“Is that my T-shirt?” Luke asked Willie. “Because that looks like my T-shirt.” 

“It looks better on Willie,” Alex said. “In fact, I doubt you’re getting it back.” 

“You could’ve asked,” Luke muttered. 

“Are you going to be okay running with your cast?” Reggie asked Willie. His voice was pitched loud because of his headphones.

“I’ll be fine,” Willie said. 

“Let me.” Julie took Willie’s hand that was partially covered by his cast. There was a flash of light, nearly invisible in the bright sun. “That should keep it from hurting.” 

“Thank you,” Willie smiled at her, small but real.

“You got your music?” Julie smacked Willie lightly on the shoulder. “Because we are going to _rock_ this run.” 

“Um.” Willie said. 

“Here.” Alex slipped out one of his AirPods and gave it to Willie, who put it into his ear. His face lit up as he heard the song Alex’s phone was playing. It was the recording of _Now or Never_ they’d done right after they got into the music program. It already had 317 hits on Spotify.

“Are we ready to go yet?” Luke asked. 

“We’re good to go. We’re running to the Shakespeare Bridge. Stay together everyone!” Julie started running and Luke instantly fell into place beside her. Reggie and Flynn were next. 

Alex turned to Willie. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“I couldn’t miss the first run of the Julie and the Fast Ones running club,” Willie grinned. It was almost as bright as Alex remembered. “Speaking of which.” He pointed at the others who were now a full block ahead. “Shouldn’t we catch up to them?” 

“Let ‘em have their head start. I’m still going to smoke their asses.” 

Willie laughed. “This I gotta see.” 

“Then keep your eyes open,” Alex said. He leaned in and gave Willie a quick kiss. “Come on.” 

They started to run. 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings:
> 
> This story involves:  
> \- Alex being in terrible physical pain, going to hospital and nearly dying from a metaphysical injury. He receives painless and bloodless stitches for this injury  
> \- He also has two anxiety attacks  
> \- Willie lying, a lot.  
> \- Willie attempts to steal from Ray, runs away and then gets hit by a car and receives a broken bone  
> \- Willie suffering the after-effects of Caleb's maltreatment, including memory loss
> 
> I think that's all of them. Please (politely!) let me know if I've missed anything


End file.
